Have you ever had one of those days where you need everything to go right, but it all goes wrong? Well that's the day that I am having today. I have a major exam for a class with a 60% fail rate. For the first time in my life I have to try so hard to be happy with a C on my exams. All of that said, I am so very nervous for the test. I have been studying for a very long time because I knew how hard it would be. As it gets closer to the time that I have to go take it, things seem to just be pilling up high.
Some people know that I have been struggling with my blood pressure for some time now. I got it to go down for a while but that didn't last long. Most people would like to say that its caused by stress, but for me, its not. The stress comes when its high and I can't get it under control. Like today for instance. I am stressed already and now I have to be so carful not to make my blood pressure rise, which is stressful in itself.
Its been a whole long list of silly things happening to me. (Warning, I am about to complain) I ran out of time to type up all of the notes that I wanted to type, so I went to print what I had, and suddenly, without warning, the printer was out of ink. Then after that, my pants zipper broke on my favorite pants. So many other little things happened, but you get the point. I'm a mess today, and I'm at the end of my rope. I wish I had it in me to skip this exam and be done with school, but that's not the plan that God has for me (at this point in time).
When I get overwhelmed like this, I am always drawn to Christian music. Its my reminder that I am here for a purpose and that all these little things that keep happening are insignificant in the long run. I have to remember to turn my head to God and pull myself out of my own misery. Instead of crying over this exam and this stress, I can rest assured that no matter the outcome of this, God will still love me.
In our ladies Bible study at church yesterday we talked about God being "I Am". He says in the word that He is who He is and that He never changes. He stays the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. We were asked what that meant to us in our lives. Most of the ladies had the same response that I had. It brings me a sort of peace to know that He isn't changing and that He isn't going anywhere.
What does that mean to me? It means that no matter what happens on this test, no matter what it does to my GPA, no matter how high my blood pressure rises, no matter how many little annoying things happen, He is my rock. He will not change. This is a world full of change. There is no real stability that provides comfort. Its a sea of doubt and despair. I will be the first to tell you that there are many times that I get trapped and feel like there's no control over my life, but there is. God, My Father, is in control.
Friends change, family changes, people change, I change. It can get so very messy here, but God, the Great "I Am" is my solid ground. He will bring me through this and He will provide me the peace that I need. I don't deserve it, none of us do, but He grants it to us anyway. Praise be to Our God who was the same yesterday, the same today and will remain the same tomorrow and forever. I will find rest in Him who is unchanging.
Monday, October 20, 2014
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Lord, You Never Let Go
There is a song that I continue to listen to every single day that really touches my heart. As I have said in the past, I worship through music. Listening to Christian music and singing praises to the Lord is what keeps me centered on what I am doing with my life. Music impacts each of us in different ways. We all have different tastes but its there, in everything that we do. This song in particular is not a very recent song, but its pretty new to me.
The version that I listen to is sung by a singer who I loved when I was younger. She and her sister had been Christian's but their music moved a little away from that. A couple years ago, the younger of the two broke out on her own and released her first Christian song, which I have talked about before. I was so moved by it that I began to search for more Christian songs by her, and I came across one that is called "You Never Let Go". To better explain how this song effects me, I am going to break it down to the most important part, but feel free to listen to the song yourself.
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, Your perfect love is casting out fear And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life, I won't turn back, I know You are near"
-- This part explains so much about what has been going on in my life and my families lives. There is such unrest happening and it really feels like we are sometimes walking in the Valley of the shadow of death and sometimes I can't find a way out because I'm treading water. The one thing that remains true in my life is that I have a peace in my heart to know that God is always by my side.
"'Cause I will fear no evil, For my God is with me, And if my God is with me, Whom then shall I fear? Oh no, You never let go, Through the calm and through the storm, Oh no, You never let go, In every high and every low, Oh no, You never let go, Lord, You never let go of me yeah!"
-- This part is also so very powerful. There is so much evil around us and it can consume us. We can get trapped in this world and the vast evil that surrounds us. Evil is inevitable because we are human and we ALL sin every single day. Yet no matter what evil we do, or what evil is done to us, God is literally there through the whole storm. He is with us when we are on top of the world and He is with us when we hit rock bottom.
"And I can see a light that is coming, For the heart that holds on, A glorious light beyond all compare, And there will be an end to these troubles, But until that day comes, We'll live to know You here on the earth"
-- I talk a lot about the light in darkness. There are points in my life where I felt that the darkness was more powerful than the light. I was drowning in my own sorrows and of the sorrows that have been brought upon the lives of my family and friends. Even through all the darkness in front of me right now, and all of the stress, and the physical and emotional pain, I have joy in my heart because I see that God's light is still shining so bright, and there is nothing that can be compared to it because there is nothing like it.
There will be an end to these troubles, there will be no more death, no more pain, no more loss, no hate, no more tears, no more broken promises, no more lies, no more searching for something to fulfill yourself. We will be with God one day, but until then, we are living on this earth with one another. We have a chance to know Jesus here and we have the chance to share His love with those around us who may be facing that same darkness.
I am not perfect, there are times when I don't care to see the light of God in my life. However, that light never leaves me. Even when I am angry and turn away, the light of God remains steady. Things won't be peachy here on earth. I have to sit here and wonder if I scare boys away because I am so outspoken about the Lord, but at the same time, if a boy can't handle that, then it means they are one, not right for me, but beside that, they may still be in search of the love of Jesus Christ. I use that example not to complain but to share that there is an everyday battle to get others to love Jesus the way that a lot of us Christians do. It hurts me to think that there are people stuck in this darkness, and can't see the light that is always shining the way for them to go.
I am not saying to go into the light and die, I am saying that when we can see nothing but terrible, consuming darkness, there is still a beautiful, strong light that is at the end of that tunnel. God is there reminding us that there is light and that we have a chance to be that light in our communities. Take a moment and try to shine that light somewhere in your life in the next couple of weeks. If each of us just shines that light to even one person, God can impact so many lives, even if it happens one by one.
The Lord never lets go, ever. He will never, and has never let you go. Find peace in that, because I know that I do.
The song is called "You Never Let Go"- AJ Michalka
The version that I listen to is sung by a singer who I loved when I was younger. She and her sister had been Christian's but their music moved a little away from that. A couple years ago, the younger of the two broke out on her own and released her first Christian song, which I have talked about before. I was so moved by it that I began to search for more Christian songs by her, and I came across one that is called "You Never Let Go". To better explain how this song effects me, I am going to break it down to the most important part, but feel free to listen to the song yourself.
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, Your perfect love is casting out fear And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life, I won't turn back, I know You are near"
-- This part explains so much about what has been going on in my life and my families lives. There is such unrest happening and it really feels like we are sometimes walking in the Valley of the shadow of death and sometimes I can't find a way out because I'm treading water. The one thing that remains true in my life is that I have a peace in my heart to know that God is always by my side.
"'Cause I will fear no evil, For my God is with me, And if my God is with me, Whom then shall I fear? Oh no, You never let go, Through the calm and through the storm, Oh no, You never let go, In every high and every low, Oh no, You never let go, Lord, You never let go of me yeah!"
-- This part is also so very powerful. There is so much evil around us and it can consume us. We can get trapped in this world and the vast evil that surrounds us. Evil is inevitable because we are human and we ALL sin every single day. Yet no matter what evil we do, or what evil is done to us, God is literally there through the whole storm. He is with us when we are on top of the world and He is with us when we hit rock bottom.
"And I can see a light that is coming, For the heart that holds on, A glorious light beyond all compare, And there will be an end to these troubles, But until that day comes, We'll live to know You here on the earth"
-- I talk a lot about the light in darkness. There are points in my life where I felt that the darkness was more powerful than the light. I was drowning in my own sorrows and of the sorrows that have been brought upon the lives of my family and friends. Even through all the darkness in front of me right now, and all of the stress, and the physical and emotional pain, I have joy in my heart because I see that God's light is still shining so bright, and there is nothing that can be compared to it because there is nothing like it.
There will be an end to these troubles, there will be no more death, no more pain, no more loss, no hate, no more tears, no more broken promises, no more lies, no more searching for something to fulfill yourself. We will be with God one day, but until then, we are living on this earth with one another. We have a chance to know Jesus here and we have the chance to share His love with those around us who may be facing that same darkness.
I am not perfect, there are times when I don't care to see the light of God in my life. However, that light never leaves me. Even when I am angry and turn away, the light of God remains steady. Things won't be peachy here on earth. I have to sit here and wonder if I scare boys away because I am so outspoken about the Lord, but at the same time, if a boy can't handle that, then it means they are one, not right for me, but beside that, they may still be in search of the love of Jesus Christ. I use that example not to complain but to share that there is an everyday battle to get others to love Jesus the way that a lot of us Christians do. It hurts me to think that there are people stuck in this darkness, and can't see the light that is always shining the way for them to go.
I am not saying to go into the light and die, I am saying that when we can see nothing but terrible, consuming darkness, there is still a beautiful, strong light that is at the end of that tunnel. God is there reminding us that there is light and that we have a chance to be that light in our communities. Take a moment and try to shine that light somewhere in your life in the next couple of weeks. If each of us just shines that light to even one person, God can impact so many lives, even if it happens one by one.
The Lord never lets go, ever. He will never, and has never let you go. Find peace in that, because I know that I do.
The song is called "You Never Let Go"- AJ Michalka
Monday, October 13, 2014
Coming Back to the Heart of Worship
It has been a little while since I have posted. I have the same excuses that I always have. School is crazy, I have a million things on my to do list and this isn't one of them. It is something that I really enjoy doing, but it seems like there is no time for this to get done. I have felt led to post and I've even started a few. The feedback has warmed my heart. I just want to thank everyone who reads this. I don't write this as a way to make myself look good, I write this because even when I am a mess, and have done things wrong, I am STILL a child of God. No matter what we do, He loves us and that's the message that I am trying to share.
Something my pastor said in church yesterday really struck me. He was talking about coming back to the heart of worship. He said that we have a tendency to let out minds wander and that actually paying attention and giving our body and mind to God is a really difficult thing. What he didn't know at the time was that I was planning out my grocery list at that exact moment. We have so many things that are going on inside ourselves and in the lives of those around us.
As I sit here, all around me are text books, note cards, notebooks and assignments. In front of me is my to do list that seems like its a mile long. No matter how many things I do, I feel like my list is not getting any shorter. Though I complete things, more things get added. I keep saying that as soon as things calm down I will start to blog more regularly, but this weekend I realized that things are never going to calm down here. I am in the home stretch which means that my professors are going to teach, test, and work to cram everything in before graduation.
Though I accomplish assignments, I feel like I have made little to no time, to worship and pray and read the Word of God. I always say that I am going to do it, and by the time I have some time, its late at night and I want to play games with my roommates. This year I have been all about making it the best year. I haven't had the fun college experience that most people have when they go to college, so this is my chance. However, I realize that I NEED to make time with God. If I don't, no matter how much I knock off my to do list, I really won't be fulfilled.
I am not saying that I have shut God out. I still pray, ALL the time, lets face it, if I didn't I would fall apart. I am saying that I need to set aside time. Time that is uninterrupted and focused on my relationship with Jesus Christ. Without Him, none of this stuff matters. I need to set down my to do list, and shut out all of the drama and sorrow of this world, and spend time with God. The struggle is very real and I am sure that I am not the only one facing this. I am the only one that can make a change to my life, just like you are the only one who can make a change in your life.
To start out small, I am going to spend the next week actively making time in which I can study The Word, spend time in prayer and truly worship the Lord for all of the work that He is doing in my life right now. If you choose to join me, that's great. If you aren't ready, God is always here waiting.
Something my pastor said in church yesterday really struck me. He was talking about coming back to the heart of worship. He said that we have a tendency to let out minds wander and that actually paying attention and giving our body and mind to God is a really difficult thing. What he didn't know at the time was that I was planning out my grocery list at that exact moment. We have so many things that are going on inside ourselves and in the lives of those around us.
As I sit here, all around me are text books, note cards, notebooks and assignments. In front of me is my to do list that seems like its a mile long. No matter how many things I do, I feel like my list is not getting any shorter. Though I complete things, more things get added. I keep saying that as soon as things calm down I will start to blog more regularly, but this weekend I realized that things are never going to calm down here. I am in the home stretch which means that my professors are going to teach, test, and work to cram everything in before graduation.
Though I accomplish assignments, I feel like I have made little to no time, to worship and pray and read the Word of God. I always say that I am going to do it, and by the time I have some time, its late at night and I want to play games with my roommates. This year I have been all about making it the best year. I haven't had the fun college experience that most people have when they go to college, so this is my chance. However, I realize that I NEED to make time with God. If I don't, no matter how much I knock off my to do list, I really won't be fulfilled.
I am not saying that I have shut God out. I still pray, ALL the time, lets face it, if I didn't I would fall apart. I am saying that I need to set aside time. Time that is uninterrupted and focused on my relationship with Jesus Christ. Without Him, none of this stuff matters. I need to set down my to do list, and shut out all of the drama and sorrow of this world, and spend time with God. The struggle is very real and I am sure that I am not the only one facing this. I am the only one that can make a change to my life, just like you are the only one who can make a change in your life.
To start out small, I am going to spend the next week actively making time in which I can study The Word, spend time in prayer and truly worship the Lord for all of the work that He is doing in my life right now. If you choose to join me, that's great. If you aren't ready, God is always here waiting.
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