A Day to Remember

I still remember exactly what I was doing when a plane hit the twins towers 11 years ago. I remember the tears that were shed by teachers and parents that came to pick up their children from school. We were young children at the time, and suddenly our innocent view of the world was shattered. As each year passed by I met more and more families and children that were directly effected by 9/11. I myself did not lose anyone, but my friends have. On this day 11 years ago mothers lost their children, children lost their parents, and friends lost their loved ones. I hurt for those people that are hurting, and in the past I felt like there was nothing I could do to help them get through this day each time that it comes around.

Though a lot of us did not lose a loved one on September 11th, we have all suffered a loss in some way. I lost my best friend a little over a year ago. I felt like my heart was ripped out of me, and left me empty with nothing but greif. I have felt the pain, and the sorrow that the victim's families felt and still feel. I also know that in all of the time that has passed I have not stopped thinking about what else I wanted to say to my best friend, and all the memories that we wanted to make together. It is so easy to get stuck in a pit of what if's, and failed plans.

Today while studying my Bible I came across a verse that was is so relavant to everything that I have been saying, and feeling.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted"  Matthew 5:4

It is okay to mourn, but we have to turn that over to the Lord. In order to be comforted we need to want to be comforted. When you are ready to let the Lord in, and let Him help, He has promised to comfort us. Throughout today consider how your life can be changed just by turning your grief over the God.  

After much thought I realized that the one way I can help the grieving is to pray for them. It seems so obvious to pray for them, and some of you may already pray for those who have lost loved ones. So I challenge you today, to take the time to focus your prayer around healing, comfort and forgiveness. And pray for those all over this country that have lost loved ones and are not turning their hurt over to the Lord. Then remember to thank the Lord for giving you the chance to live and to have a loving family. I am a firm believer that prayer changes thing. So let's start praying.

Fresh Start

As you may know, I have attempted to re-start this blog before, but it was never successful because I really wasn't ready to re-start it. In the time that I have spent away from this blog a lot of things have changed in my life. I have faced many trials, but everytime that I was ready to give up, God sent me a reminder of His presence and His love. My first year of college did not go the way that I had planned, but the key is that it didn't go the way that I MYSELF had planned. I tried to follow my plan and when it backfired on me God forgave me and gave me another chance to follow his plan. Though my first year was miserable and almost unbearable, I found comfort in knowing that God was with me. I was humbled last year, and it helped me grow as a person and as a child of God.

I have entered my second year with a new perspective on the life that I live. It is my goal, God willing, to keep up with my writing throughout this year, in the hope that I can grow and share that growth with others. I want to be a testimony to both believers and non believers. Every single person that lives on this earth faces trials at some point in their life. Those of us who know the Lord have Him to lean on, and we know that no matter what God gets us through everything. My heart goes out to the non believers who feel a sense of hopelessness. They desperately need to know the Lord and know that there is always hope. I will not pretend that  I am a perfect person that always turns to God when things get tough, but I do my best!

In the next few months a lot will be changing in my life, some of those changes, I don't even know about, but God does. However, I can see what is in front of me, and I am so thankful that the Lord brought me where I am today. The thought of coming back to the school that caused me so much grief, was daunting. I was scared and reluctant. I didn't even start packing to leave for school until the day before I was supposed to move in. I was praying that somehow I would get to stay home with my family and not face school. At home I had three little sisters to take care of and to love. I continued to pray about it as I unpacked my belongings and said goodbye to my parents. My prayers we heard, and for the first time ever I enjoyed college. I enjoyed living here, and going home. The Lord has blessed me with a support system and suite-mates that are accepting and kind. I have peace inside of me and that peace comes from the Lord.

I believe that everything that happened to me last year was leading me to this point. Though I faced a trial, the reward is worth it. I am able to appreciate my blessings and appreciate the people in my life that love and support me. There are still so many people that are stuck in trials and they feel as if there is no way out. I challenge you this week to find students on campus, people at work, or a friend, and tell them about a trial that you have overcome. Share with them the blessings that God has given you, and that there is a way out always. Share with them the love of Christ that we hold so dear.

Struggling to Keep Up.

I am so far behind in my blogging, and my school work. I feel like everything that I am doing is never done. I feel like I am letting people down everywhere I turn. I cannot seem to keep up with the blogging every single day, and I cannot finish all of the school work that I want to finish in one day. I missed going to church toady because I feel under the weather. I went to sleep pretty early last night because I was too sick to get my school stuff done. I think that I am letting the Lord down because I have missed some of my devotions and I am overwhelmed by college decisions and planning.

Today is the national day of decision. I have to set in stone which college I am going to next year. I have now declined all of my top choices, and am going to my "fall back" school. It is hard for me to wrap my head around this school. Things have changed so much in the past couple months. I never would have seen myself going to this school just a few months ago. I do not know where I put the Lord in all of this. I had plans to go to a nice Christian college and surround myself with people who have a love for the Lord. Instead I will now be attending a state school. I am trying so hard to appreciate the fact that I am able to go to a nice school like Eastern, but it is a huge change for me.

The Lord will be with me no matter what school I go to. There are many Christians at the school I have chosen. There may not be a thousand Christians attending but there are enough for me to find and fellowship with. There is a Christian group at this University, and I plan to attend that as many times as I can. I believe that the Lord is going to use me somehow at this school. There is a reason I didn't end up at a private Christian college. The Lord has many more plans for me, and I do look forward to seeing just what those plans are.

I will say though, that blogging is still going to be hard to do every single day. For a while I think that I will have to do as many as I can. I have decided not to make up any that I missed in April because I don't have the time. It is not my time though, and I will be giving that time back to the Lord. My time though, might be just between me and the Lord for a short while. I need to make sure that my heart is in the right place for me to be sharing what is happening in my life.

It's Never Too Late To Start Over.

I don't know if this lesson was for me to hear, or for someone else who reads my posts. I just know that I have come across this topic a lot recently. I have made some small mistakes and some large ones. We ask for forgiveness and the Lord gives it to us. However, like I said before, we do not always forgive ourselves. We fail, and we label ourselves as failures. We mess up, and we feel like the loser. Though, we are influenced by those around us, and what they name us to be. Sometimes, even as brothers and sisters in Christ, we are quick to condemn and label. It is not our place to judge others but we do.

It is easy to accept what everyone else tells you, you are. There are people I know, that got their title and instead of changing the way that they were, they fell right into the stereotype. We have the chance to start over and change that title that was glued to us. We do not have to fit the mold that everyone tries to squeeze us into. The Lord is here, always, and He will take your hand and lead to in the right direction. When you take the wrong path, the Lord never said that you couldn't turn around and come back, you were to proud, or to embarrassed to turn your life back to Him.

Many elderly people go into the hospital and while they are on their death bed, they will turn back to the Lord. They start over at the end of their lives. It is never to late to change. It is never too late to start over. It could take you all your life to start over, but what matters is that you do start over. You can't change what you have already done, or what you have already been labeled as, but you can change your behavior, and you efforts in mending and getting another chance. So instead of thinking why me, think about starting again.

Take Responsibility.

Today's society is about placing the blame on anyone other than yourself. Kids blame their siblings into adulthood. It's no longer a behavior that only affects those who are young, but affects the mass majority. No one wants to admit there mistakes, but when they are cornered, instead of coming clean, they blame someone else. I blame others too, because its hard to not follow the norm. Its easier to let someone else take the heat of your mistake. The thing is, as Christians we are supposed to take responsibility for the sins we have committed, and then we are to bring them to the Lord and ask for forgiveness.

There are countless verses in the Bible about wise men taking responsibility and the fools that don't. No where in there does it say that it is easy to take responsibility for your failures. It is something that I know I can't do on my own, because, well one, I don't want to, and two, it's very difficult. I have blamed so many times before, and I'm sure that due to my sinful nature I will do it again. I am so far from perfect. I don't understand how the Lord can just forgive me when I have tried to run from a mistake or failure. He forgives, and we will never deserve it.

When my mom was teaching my Sunday School class, I didn't always listen. I still forget some things I learned in those classes, and she catches me on it, but I'm human. There was, however, one lesson that everyone in the class has never forgotten. It was titled, blaming. We were given a worksheet, and it had landmines all over the page. These were the landmines that would throw off our path with the Lord. The largest landmine on the page read, "blame". After that class, every time my sister and I tried to blame the other, we would recite the words, "blaming is a landmine". I don't always follow it, but I do remember it. I know that not taking responsibility for my mistakes and failures, becomes yet another block in our path to the Lord.

Every Little Change.

We have been having trouble at home with my younger sister. She has been rude, and extremely difficult. She was causing many problems at home. We would have one day of her being ridiculous and mean, then we would talk to her and the next day she would be great. It has been very frustrating to live here with her. I thought maybe that if I gave her a devotion something would help, but nothing was working. I went to her privately and asked her where God was in her life. I felt her pulling away from this amazing faith. I know that it is not my job to keep her faithful, but I was watching her slip away.

God was listening to our prayers. It may seem small, but we have had two days now of utter happiness. She has listened, and done her chores, and she has been nice. The disrespect has been gone, and we are able to share a smile with her. Mom and I went out and while we were shopping we talked about her behavior change. I picked out this little wooden decoration in the shape of her first initial. I want her to know that I see this behavior too. I know that I am not the parent but even as the older sister, I wanted nothing to do with her anger and meanness. Today I was actually able to sit down and hang out with her, and not get angry. I want her to know that I see her effort and its appreciated.

Maybe its something that I said, or something my parents said to her. Maybe though (most likely) it's God. He has gotten through to her and He has used us to help her. I know that this is not my doing alone, or my parents. There is power in prayer. I wanted something to change, and I knew that I should change myself before I try to change someone else, but by the grace of God we are headed in the right direction. I applaud her for making this step forward, and I pray that God can grant me the wisdom to help her on her journey.

A Little Prayer Anyone?

This week is the week leading up to Easter. It is a wonderful week filled with many Christian events. My church is holding prayer times every single day. They are also showing Passion of the Christ. I personally can't ever watch that movie again. It was very emotional and I can't even comprehend what the Lord has done for us. They tried to in that movie but no one can capture that. I find it amazing when people sit and pray for hours on end. All I can think about is that when Pastor prays for a long time, I get bored and loose focus. I know that prayer is so important, but I just don't know if I could do it for hours.

I sometimes feel guilty for loosing focus during the long prayers, but I know those types of prayers don't work for me, so I am not wrong when I don't feel guilty. I am closest to God during my popcorn prayers. I pray at least 30 different times a day. That seems excessive, but when you popcorn pray it can be less than a minute. This way, I pray when I remember something that needs prayer, or when I need guidance from the Lord, and I feel like it hasn't come. I have accepted that some people do not approve of only short prayers, but I say that its your relationship with God, and each of us builds that up differently.

God is kind of like the best friend who always stays by your side, and has sleepovers every night in the summer, but better! So if you have guilt for falling asleep or forgetting that you are in prayer, when someone else is praying, it doesn't make you bad. It makes you human. I still fight to focus when someone else is praying. It's hard to listen and not think about something you have to do, or something you want to say. God is still listening to you. I pray better by myself.

So this week, figure out where you are in your prayer life. Stop hanging onto guilt and think about your favorite way to pray. Then multiply that every single day. The more comfortable we get in our prayer life, the stronger it will get, and we can create a closer relationship with the Lord.