It has been so long since my last post. I let life get in the way of my writing and once I missed a few days I felt like I had already failed so why bother trying to catch up. A million things always get in the way and insecurities push their way into my life and my head. I had so many things that I have wanted to share but I never took the time to sit down and share them. I actually saved a ten page file on my computer that had so many posts that I wanted to say but never did. Then on top of everything else my computer crashed in the middle of midterms. I lost almost everything that I had saved on my computer. All of the worship music was gone all of my papers and work was gone. I lost my computer and there was no way to save it. I was feeling so discouraged but I knew that I needed to get a new one and fast.
I was facing so much and I didn't know what to do or how I was going to afford it. The pastor prayed about my dilemma and I felt like such a materialistic person for having to pray about a new computer. I wanted to hang my head and leave but God was still at work. I didn't know at that point that God was taking care of some things for me, making it possible for me to get what I needed to continue with my work and my ministry. He once again reminded me how blessed I am to have my church family members in my life. He also reminded me that He is in control of everything and that even when I don't turn to Him right away He is always working.
So much has gone on since I stopped writing. It's all been kept inside of my head and unspoken because I never knew how to put my thoughts into words that others could understand. So here I am again back to this blog, attempting to continue what I started such a long time ago. Just because I haven't been writing doesn't mean that God is not working in my life it just means that I haven't shared the work He has done for me in a while. I have been on this little journey of trying to make time for everything and still never getting anything done.
I have expectations for myself that I, nor anyone else can really reach. I just can't do it all, and I know that but that doesn't stop me from trying. I was taught the phrase, "See a need, Fill a need" since birth. So I have taken that as, See a need, and no matter how busy you are, fill a need. My interpretation leaves little time to breathe or relax but that's just me. Writing for this blog seemed to just fill my need to write and speak what's on my mind so I figured that of all of the things I do that was not really benefiting anyone other than myself, so I stopped. I focused on fill other peoples needs and being their support.
However, I do need this blog. Even if I can't be on top of it all of the time, I need it. I need to share how I see God in this world and how amazing He is. I need to share His miracles because they are not something that I have the right to keep to myself. Most of all I need to write because the more I write, the more I feel the Holy Spirit inside of me and working in my life. So take a moment and remember how wonderful our God is and what He did for us. Remember what this time is about this weekend and that we have to celebrate our God and our faith in God.
