Mighty God, I Need You

Today was supposed to be my day off. I usually try and get some extra sleep on Wednesday because it is in the middle of the week and it is between my two busiest days. However, this morning I just could not sleep. I wanted to sleep but this was a day where my pain controlled me. I really hate these days. I get nothing done even though I have a lot to do. I got through my homework like I always do but sometimes that doesn't feel like enough. I spent all of yesterday in classes writing and learning and taking it all in. Today I had to process everything and get my schedule in order for this last month of school.

I have tried so hard to keep quiet about my pain and the fact that I am handicapped. However, now I have the opportunity to give my first hand experience to a class full of students and I don't know if I am emotionally strong enough to make myself so vulnerable to them. My public health professor wants me to use the entire fifteen minutes for my presentation because I know so much about my topic (which is arthritis in children). As I was talking with my mom she kept saying that it would be so easy just to show them what my life is like and show them first hand experience about the life of a child with this disease. I can't stop thinking about this and it is eating away at me.

Sharing this part of me is not something I wish to do on this campus ever again. I don't want to be the poor girl with the disease, nor do I want to be the girl who is "faking it". I have the chance to share with a classroom full of people how much Arthritis actually affects children. I want to be the voice for all the kids who can't voice this themselves. Until I met my friends at the Arthritis Foundation I felt like I was fighting this battle on my own and losing. I had my mom fighting for me all of my life but when it came time for me to fight I was scared.

It is only through faith that have come this far and faith can take me further if I let God be involved with this task. Not only do I have the chance to share about how much this disease hurts thousands of little children, but I have the chance to share with the class how much God has to do with my battle against this disease and others like me. The truth is that medicine can only take you so far. I suffered for so long with very painful medication and each week when I knew it was coming I would pray for a reason to skip the appointment but I went and I survived and I have come so far.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Right now I am letting fear of judgment cloud me in this decision and I am letting it get in the way of something wonderful that I have the opportunity to do. It is not something that I can just get over but God can give me the strength and the courage that I need to do this. I can do this because I have our Mighty God leading the way. However, prayer is appreciated always!

Our God Reigns

I read the Bible a lot. Most of you do as well. Sometimes for me, there are places where it just feels like there are words on a page and they don't make sense in my life or in my head. We were all given the opportunity to watch The Bible series in which we were taken through all of the Bible. I know that some things were false, and some people didn't like it but if you gave it a chance you could get something really special out of it.

I was tentative about watching it at first because I had watched the Passion of the Christ before and it made me miserable for days. I couldn't shake the feeling that I deserved to die because of what man kind did to Jesus. There was so much violence and blood and horror and it made me feel guilty. I am not sure if you have seen the movie but I would not recommend showing it to anyone that is young. It really scared me. I wasn't sure what to expect when I started watching this new series but I was so impressed. This series made the Bible come to life for me. It made sense of everything that I was unsure of and it made me ask questions and look things up in scripture.

The other amazing thing about this series was that for this past month it was one of the most highly watched shows in such a long time. News stations, comedians and talk show hosts were stuck on this series. There were so many  advertisements for this series. Regardless of how you felt about the way that they told the story of the Bible, this series was watch my millions of non-believers. This show provided a chance for all of us to be a witness to all those who are lost. It left people with questions and when they come looking for answers are you going to be ready to answer those questions?

We watched the story about God's people preaching the wonders of Jesus Christ. We also watched them get beaten down and persecuted and even killed but that did not stop them from proclaiming the name and the life of Jesus Christ. That did not stop them from sharing the news that God sent His son to save us and that we have been saved. So now as we sit, safe in our homes we too have the opportunity to share with everyone that we have all been saved. There are still people who are persecuted for proclaiming the name of Jesus Christ but over here we have millions of chances and resources to get the Word out.

If this series has done nothing else but set you on fire for Christ then that's worth it. Watching, and taking in each and every disciple and compile the work that Jesus did during His time on this earth, has set me on fire. I want to share the message but I cannot do it alone. Let's take a step forward together and spread the great news that Jesus Christ died to save us and to forgive our sins. We cannot keep quiet we need to shout it out because our God reigns.

Long Overdue

It has been so long since my last post. I let life get in the way of my writing and once I missed a few days I felt like I had already failed so why bother trying to catch up. A million things always get in the way and insecurities push their way into my life and my head. I had so many things that I have wanted to share but I never took the time to sit down and share them. I actually saved a ten page file on my computer that had so many posts that I wanted to say but never did. Then on top of everything else my computer crashed in the middle of midterms. I lost almost everything that I had saved on my computer. All of the worship music was gone all of my papers and work was gone. I lost my computer and there was no way to save it. I was feeling so discouraged but I knew that I needed to get a new one and fast.

I was facing so much and I didn't know what to do or how I was going to afford it. The pastor prayed about my dilemma and I felt like such a materialistic person for having to pray about a new computer. I wanted to hang my head and leave but God was still at work. I didn't know at that point that God was taking care of some things for me, making it possible for me to get what I needed to continue with my work and my ministry. He once again reminded me how blessed I am to have my church family members in my life. He also reminded me that He is in control of everything and that even when I don't turn to Him right away He is always working.

So much has gone on since I stopped writing. It's all been kept inside of my head and unspoken because I never knew how to put my thoughts into words that others could understand. So here I am again back to this blog, attempting to continue what I started such a long time ago. Just because I haven't been writing doesn't mean that God is not working in my life it just means that I haven't shared the work He has done for me in a while. I have been on this little journey of trying to make time for everything and still never getting anything done.

I have expectations for myself that I, nor anyone else can really reach. I just can't do it all, and I know that but that doesn't stop me from trying. I was taught the phrase, "See a need, Fill a need" since birth. So I have taken that as, See a need, and no matter how busy you are, fill a need. My interpretation leaves little time to breathe or relax but that's just me. Writing for this blog seemed to just fill my need to write and speak what's on my mind so I figured that of all of the things I do that was not really benefiting anyone other than myself, so I stopped. I focused on fill other peoples needs and being their support.

However, I do need this blog. Even if I can't be on top of it all of the time, I need it. I need to share how I see God in this world and how amazing He is. I need to share His miracles because they are not something that I have the right to keep to myself. Most of all I need to write because the more I write, the more I feel the Holy Spirit inside of me and working in my life. So take a moment and remember how wonderful our God is and what He did for us. Remember what this time is about this weekend and that we have to celebrate our God and our faith in God.

Two Years Later

Two years ago today my life changed course. Things were going great for me. I felt like I was on top of the world. Yes, I was in pain but I didn't care at that point because I was just loving life and loving my senior year of high school. I had made all of these plans and I knew which college I wanted to go to and I was leading the yearbook and enjoying my music. I pushed my surgery to February because I had so much else to do during the holiday season. Now I know that some of you have heard this story before but I want you to see this in a different light. I want you to try to see the big picture and see how I got here today.

For those of you that don't know, I went in on this day two years ago to have a pretty simple surgery to prevent my knee from continuing to dislocate. I was nervous but I calculated and figured out that I would be out of school for two weeks and then I would be back in and ready to finish what I started. What I didn't know was that this surgery would become a nightmare that I could never wake up from. The surgery itself went fine but my body did not like that it was tampered with and decided to work against me. I ended up back in the hospital a week later but this time I went there to stay. I had a second surgery to remove the large blood clot that formed behind my knee cap.

I was in the hospital for a week. I can't remember much of it, except that I was in pain, and more pain than I had ever felt in my entire life. Mom was by my side every step of the way and that is about all I can recall. I wish that I could forget the pain and I wish that it could never have happened but it did happen. Up until now the most that I have ever gotten from this situation was learning who my real friends were and who left me the second I needed someone to lean on.

I cannot believe that another year has gone by. I have so much to be thankful for though because within the last year I finally was able to walk on my own after needed crutches and a brace for over a year. I don't need my wheelchair and I can walk up the stairs all by myself. To you that may seem like something I should have been able to do since I was a baby but I lost all control of my leg and my muscles. When I couldn't walk I began to forget what it feels like to be "normal". I was always that poor little kid who went out to have surgery and never came back.

God has brought me farther than I could have ever imagined. I am so grateful to be able to look back now and see how far I came. My faith was tested more than I ever wished but I believe that I have finally past it. I am still in so much pain but I no longer sit here and blame anyone or blame God for the way that things turned up. God is good and it is with His strength that I am walking around and finally healing.

Isaiah 41:10 

"So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Life Poem

I have written so many draft posts this week but I have not felt like they were good enough to share. Lately I have been feeling like a terrible writer and I did not want to share it with you and risk the fall out of judgement. As a writer I am going to hit some rough patches. Its not that I don't have something to write about, its just that I can't find the right words to put it all in. So my task for this weekend is to write a poem for my poetry class. I have not felt led to share anything with you but I am going to have to share this poem in class on tuesday so I figured I would just share it now.

Whether you like it or not (please do not tell me its bad because I cannot bring myself to change it right now). Here it is, it is a little bitter sweet but it is an example of how God showed up in my life even through sorrow and pain.

Sweet Child

 

No room for air

No time to call

One too many set ablaze

Fire rising

Inside tired souls

Jumping fast, water ready

Guard the innocent eyes

The pound of a dial,

And the flashing red and blue

Find cover for the tiny one

In a room far away

Tears flow steadily down

Two sorrowful faces

Another takes it all in as

Far off voices fade

And the hand of a tiny baby wipes all tears away

For now that is all I am going to say about that! Thanks and have a great weekend. 

Think Again

For a few days now I have been judged and ridiculed for posting my feelings on certain subjects. Those people doing the ridiculing probably have no idea that everything they say affects me in some way. Rather than continuing to be upset and to blame others for my mood I have decided to share with you the gift that God gave me a few days ago that made me want to do nothing else with my life for just a little bit longer. I have been praying for a break from the busyness of school and traveling and work. I just wanted to stop it all and remember what it is that I am doing here in the first place.  

After the snow storm as I said previously, my dad and I were outside on Friday night and all day Saturday. Those are the best days because my entire body goes numb and for once I can feel like a normal person who isn't in too much pain to work. It sounds really silly to most of you, and even a little dangerous. When you are like me and you spend every single minute of every day in pain, the chance to feel normal is rare and special. I don't want people to pity me while reading this because I am tough and I don't want your pity I am a strong person.

I have been selfish for a few days now. I have been praying for school to be cancelled again and I have been praying for more snow. I know that we haven't face the total cleanup yet and that people are still without power but for just a minute I want to be selfish. As you know and as I will continue to say, snow just does something for me and my mood. When I am in the snow, no one can touch me. No one can hurt me. No one can ruin that moment for me. It is like the world goes away for a minute and all stress can be ignored.

During the snow storm I love to shovel because that is my God time. I feel so close to God when I shovel because I can't hear anyone else and I am too busy looking at the white snow to see anyone else. We all have one place where God feels most near to us. Mine is during the winter snow season. So now I hope you get it. Please just understand that snow is how I see happiness right now. I am not being a negative person when I wish I was anywhere but here. I just know what waits for me outside and I would rather be there and be close to God than to be here and listen to everyone complain about how much they hate the one thing that I love.

In His Hands

Last night I had to face a fear of mine. As many of you know parts of New England were hit with Blizzard Nemo this weekend. Being in CT meant that we got hit hard and were stuck inside for days. I had brought my best friend home from school the night before the blizzard just for safety reasons because at that point we did not know just how bad this storm would be. We have had large snow storms in my lifetime before, I have seen two feet of snow a few times but it usually comes from having one storm then maybe a day later having another storm on top of that one. This storm however dumped it all on us at once. There were places here that got three feet or more of snow. Plow trucks were breaking down left and right and people were stranded without power.

The stress of it all was headache enough and the clean-up was overwhelming but we got through it. The roads however were not cleaned off yet because the trucks were not handling three feet of snow and who can blame them. Right now the roads still aren't clear and accidents just keep coming because even though we live in New England not all of us drive well in three feet of snow. I myself am a nervous driver because I have felt and seen what its like to slide backward down a hill in a small car. It is the worst feeling you can ever have. You lose total control and there isn't time to think about what to do next.

Of all of the schools that cancelled ours hadn't cancelled so we got on the road and began heading back to school. My sister was very persistent about needed to get back to school before six pm, so I finally gave in. I had this feeling that we should have waited until six but I was too nervous to deal with her complaints.  We were about halfway to school when all of a sudden my sister and roommate got phone calls telling us that classes were cancelled for today.

All I wanted to do was turn the car around and go home but it was too late. I had successfully made it over the highway with minimal sliding. That was a gift from God, and I was not about to test my luck any further on the terrible roads. I just want to say, that in no way am I blaming those who have spent days away from their families to clear roads. I am just simply telling you all about how much anxiety I was feeling at the time.

When we got that phone call I was ready to turn around and let my sister have it. I was so angry with her for making me drive on the icy, snow covered roads at night just to find out that we had no classes. Instead I took a breath and continued driving because I knew that there was nothing else I could do at that point but trust that God knew what He was doing even when I didn't. I kept thinking about Carrie Underwood's song, "Jesus Take the Wheel". At that moment in time that was what I prayed. I prayed that God would take the wheel and calm me down so that I could just drive.

To simply put it I am referencing the book of Job.
"In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind." Job 12:10

That whole ride here I was not in control. I am not the reason that we made it here safely. God is the reason that I overcame my fear for just that one night. He gave me the strength to not fall apart out of fear. No matter the fear, small or big, put it in God's hand because in His hand He created life. So the next time that you are scared or facing a fear give it to God, put it in His hands and let Him help you. 

Day Five: Results

I made it through another week. Sometimes the weeks seem to drag on and other fly bye. I can honestly say that waking up every morning and listening to Chris Tomlin and Casting Crowns was like drinking coffee to wake up. Listening to uplifting songs was what got me energized to make it through the days this week. Though I faltered a little one day this week I did not falter in the morning or before bed. I am able to take away from this, the message that I wanted to share with you.

No matter how small the amount, just letting a little bit of God in where you had let something secular in adds something new and fresh to your day. Before I go to bed at night I also listen to music, so by just adding some Christian music to my bedtime routine, no matter what sort of day I had I ended it worshiping Christ.

This week I am going to leave you with that final note, but I would be curious to know how this challenge affected you. God works in mysterious ways for all of us.

Day Four

Today started out okay. I was rushing around to finish getting ready and do my homework. It was stressful because I was studying for a poetry quiz. My memory is terrible so in order to do well I have to read things over and over and over. In between every single one of my classes I read the essay that we had to read many times. I was really stressing myself out. I just wanted to do well on the quiz to make up for the other two that caught me off guard. When I sat down in class ready to take my quiz my sister turns to me and tells me that there was no quiz for today that it was just a class discussion.

I was so angry that I wasted all of that time on poetry when I could have been focusing on the rest of my work that I needed to get done. I tried listening to my music to relax but it wasn't working today. Nothing seemed to be working well for me today. I wish that I had stayed strong but when the other radio station came on I just let it play because it fit my mood. I am so angry with myself for just giving up on a challenge that I was advocating for but I am not going to lie and pretend like I didn't. The temptation was there, things were going wrong and I stopped fighting and gave in. It sounds like something small but regardless I faced temptation and I went with it because it was easier to listen to depressing music then to listen to music about having hope.

However life is going to throw us some random temptation of any level. My temptation may be small to you but it hindered my completion of a goal and a challenge. It is easy for me and for you to say that it seems easier to just go with the little temptation because it is small and the outcome is not going to be terrible. By giving in I not only failed this goal but I strayed from my path a little. Each time we give up we stray from our walk a little bit or a lot.

This is why we should continue to fight any temptation that we face.

^"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." James 1:12

We have a wonderful gift waiting for us each time we stand the test and each time we overcome temptation. So I will continue this challenge because I can't give up completely. I made a mistake but that doesn't mean I have to quit my challenge. I hope that you are more successful than I have been and I continue to pray for everyone who has been joining me on this little journey. God bless you all and remember to fight all temptation. 

Day Three

Today was my first day “off” in a few weeks. I may only have classes two days a week but I am always busy on the other three days of the week. This morning I was finally able to sleep in yet I still woke up at eight. I got myself back to sleep but my dreams ended. I laid in bed for a while thinking about all of the things that I had to get done today. There was a lot to do and I am not done with it yet. I am slow at doing homework because I like everything to be perfect before I will consider it done. I put a lot of pressure on myself to get my work done in a timely manor. Take this blog for example, I have written out blogs for all of the days that you don’t see posts for because I felt rushed and I didn’t want to put them online before I was happy with what I wrote.

I judge all of the work that I do because I have this weird fear of disappointing people all of the time. I pull away from people before they have the ability to be disappointed in me and it has worked for me in the past. However, I feel like it is time for me to actually say that out loud to another person (or online). The truth is that the one person I really don’t want to disappoint is God. Above all His disappointment in my sin is what keeps me on this war path of being a better person and being the best that I can be at everything that I do. Sure I mess up (a lot) but that doesn’t mean I am not trying to be better than the person I was even just a few minutes ago.

Please don’t misunderstand what I am saying about my relationship with Christ. I am not saying that I spend all of my time worrying about how I will disappoint God next, and God does not sit up in heaven waiting to be disappointed in me. That is not how the relationships work. Sometimes for me it seems that I take one step toward the right direction and then something happens and I take two steps back. This is in my own personal opinion, but it doesn’t mean that I have gone completely off the path that God has set for me. All that it means is that I lost my sense of direction suddenly and I have to be redirected with forgiveness. 

I have gone back to one of my favorite verses for today and I want to share it with you. It is a pretty well known verse but it is worth sharing time and time again. 

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.^" Philippians 4:6-7

No matter what God grants forgiveness. Today I found that through music and through time alone and time with God. This is one of those days for relationship building and healing. I would definitely recommend a day like I had today. Keep up the challenge and keep up the good work.

Day Two

I usually always wake up to Christian music because it is the best way for me to start my day.  I usually start listening to secular music on my way to classes because I am trying to wake up and be ready for class. Today I went all day just listening to a few of my favorite worship songs. I felt a little bounce in my step which is weird because I was so overly tired. While I was in class I kept singing those songs in my head (which is probably not the best thing to do during class). As the day progressed my work load was growing more and more and I was ready to go into shut down mode and skip class.

There are times when I stress myself out so much that my pain gets out of control and bad things happen after that. I had to make it through six classes today. It was my choice to do that but today of all days was just very overwhelming. I really just wanted to be home and see my best friend on her birthday and go see the new baby that arrived in our lives this morning but instead I had to walk in the snow and keep going to class.

While I had to walk to yet another class I put in my headphones and went back into my own little music world. Listening to uplifting words of praise gave me new perspective on my stress and on everything that I was missing out on. This was not a sudden thing though, it took me all day to reach that point of acceptance. The work that I have facing me tomorrow is ridiculous but my challenge for this week will keep me going tomorrow (well at least I hope it will).

Scripture is what keeps me going as well as the music. I have found some peace in Matthew today and I decided to share that with you.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” Matthew 6: 25-27

God has blessed me so much and even though on days like today I feel like I can’t handle anything else, I come to realize that I can handle it because God is with me. I don’t have to panic all of the time because I am overwhelmed I just  need to have faith.

A Week Long Challenge

 I have been really down lately which is weird for me in the winter. Usually I'm at my best all of the time and I am enjoying life, but for some reason I am just not feeling very joyful. I have been praying about what is wrong and why I can't shake this feeling but it wasn't until a few days ago that I decided what I needed to do. There was something that I did some time ago that really snapped me out of this type of mood. I have decided to do that same thing again but include you all this time. A few years go on the Christian radio station they proposed a challenge where you would spend an entire month listening to nothing but Christian music. For some of you this is how you live every single day, but for the rest of us this is a challenge.

In order for this challenge to work you cannot listen to any other kind of music, whether it has words or not. The only music you listen to is by Christian artists. There is so much Christian music out there that it shouldn't be a problem (or at least I hope not). 

I have chosen to only do the challenge for a week because that goal still seems more appealing to me as something that I can reach. I found before that by just changing the music that I listen to, I can change my mood or my outlook on different situations. I want to do this with all of you as well. You don't have to start this week but you can start next week. Just start, at some point. Try this challenge and see how it changes your week. If that seems to easy for you, then do it for a month. 

For the rest of this week I will be blogging about my days and how the challenge makes an impact on my daily life. I urge you to take this small journey with me or take it alone but just take it! I am very excited to see where God leads me this week and how He will use music to guide me or to help me. God Bless and good luck!

Humbled By An Unspoken Hero

In the busyness of everything we have to do it's really easy to throw yourself a pity party. Things haven't really been going that well for me lately and I have been stuck in this rut of jealousy. Everyone else seems to have it all together when I can't even begin to get my life organized. I have all of these thoughts and things that I want to say and things that I want to do but nothing ever gets done. I always upset someone or someone upsets me. This week I have really been ignoring everyone else because I just didn't want to care anymore about everyone else's perfect little lives. I also didn't want to care about the people that think that they should give me advice where it's not needed or non of their business. I just wanted a break and time for myself (which of course never happened).

Today for the first time in a while I have been very humbled. Something someone said in one of my classes made me realize that there are other people that just put on a brave face and go through the day leaving the rest of us to think that they are fine. It was the first time I stopped thinking about how terrible my life is and started thinking about someone else. All of this came about from a silly poem that we read in poetry class. Toward the end of class the professor asked us all a question about war and how it impacts us all differently depending on whether or not we had someone in the war.

I sat back waiting for the usual show of hands of the people who had relatives in the war. Then there was this one boy who didn't have a relative in the war but he had a tie to it. This boy, who is probably only a year or two older than me was stationed in Hawaii (changed state for confidential reasons). He was in a unit, he didn't say what type of unit but he told us how fast peoples lives can change. While he was serving, half of their unit of men got deployed. He told us that the families were hopeful and positive about everything at that time. Then about two months later they got a call telling them that the entire unit was blown up and all of the men died.

It was my classmates job to go and tell the families. He said it was like watching them die in front of him. Not once did he show any pity toward himself only sympathy for the families. He continued to tell us that he folded and presented flags to 250 families of dead soldiers. The pain in his eyes was almost too much to bear but at the same time I looked back at all of the silly things that I have let cloud my life and make me bitter, were nothing compared to what that boy went through and what all of those families went through. I know that so many people are serving and that most of you probably know someone who was killed in the war but I have never heard a story that had that much of an impact on me like my classmates.

I sat in a classroom for an hour and fifteen minutes with a man, who by the grace of God did not get deployed with his unit but rather stayed and completed a job that many of us could never imagine. God humbled me today. He humbled me through an unspoken hero.

Safety In Christ

We all have some sense of security when it comes to our daily safety. The first time that we walk down a staircase after we have fallen down the stairs at some other time, we are cautious. We know what can happen because it has happened before. After a few times up and down the stairs we kind of brush it out of our minds and move on with our lives. Growing up we are taught how to not be afraid of everything dangerous but rather to use caution. This has worked for so many things and it is something we are trained to do as kids. However, what happens when we are facing danger and we have no way out of it and no way around it?

Today I had to drive my self back to school. It's nothing new, I have been doing it for a long time. I always have some fear on the road because people are wild and there is always a chance for an accident. Today was a little different because it was snowing. I have also driven in snow on my way to school before and I made it here just fine. However, everyone was making such a big deal about this snow because it was coming with ice. As each of the schools in my area at home cancelled I continued to grow nervous. Before I could even pull out of the driveway I sat for a few minutes watching the snow fall and playing out the different scenario's in my head of what could happen while I drive.

Once I was out on the road my fear did not go away. I kept talking to the car like I was crazy because my car is not that great for any sort of bad weather. Talking to the car did not make anything happened but I can guarantee that  I am not the only one who talks to/ at their car every once in a while. As the roads got worse all I kept seeing in my mind was how I could crash in certain areas if there was ice. I knew that I needed to calm down but I wasn't sure how at first. Then it hit me how silly I was for nothing thinking of the best thing to do when I feel so unsafe. I just needed to pray so I did.

This is what God has to say about my fear and the danger that I was facing.

"For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.”Isaiah 41:13

I made it to school without sliding on a patch of ice or getting into an accident. I honestly believe that it was God. He gave me the strength to quit being so afraid of the road and the snowy ice and reach my destination. I cannot say that my fears were totally shattered but I was able to calm down and keep on going. God has made a promise to us again and again.

No matter how small the fear or how dangerous the situation is, don't forget to call on our protector. I have said it over and over again that God is with us always. Even when we forget to call on Him, He is looking over us. Things are bound to happen because we live on this sinful earth, but we can face it all as long as we have Christ.

God of This Earth

This semester I am taking a course called comparative politics. I was not sure what the class would entail I just knew that I had to take it because it is part of my minor. Come to find out that the content of the class can be outlined by the title of the class. We compare the politics of all of the countries around the world. We are looking to see what countries have similar politics and what other countries could do differently. We have to stay up on current events but for me, I barely watch TV so I am lucky if I know who is even in the news at all right now.In the class today we were discussing the different power struggles that are happening all over the world. We compared the terrible lives that the people living in those countries have to live every day. The death tolls are reaching ridiculous levels and violence is how kids are brought up.

I am short for time today but I just wanted to get my thoughts out there and see what you think. While we talked about everything that is wrong in all of those countries I kept trying to figure out a solution. However, before we can even start looking for a solution we have to find the root of the problem. A lot of students blamed the issues on corruption of governments all of the world. The problem that I see in all of those countries and even our own is that God is not there. We have lost the most important foundation of this world. In all of this chaos and terror everyone has seemed to forget who created all of this for us. We are here on this earth because of our Lord and savior yet no one will turn to Him when they need Him most.

While I spend the rest of the day is class, think about that for a while. Think about all of the stories that you see on the news and then think about what could happen if those countries let in God.

Gotta Have Faith

There are so many things in this world that bring me down and that bring others down. It is a part of our everyday life but that doesn't make it any better. We are human, we fight, we cry, we lose, we cling to things, we don't trust each other, and the list goes on. There are so many things that seem so unfair. Sometimes I sit here and feel like I am watching so many great memories in my life slip away like they meant nothing. I try to think positively but Satan is always there and ready to trip me up. I wish that I could tell you that he doesn't trip me up sometimes but that would be a lie.

I have to face a lot and I have faced a lot in my lifetime. I have shared many of those struggles with you on here and some I have shared with in person. Lately I have been in one of those moods where I don't want to talk to anyone because everyone else seems to have the perfect life compared to me right now. I look at everyone else and see how many people are getting married and starting a family. I look at everyone else and see how easy school is for them. I look at everyone else and wonder what it is like to not be in pain all of the time. I look at everyone and try to understand how everything can just be falling into place for them while in my life things seem to be falling apart.

I forget that I am not in control of my life and that as long as I long to be someone else or long to have my dream life, I am missing out on what God has planned for me. I have been very unhappy and have begun to push people away because every time someone talks to me I get more and more disappointed with the way that my life is going. I get so tired of being alone, I get so tired of being hurt, and I get so tired of everyone expecting me to be someone that I am not or condemning me for having opinions. It is like I am stuck in a rut and everyone is making sure that I stay there right now. Sure, on the surface people ask how I am doing or what is going on in my life but they're too busy to hear me when I cry out for help.

The reason that I am having these issues arise again is because I am not turning to God for help. I have faith that God will work in my life the way that He plans to, but being faithful and being happy are hard to do for me. I want to be happy again and I know that God can do that if I let Him. The funny thing is that when I was shopping earlier today I found a silly little picture frame that had such a powerful quote on it. I am going to leave you to think about this quote and maybe see how it applies to you in your life and in your walk with God.

It says, "Faith is not believing that God can, it's knowing that He will"