New Year, New Goals

Everyone talks about the new year as a way to start over. They choose to believe that they will forget everything that happened in their lives over the past year and have a clean slate. I thought that it was smart for people to do that and for a while I actually thought it might be possible, but the truth is that its not. Unless you loose your memory you are not going to forget everything that happened. In reality I don't want to. The pain and loss that I felt has taught me so much and I have come so far since then. To forget it would be to pretend like it didn't happen and that it didn't matter. Every single thing that happened to me is not going away just because there is a new year upon us. 

I spent my year learning, loving, growing, gaining, losing, hurting, and living. I cried and I laughed just like everyone else and I choose to go into this new year moving forward with everything that God has brought into my life throughout all of 2012. I'm not going to face this year with a false idea that I get to start all over. My life started over the day I accepted Christ  into my heart and now there are no more start overs. I was already born again meaning that I already had my start over.

The other favorite thing that people do is write out their new year resolutions. I used to do that when I was little because I figured that if everyone else did it, I should too. Some of you have probably written those lists out too at some point. Ask yourself this question, when have you ever actually followed those new year resolutions for more than a week into January or a couple weeks? It is not that we set unrealistic goals for ourselves, its that we set goals that we think we should reach but don't really want to. We have no motivation to continue following those resolutions once the holiday buzz has worn off.

Rather than repeat our past mistakes, or make up some random resolutions lets make it count. Set goals that you can reach. Don't do it on your own, bring others into it with you to keep you accountable. There is a passage in Philippians that gives us the guidelines for a great "resolution" through Christ.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:12-15

I'm not setting a resolution this year, I am setting a goal. I am making a suggestion that both you and I set a goal. My goal is to grow closer to God and to stay faithful in my walk with Him. So now that you know mine, figure out what yours is!

Oh the Snow

You are probably tired of me talking about snow but snow is my happiness. The reason that I did not write yesterday was because I took time to spend with my family and my extended family.

I have been all over the place for this past week. I slacked on my duty as a friend to many, I had no patience with family and I spent more time sleeping than in the Word. I was frustrated with myself for not being happy on the day that our Savior was born. I love Christmas, in fact I live for Christmas. It makes me happy and it brings me closer to God. The days leading up to Christmas were busy and left no time for the enjoyment. I was working hard and not getting anything out of it. I was trying to make this holiday magical for everyone else, the way it usually is for me. However, this year was harder than I ever imagined. I thought that for one day I could push aside my hurt and my loss but I couldn't. Everywhere I turned was something that reminded me of what I once had.

Nothing could touch me and take the numbness away so I figured why bother trying to talk to them about how I feel. I have prayed and prayed and some others have shared that they prayed for me as well. It was hard though to be the happy little Christmas elf that everyone wanted me to be. I tried my hardest to hide everything else that I was feeling so that I could please my friends and family. I am expected to be the same Christmas obsessed person that I have always been and until now that has never been a problem. I wanted to be the person that everyone wanted me to be, and on the outside, I did really well, but on the inside there was no jolly elf.

I took my first breathe of the season tonight. I put on my snow gear and I went out to work on the driveway with my dad. Once he got to the top I walked up to meet him. When we walked back down the driveway we saw that 2 1/2 more inches of snow had fallen over what we had just cleared. I handed my shovel off to my dad and laid down in the snow. With snow falling on my face I finally felt like everything was being cleared. It was like I didn't have to pretend to be happy and I felt God with me. I was burred in snow and it felt like I was being held and comforted.  In the few minutes that I laid there I came to understand a lot of what this season has been like for so many others.

Christmas came and went so fast this year. It is such an important time of the year in my life. At this time of year a lot of people become depressed and lonely but not me. I love being inside and looking at Christmas lights. A few days ago, someone walked into our home and said that it was like walking into a winter wonderland. I was glad that someone noticed what we were trying to do. I love to decorate and I love to spread Christmas joy. I could never understand why people would get depressed around Christmas. I also didn't understand why others were not as joyful as I am during this season.

This is the first year that I fully understood how this holiday can bring sadness. I realized that every single Christmas light brings up an old memory of something that I once had. I put on my brave face and I made the most of the amount of joy that I had this year. I am not saying that the holiday's are the reason for my sadness because that is not the truth. The memory of the joy that I once had with those that I loved consumed me and when I realized that it will never be like that again, the Christmas lights lost some of their magic. I am so grateful for the memories and I had to realize that I won't lose those memories even if people are not in my life. I will always have those memories and I get to make new ones too.

So before you judge me for being so obsessed with something as simple as snow, this about where your comfort comes from. God shows us things in all different ways, you just have to be ready for Him to show you what you need.

Respecting Young Adults

It's not easy being the age that I am and looking how I do. I am almost twenty years old, but because I look younger than that I am never treated as an adult. Many adults like to say that I am still young and I am still a child but by law I am an adult and I have been acting like an adult for a lot longer than some adults have been acting like adults. Everything that has been told to me by adults about how to treat one another. I have been told not to judge others, to respect adults, to listen to adults, to treat others the way I want to be treated, and when there's a conflict to go to the person and work it out. This all is great for us to learn but when I finally reached adulthood this is not the way that other adults act toward me.

No matter how much I have grown up or how much I have learned or have to say, I am treated like a child. People tell me that I am still a child and that I will always be a child but adults, think back to the time when you were twenty years old. You waited so long to be an adult and you finally get there just to have everyone tell you that you are a child. Every time someone told you that you were not an adult, your heart sank a little more each time. I have a voice just like you do and what I have to say is just as important as someone who is in their 40's or 50's. We are told how we should feel, and what we should say when really we are all on our own paths with the Lord. You have no idea where I am in my walk with Christ and it is wrong for other adults to pretend like my faith is the faith of an small child. I have been walking with the Lord for over fourteen years which is longer than some of those who judge me.

I am not here to scold you but rather to make you aware of how you treat young adults. Christian adults who continue to preach things that they do not put into practice are pushing young adults further and further away from God. Recently there have been cases where someone disagreed with something that I shared and rather than coming to me, turned to my parent. I have a voice of my own and the words that I express are words that come from my mouth not the mouth of my parents. We are told to turn to our brother and try to solve problems but really why should we? If the adults around us do not give us that chance then how can they sit there are preach it.

I have learned a lot from all of my experiences and luckily it has made me a stronger Christian but I have friends who have turned away from their faith because of adults. The people that we look up to treat us as if we know nothing and as if we have nothing of value to say. We are told over and over to respect adults and our authority figures but I have been both an adult and an authority figure and I have rarely been respected. It is both hurtful and angering to me that I am not being treated the way that I am expected to treat other Christians and other people. 

However there is something else that I need to remember, which is:
"Command and teach these things. Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through prophecy when the body of elders laid their hands on you. Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers." 1 Timothy 4:11-16

Though I am angry and though this does not always seem fair to me, I cannot get stuck in this angry thought process. God has more for me to do regardless of what others think about me or how they treat me. I have to keep myself living a God focused life and sometimes things are going to bother me like this and I am sure that I am not alone in this frustration but we all have to remember that at the end of the day we serve God not each other. Adults, please take this to heart and the next time you address a young adult think about what I have said and remember to show respect. We look up to you for guidance but if you have no respect then how can we learn.

Parental Guidance

There are 364 days until its my favorite holiday again. Usually this is the worst day out of every year for me, but this year is just the topping on my list of terrible days this year. Yesterday was fun and a wonderful way to remember how special the day was. Everyone was on their best behavior and it seemed like there was a true holiday cheer. This is one of the reasons that I love this holiday. Everyone is unusually kind and caring. It seems that children try to be on their best behavior while they wait for Santa to come. I am not saying that Christmas makes everyone behave perfectly but rather that they try harder to behave on this one day. The very best part is that for one day people that don't usually attend church, go to Church.

Christmas eve and Christmas day are wonderful opportunities to remind people of the real reason that we celebrate this season. God is needed in this world and for every other day of the year more and more people fight against letting God into their lives. On this one holiday I notice that people are more open to talking about Christ and what He has done in our lives. The day after Christmas, my mom and I always go out shopping because everything Christmas is on sale. We buy lots of presents for the following Christmas on the day after Christmas and put it all away. We talked about traditions with people that we conversed with today and a door was opened each time to talk about the Lord. I get so uplifted when cashiers stop to tell us about their Church services and say the words "Merry Christmas" to us as we leave. One woman talked to us about Christ before learning that we too were believers.

I was feeling really great about the work that God was doing not only through my life, but through the lives of others around me. Then as we were standing in line to pay for our items at one store, I was listening to families around me and my hope began to fade. Kids were arguing with their parents over items that they wanted that Santa hadn't brought them. I kept thinking how spoiled these kids were acting and I felt bad for the parents. One conversation that really bothered me was the conversation between a daughter and a mom behind me in line. The daughter was on her phone and getting angry at tweets that she was reading. She turned to her mom and told her mom about the things that people were saying about her. She used a great amount of profanity and her mother didn't seem to care.

The girl wanted to retaliate against the girls who were saying rude things about her and I waited for the mom to give advice and tell her not to. Instead the mother told her she could do it if she wanted to because the girl deserved it. Then she told her daughter to be care not to get her boyfriend involved because if he were involved he would break up with the daughter. I was so offended that the mom let the daughter speak to her like that and then not advise her to be the bigger person.

For the first time in a while I was glad that my parents acted like parents for my entire life. The relationship between that mother and daughter was like a best friend from school relationship. There was no guidance from a parents perspective because the mother was not acting like a parent. This really struck me as a potential cause for the lack of respect that kids now have toward their parents. This brought me back to the verse in Ephesians which says:

"Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do." Ephesians 6:1

This verse applies to my life so much because it has been drilled into my head and its how I try to handle every situation with my parents (even when its really hard). I never thought about what would happen when your parents aren't believers and don't give you good advice throughout your life. For those of us that have the good parents who have built a foundation on living a Godly life, should be praying for those who do not. Take a moment to thank your parents for being able to guide you throughout life and through all of your struggles. Even when we didn't like the discipline it taught us something about living life as a believer. For those of you whose parents are not believers pray for them as well because its never to late to accept Christ. As for me, I choose to pray for the parents who are so lost that they are not teaching their children how to be good people.

Merry Christmas

Unto us a Child is born on this holy night. Thank You God for sending your son to us on this night. God bless and remember that the true meaning of this Christmas is the birth of Jesus Christ.

Christmas Eve

If you are on here reading this blog then you're missing out on my favorite part of the holidays. I am taking a break from writing for today and tomorrow to be with my family and have full focus on them and on this wonderful holiday. Find a Christmas eve service and join in some fellowship with fellow Christians!

He Can Restore Life

Today was supposed to be the end of the world according to the ancient calendar. It was a ridiculous theory that was never going to come true unless God decided it was time to call us all home. Rather than the our world ending on this day, we spent time in remembrance of the 26 people who's world's ended last Friday. For the families who lost their Children, I'm sure it felt like their world's ended. Today as I tried to focus on remembering the loss that all of those families felt, many people kept reminding me about my loss. Everywhere we went someone asked us where our baby went and each time someone asked my heart sank even more. My attention was directed not at the great loss that occurred one week ago (which is what I wanted to focus on), but at the great loss that I suffered six weeks ago.

For every minute that I was lost in thought, life was moving on. I learned today that our baby is happy and healthy, with her new family. I know that I should be happy for her because I want the best for her but when I lost her, my world ended. I was sort of wishing that God would choose today to end the world so that this pain could stop and an eternity of love and life with God could begin. It was unrealistic of me to think that way but it didn't stop me. The beautiful light of my life was taken on this exact day six weeks ago, and I have not been the same since then. She may not be dead but I feel like I have lost her forever.

I was watching a TV show last night and one of the characters said exactly what I feel. He said that there are two types of grief, the first is a grief of what you had with that person. The other type of grief is a grief of what could have been and what will never happen. The two griefs are very different and I have experienced both forms. The one I am facing now is a grief of what could have been. My grief comes with every toy that she could have had or every outfit that would fit her and add to her cuteness. Its every milestone that I will never get with her, and every day that she won't be by my side bringing joy into my life.

I do not want my life to end (in case you were worried), but until I can figure this out I am living a life that's not mine. I am living a life of distrust in everything that I have loved and clung to for so long. My world did end that day and I have to find something that can start it again. I need something to shock me back into my routine and my life the way that God wants me to be living it. There are times where I forget what it's like to feel happy. I wonder sometimes, why God lets me feel this way.

This is where I am now and this is where my help begins:
"Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.You will increase my honor and comfort me once more." Psalm 71:20-21

He has brought me to my knees and brought my world down with me so that He can teach me. He has brought me to my knees and it feels like my world has ended but God has a different plan. There is something He wants me to see through all of this and no matter how hard it is I will figure it out because He's got my attention now and I have nothing else to lose. He has promised me so much and I don't deserve any of it. He has made a promise to restore my life again. He is not going to let me stay broken like I am and no matter how long it takes He is with me and He is watching over me. My world ended and so did the world's of all the victims families but with God our lives can be restored again, because with God all things are possible.

When Things Go Wrong

When things go wrong in people's lives it is so easy for them to blame God. When something happens that people don't like, its automatically thought that God is punishing you for something you did wrong. I have had some time to think about this, and I realized that when things go wrong for me I automatically look at myself and hate myself. I hate myself because I feel like the reason things are going wrong is because I have sinned and dug myself into a hole of pain. I become so angry and continue to sin because I feel like I do not deserve the love of Christ. This is not an excuse for any form of sin, but it's how I reason things.

I have been stuck in this cycle for so long and it took me up until now to figure out my pattern of self destruction. I am able to fight it off at first, and continue to worship and praise God and trust that He forgives my sins but after a while it all builds up. The more I sin (no matter how big or small) the more guilt I feel and the more self hatred builds. Eventually I convince myself that I am not worthy of God's forgiveness so I don't even ask for it anymore. From the outside it seems like I am choosing to hate myself, but its more of an emotional dive into the pit of sin and fear of failure.

I did not want to share this at all. I wanted to keep this my private, secret finding. However in prayer before I began writing I felt led to share this. Sometimes when I feel led I have no idea why, which is the case right now. In my life, it seems like I am the only one who is on this crazy emotional path of self distaste. No matter what people say to me it makes me feel worse. Sharing my sin is like admitting that I disappointed God and those around me that love me.  No matter how great the sin, it eats away at me. I can see though, that a reason my sin eats away at me 24/7 is because I am not asking for forgiveness I am punishing myself because I need someone to blame for all of the terrible things that happen and have happened in my life.

I was reading the Word today and came across this passage in 1 John.
"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 
1 John 1:8-9

The reason that my self hatred builds up is because I have not claimed my sin and turned it over. I am still trying to hide the sin as if it would go away. I want to punish myself (not physically) for the sins before I turn them to God and let Him forgive me. It is going to take time to let things go and let God forgive me. It's not that I don't want forgiveness, it's that I feel like I don't deserve forgiveness, but isn't that the point of it all? None of us are worthy of the forgiveness of Jesus Christ but He gives it to us anyway. Don't make the same mistakes that I have and just turn it over to God. Be bold and ask for forgiveness. God doesn't want us holding things in and He already knows our sin but He is waiting for us to admit it and just ask for forgiveness, not matter how big or small the sin is. Sin is sin and God forgives sin. 

The Words of a Child

Today my two little sisters had Christmas parties in their schools. Both my mom and I went so that we could take turns in each of the girls classrooms. Right next to where we parked their was a tree that was decorated with random ornaments and garland. Before we got out of the car I was making jokes with my mom about the fact that there were Christmas decorations outside of a school. I said that according to the law there is to be a separation of Church and State and in the word Christmas is the word Christ, therefore technically they were breaking their own rule. After we got out of the car I read the sign that was on the ground next to the tree I felt so guilty for making jokes. The sign read that each of the ornaments were for each of the victims of the Newtown shootings.

Hanging my head, I walked into the school. While walking down the walls I looked all around at the bright colors everywhere. Hanging on the walls were the art work of every single student. I turned to my mom and commented on how happy elementary schools are and she said exactly. I was, for the first time in full realization of just how devastating and sick, this horrible tragedy was. The news cannot help us fully grasp what this horrific event looked like. We can hear the stories on the news but to see the same type of setting that the gunman faced when he walked into the halls of the school made it that much worse. The cold feeling that washed over my body was horrible, but it brought everything full circle when I realized that the one important thing that those halls are missing, is God.

He is not allowed in schools and without Him things are not getting better. This latest tragedy is added to a long list of terrible events that have, and will continue to occur in places where God is forbidden. A few years ago I attempted to write a thesis paper on schools not allowing God in, but that paper was pulled and I was not permitted to complete it. I know you are probably thinking that I should have fought it, but at the time I was young and too scared to push the rules. However, while I was researching I found this poem that was relevant then and relevant now. It was written by a teenager in Arizona but that teenager remains unnamed.

Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd. 

If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice. 

For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.

We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,

And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.

It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such "judgments" do not belong.

We can get our condoms and birth controls,

Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.

It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:

Should I be shot; My soul please take!

Amen

This poem is blunt but it expresses what needs to be heard by those leading our schools. I am not here to 

fight with anyone, rather to give my opinion and share the words of a child that told us all something that we 

and others need to hear.  

The Path of Glory

I am finally done with the pressure of school (for now). I studied hard all semester and it paid off in the end. Looking back, the semester came and went before I could blink. I wasn't sure if I would be at this school still after my freshman year, but here I am on top of my game. God had a plan, and a year ago, I couldn't see that plan and I wanted to give up and walk away before any further damage could be done to me. However, no matter how much I hated it here last year I knew that I had to come back. God came through for me again and my situation at school was much better this year. I have actually grown closer to the Lord through being here and listening to Him.

This semester was better in terms of living condition and friendships, but it did not go well in many any other ways. I have never faced a class that gave me as much trouble as this math class but because I liked all of my other classes there was a balance that kept me going. Emotionally this semester has been a roller coaster. It started off very well in September and I was happy almost all of the time. I was praising God and loving my life. Then I was stopped in my tracks when in the middle of the semester my baby sister was taken from us to move somewhere else. That loss has haunted me since the day that it happened. It greatly effected my academics and my morale. There was and is an overcast of sorrow that I can't shake.

It made me feel very alone here at school. The only place that I didn't feel alone was at home or at Church, but I live at school so it's hard to spend tons of time at Church or at home during the week. It was hard to grieve when I had so many other responsibilities. I spent a lot of time in the Word about this issue and I have written many posts on it throughout the second half of this semester. For a while I started to forget what it was like to be truly happy. I didn't know where to turn or how to get help, so I continued to cry out to God for help and for comfort. It took a while me to realize that He had been sending me comfort all along.
One of my classes was about interpersonal communication and we covered all of the topics that were affecting me at the time. I was given an answer but it took time to see how it applied to me. Using my loss and my knowledge of grieving I was able to gain a new perspective on my situation and others situations.

The end to this semester is like my end to the painful loss that interrupted my studies. Every picture on my wall is left behind for an entire month and all of the tears that I cried can dry and disappear. I can continue to dwell on everything that has gone wrong this semester or I can listen to what is written in the Word.

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.  For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed." Romans 8:18-19

We have a promise, right in front of us, that glory will be revealed to those of us who wait for it and stand firm in faith. For me, the way I see it is that by ending this semester I get a fresh start with a focus on the glory that God will, and has brought to me. We have so much to be hopeful for but that hope can be clouded by our hurt and our suffering. I challenge you, on this day to look back at your "semester" or back at the year is passing us by. In doing that I have been able to see some of the glory that has been worked into my life. The path of the Lord is the path to the glory of the Lord, and we have a choice to make yet again. Are you going to take this fresh start and choose your own path? or Are you going to turn to God and take His path of glory?   

The Eternal Comforter

Before my exam last Friday, I didn't want to check my email or go online because I didn't want to get distracted. I had many text messages but I didn't want them to distract me either. When I finished my exam I had received eleven messages but decided not to read them until I wrote Friday's post. When I finally checked my messages and turned on the TV I realized that while I was off in my own little world, a horrific tragedy was taking place just an hour and a half away from where I was. From the moment I turned the news on until just a little while ago, I have been watching everything unfold.

For this one weekend, this country and other countries tuned in to share in the hurt and sorrow that came with the death of twenty beautiful children and six wonderful adult women. The President came to visit to offer his condolences to all of the families that lost someone. Temporarily I am sure that, that was comforting to learn that the President cares about your loss. Even the Queen of England called to offer her condolences. Millions of people have posted on line how sorry they are for the families. I have read and liked many different posts but I haven't offered any written response because I don't want to just say that I am sorry. Hearing that everyone is sorry for you is not always comforting, especially hearing it over and over and over. I have spoken on what to say to someone when they are grieving in a previous post and some of that can be applied to the families that have been left broken.

Over the weekend the names and faces of the Children and the women that were killed, were released to the public. There are foundations already up and running in memory of the children. I sat staring at the pictures of five, six, seven, eight and nine year olds, seeing their happy little faces. You can see such brightness and light in all of the kids pictures. When I realized that those lives were taken, and that the light of their faces was gone, I grew angry and heartbroken at the sight of them. I didn't know anyone that was killed but I felt the pain (or what I believe is the pain) of the families who, eleven days before Christmas just lost their child (the adults were someone's child too).  I posted that I hated the world. At that moment in time, regardless of what anyone said, I did hate the world. I hated that I could live on this earth with someone who killed kindergarteners and teachers.

In re-thinking that, I realized that I can't hate the world because not all of the world did this. This was the work of Satan and now more then ever, we as Christians need to be teachers. Hearts are broken, lives have been lost, families have been torn apart, towns and schools are in fear of this happening again. The feeling of safety has been shaken and damage has been done to every single child who saw someone else get shot that terrible day. Nothing that anyone else can say to those families and the children, husbands, mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers will comfort them right now. Saying that things will get better or that we are sorry does not provide healing but puts them farther away from being comforted.

I cannot sit here where I am knowing that many of those people might be missing the one thing that can help them heal. That one thing is a relationship with the Lord. God is our eternal comforter and right now all of those people effected by this terrible tragedy need to know that He is the healer and that He is the one that will keep us safe if we let Him. This is the time where we share the message with every bit of strength that we have because right now people desperatley need somewhere to turn and if we don't at least show them the way of the Lord then we fail our job as disciples.

If words fail to come to you when you want to share the message try this verse (with a little explanation):
"If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living." Romans 14:8-9

While we are all here dealing with the aftermath of this evil, twenty little angels and six bigger angels are dancing in heaven with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. They are eternally safe from any further harm that Satan may have wanted to inflict on their lives. While we pray for those children, we also need to focus on the ones who were left behind. Many lives were taken but we have the chance to save many more in the midst of this sorrow. Both you and I need to get out there and share the one real piece of comfort that can be provided in all of this.
. 

Just Study

This week was what a lot of us call, exam week. Granted there are always people who use this week to party, but the majority of us spend the entire week with our heads in our books. Any other time of the year we save studying for last minute when we are done hanging out with friends or having a good time. This one week is the time where a lot of us finally read the textbooks that we have had all semester or finally read through the hundreds of notes that we have taken. Our end goal and the thing that keeps us focused, is to do well on our exams and go home for break. I can't tell you how many hours I spent reading my books and making note cards this week. On top of that I spent hours with an online tutor in hopes that I would find success today.

In thinking about this more I realized that Christians get tested as well. Our faith is tested so many time throughout our lives. We may not be able to see them coming but we can surely recognize at least some of them when they are happening. For my silly math test I went to a tutor and spent hours learning and practicing everything that I could hold on to. Why is it so easy to study for an academic test or a test that will re-license people in their field of work, yet we get so lost and helpless when we face a test in our spiritual lives? We have resources that we can study yet we don't always use them. We have been given the textbook for life but when times get tough some of us forget that we have such an amazing life tool.

As new technologies are invented, new opportunities are invented that Christians can use to their benefit. If you want to sit down and hear a message that someone presented in a sermon then you can go online and do it. We have the ability to download sermons to watch over and over again until we think the message sticks. A lot of the hard work is done for us. If you can't figure out where to sit down and start reading the Bible you can go pick up a devotional and start from there. I have even make little note cards for myself when I am facing a trial that read scripture to inspire me to keep going. What's even better is that we have the Teacher on call 24/7, all we have to do is call out His name.

Don't just take my word for it, take the words of Scripture:
"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God, may be thoroughly equipped for every good work" 2 Timothy 3:16-17

To continue my analogy, God has given us the cheat sheet to our test in His word. We must have faith through all tests. The next time you are facing what you think, is a test from God take a step back and consider treating it like an academic test. Don't panic and give up, just study. Study the Word, study His promises and trust in Him. Make this test of faith, the most important test you are facing and study. 

I am a Fighter

I am a fighter. Not in the physical sense (I am a little small to be fighting physically) but I am a fighter in every other way. I used to be the one that everyone stepped on or the one that everyone used but now I am a fighter. Being a fighter has caused me to lose people that used to be in my life but I don't regret it because those very people were the ones hurting me. People continue to use me but I have a better handle on it now so I don't let it get to far. Sometimes I wish that I didn't have to be a fighter but it's how I make my way through each day. I fight for what I believe in and I fight for what's right.

I have had to fight so many times to get the help I needed in school. I found my voice finally in a meeting with the school psychologist a few years ago while she was pretending to know whats best for me. I fight for the rights of others who aren't getting the help that they need or the help that they deserve. I don't scream or yell while I fight I use solid facts and proof to prove my point and win every fight. When it looks like I am going to lose a fight, I step back and get my affairs in order before I go at it again. I don't give up because If it were me I would hope no one would give up the fight. My goal is never to put the other person down but rather show the other person that there are other sides to every situation.

I realized recently that fighting has given me a false sense of security with everything I do. I have been successful in the past and continue to stick up for others and be the rock. When something works you usually don't give up on that tactic when facing a similar situation. However, I have learned that in all of the fights that I have "lost", I did not have God in on it with me. There are fights that I want to fight in order to gain something for myself but I go about it with the wrong intentions and without the proper fighting tools.

I consider myself to be a prayer warrior. I do not pray out loud in large groups because it makes me nervous but I spend a large amount of time each day in prayer. I don't give up on praying either. I fight to keep myself going and to keep bringing everything to the Lord. When someone is hurting I fight through it all and keep on praying until that hurt is gone or until God answers the prayer. I do not fight against God, I fight against the spiritual warfare that gets in my way. I do not, and I will not let that warfare stand in the way someone in need. God has given me the will to fight for what is right and to fight for His people. There are times where I get hot headed and forget my goal of fighting. There are times where the warfare makes me stumble and I lose sight of how I should be fighting the fight as a Christian.

Prayer is something that I am good at doing but sometimes I do wonder if I am doing it right. Sometimes I have to stop and look for scripture that will guide me on how to pray or how to face every situation with a God centered fight.
"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:16-19 

When I don't put up a good, God centered fight I feel like I have failed those that I was trying to help. Even after reading this you still might think that facing everything with a fight is not the way that Christians should live but it's how I live. When I am fighting for what's right, or fighting to get help for someone else I feel the strength of the Lord. I feel like every time I pray and every time I fight off the warfare that I am wearing the true armor of God. It is offered to us all but some aren't ready for a fight. 

I am not challenging you to pick a fight with someone. I am challenging you to pray and pray like a prayer warrior, not letting anything get in your way. I am challenging you to acknowledge that the devil is going to try to take off our armor but that with God we can stand strong and we can face the fight. Do not just fight to win, fight with a purpose, a Godly purpose. The thing we need to be careful about is making sure that when we head into a fight we are heading into it with a clear, and Christian like head. So again I say to you that I am a fighter... Are you?

Trapped

Have you ever had a dream where you are stuck somewhere and all you want to do is leave but you can't find the way out? I have, many times. It is really horrible when that dream because somewhat of a reality. I am not saying that we are literally getting trapped somewhere but emotionally and figuratively speaking we do get trapped. From the outside it seems like there is always an easy way out but the person who is stuck just doesn't see it. Put yourself in the other person's shoes and you see that in distress nothing is clear. For me, its like I am in a room and I know that there is a way out but I cannot see through darkness.

The logical thing for a believer to do is call out to the Lord and ask Him to show you the path. I have so much to do, that its like I wrote that down on a list to remember to do it later when I finish what I need to get done. Today in particular I was trapped in the dorm room all day with nothing to do but sleep and study. To you that sounds ideal but for me it was frustrating to have all of those hours to think about everything that I have been feeling and everything that I still needed to accomplish. I have another daunting task that is distracting me from my studies but I can't get it out of my head. I sit here and wish that I could just go home and give up on all of this because right now I don't care about school I care about feeling happy again.

There are two places that I am able to clear my head the best of all of my worries. The first is at my church while no one else is there I am able to work through everything with God. The other place is in my car driving around. I thought that maybe if I took a break from studying to take a drive to the store I would be able to clear my head some but that just made it worse. While I was at the store there was a baby that was crying out la la which is what our baby called me. I tried to ignore it because I felt silly for letting that bother me but I couldn't get it out of my head. I can't focus because all I have on my mind is that baby that I lost. Now my drive to be home is even greater than it was before my little road trip.

I am so confused at what my purpose is right now and what I am supposed to be doing here. It seems like my pile of things to do is growing larger and larger and I have no idea what to start with because I fear if I start with the wrong thing it will all come crashing down. I have not been able to put in as much time in the Word as I have other days and I feel like I am trapped here. I have called upon the Lord for help but I fear that with all of the noise that my thoughts have created, I won't be able to hear Him when He answers me or that I won't be able to find my way out of this mess to follow Him.

I was led to this verse which I believe fits with everything that I am trying to say about my situation.
"Turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding— indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding^,  and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding." Proverbs 2:2-6

My worries are acknowledged through that verse but are also responded to. When God is ready to give me the understanding that I need to stop being trapped, I will hear Him because in my heart I am waiting for that response. Even when we are trapped or feeling trapped the only way out of that feeling is through the Lord. There is no way that I can make these feelings go away without guidance from the Lord. As I face this struggle I pray that I do not go at it alone. I cannot face it alone and neither can you. We need the Lord and He is our only light in the dark room. 

Is Pain a Weakness?

Pain is something that I have had to deal with for almost my entire life. I hate talking about it because I always feel like I am complaining. I also always remind myself that I am one of the lucky ones who is still living life and walking around. There are people that have way bigger problems than me. Unless those around me suffer with pain the way that I do, it is hard for them to understand what it is like to be this way. For most of this semester my pain has been under control, to the point where I was able to act like a normal healthy individual. The pain was only visible to those that live with me. I had so many problems last year when everyone knew about my pain and my disease, so this year I chose to hide it from everyone.

I wasn't involved in any health or fitness courses this year so there are some professors that don't even know that I am handicapped. When people find out that I am handicapped, some call me a liar and the others see me as weak and helpless. All of that has shaped the way that I live my life here on this campus. Sometimes it is hard to pretend like nothing is wrong with me but God has gotten me through so much and He is the reason that I am here today. A lot of healing had to occur before I could even walk without a limp this year. All of the doctors told me that there was nothing else that they could do for me, but God never said that. This time medicine tried its hardest but God is the above all healer. After everything that has happened to me pain wise, over the past two years, I finally thought I was done and healed.

There was one point this year that I did wish I spoke up about my pain. Something one of my professor's said a few weeks ago has not left my mind. I have shared this with some people but I don't remember how many! We were learning about mental disorders in one of my classes and the professor brought up Fibromyalgia and misinformed my entire class about it. She called it a simple disorder with no proven cause and that it consists of little amounts of pain for small amounts of time. I was outraged but too afraid that if I spoke up about it, people would form negative opinions about me and about others with disabilities. All I kept thinking was that I have so many friends that suffer with this same thing every single day. We battle this disease and really, there are no treatments for it because there are so many symptoms to treat in the first place.

For the past few days my pain level has increased to the point of making me ill. This is such an important time in my life right now because I am supposed to be studying for finals, and I have little sisters who want to play with me, and I have so many commitments and now I have this uncontrollable pain. I did not want to share this with everyone because it makes me feel weak and it stresses me out because I can't stop limping and people are starting to notice. I have gotten so caught up with making sure that no one knew my weakness but now I am not sure that, that was the right thing to do. God gave me strength through my weakness and I have not shared that with others I have hidden it away because I was afraid that I would be labeled by others.

While studying the Word today I came across a verse today that has filled my thoughts.
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."  2 Corinthians 12:9

So here I sit today admitting to you that I am at a very weak point in my life right now. My pain is causing so many problems and it is making me very sick. I have been in prayer pleading for this pain to leave me alone. I have prayed for this pain to just calm down but it hasn't yet. It is effecting my studying and making it hard to focus one what I need to get done. I am weak, but God is strong. Pray for me and pray for others who are feeling weak right now. The next time you feel weak, I challenge you to share that weakness in others and let them watch as God turns your weakness into strength. It takes time and it seems impossible but strength will come. That is all that I can cling to right now as I fight this pain.

Through a Tiny Voice

With classes behind me, finals are in front of me. Due to the fact that classes were over I was able to stay home an extra day this weekend and help my mom out with the kids. I love being home and I love being up with the kids before they go to school. In order for mom to catch a break this morning and get out of the house, I had to get up way earlier than I wanted to so that I could get the kids ready for school. They are in afternoon kindergarten so I had a lot of time to spend with them and to entertain them. For me, watching the kids and getting them ready is like playing house. For that amount of time that mom isn't home the house gets run under my care. It sounds scary for my mom to leave the house in my care right? Well I can assure you that I run a pretty tight house (I learned from the best). It was sort of like an answer to a prayer that I shared with people last week. I was needed for that time, and I was able to be a part of something bigger than myself. I was able to help someone that I loved and have fun at the same time. That is not really the topic but I figured I would share my answered prayer.

When I am home I love to do art projects with the girls. I have this favorite website that has craft ideas for all of the different seasons, and for all different types of craft materials that you may have laying around. It is focused around the age of my twin sisters so it is my reference whenever I am home. They love doing crafts and I love watching them create and imagine and learn. My mom taught us so much through crafts when we were younger and it was such an effective tool for my other sister and I and it has stuck with me. No matter how much the twins drive me crazy, or misbehave, the second I pull out craft materials something changes in all three of us. They turn off their attitudes, put on a smile and are genuinely excited to see what I have planned. Today both of them were very happy and excited that I was home so I decided to sit down with them and talk while we worked on our puppets and Christmas tree.

As I was telling them about today's project and teaching them how to make the hand-print tree they both got really excited and both said that it was going to be a surprise for mommy. They worked so hard on this little project and when mom called they begged me not to tell her about what we were doing because they wanted to see her face when she got home. While we were waiting for her arrival I was making small talk with one of the twins the other one picked up an ornament that had been sitting on the counter. The ornament was a picture of our baby that we made last year. She picked it up and was looking at it and then turned to me and asked me if I missed the baby.

I was speechless at that point. She asked me again and I turned my attention to her and told her that I missed the baby so much and then I asked her if she missed the baby. While she was answering me I was reaching into a drawer to get something and trying to turn my face away from them so that I didn't cry. When I looked back up, the other twin looked at me and softly said that I looked sad. She proceeded to ask me why I looked so sad. I couldn't believe that she could read my face that well. I was even smiling so that they wouldn't think they said something wrong, but there I stood being read clear as day by a five year old. I told her that I just really wish our baby still lived with us because I missed her so much. Before she could respond to me, the other twin looked at me and said, "Lizzie! It's okay I miss her too, but we will see her again I promise!".

I almost added an I hope so in there but realized that I was talking to a five year old. While I was quickly processing all I thought was that she was five and couldn't make any promises to me because she doesn't understand what has happened or what is happening. While I was thinking negatively, the other twin added in by saying, "Lizzie, it's okay to be sad because we miss her and we love her, and maybe she will come back one day". I completely froze at that point. I didn't say a word and neither did they. I stopped thinking that they were only five, and I stopped pretending like I was teaching them because that whole time, they were really teaching me.

I have been praying and seeking comfort through all of this. Everyone had advice for me and mostly it was that things would get better and that I should look at the good things in life. I was told to look at how lucky I was, and to remember that it was all part of God's plan. While I knew all of that and while I heard every word of it, it was not comforting, in fact it made me feel worse about the way that I have been feeling. Then these two little girls who appear to know so little about the situation but say what I have needed to hear for an entire month. I truly believe that God was working through these two beautiful little girls today in a way that I would have never guessed. I finally heard the words that comforted me and made me feel like it was finally okay for me to be sad and to be upset still.

God will always surprise me with His timing and with the way that He answers me, but I can promise you that He does answer. He is listening and no matter how long it takes don't lose faith because God knows what you need to hear, or what you need to have happening in your life. When you pray, above all, pray with the assurance that He will respond to you. It is hard to wait and it might be painful but look out because God's answer can come in all shapes, sizes and ways. Today I was blessed with comforting words from two people who, until today, did not know how deep my sorrows went. Trust in the Lord because He hears you, and He loves you. Have faith and keep on praying.

God's Got Your Back

No matter how bad things get and no matter how stressed out I am God always comes through for me. This is one of the busiest times of year for Christians. Not just at work, or at home but there is a lot going on in the Church as well. It can be one of the most uplifting and tiring times of the year. Looking at the big picture all of my stress is going to be worth it and its just part of growing up. Stress is never going to go away but it is what we do with it that makes the difference. I am the type of person who lets the stress build up and build up until I am overloaded and ready to fall apart. I forget to give all of the little stresses over to God because I feel silly for being stressed out by the little things. He is always willing to take my stress if I am willing to turn it all to Him.

God gives us each the choice to turn things over to Him. He is always watching over us but we have to make the choice whether we let Him help us or if we shut Him out. There have been times this week where I felt like no one was on my side. I felt like if I disappeared this week no one would notice. I am a person who loves to feel needed and I love to help. Support for me is a very important tool that keeps me going in all that I do. I have to feel like what I am saying or what I am writing means something to even just one person. When I let my stress build up and when I let people step all over me, I feel invisible. There are just times where I am not strong enough to share the words that are laying on my heart. I know to you it seems funny that I say that, because I write many thoughts in my posts but sometimes there is more to a story than just what I write.

I have a pretty good relationship with the Lord and He has gotten me through so many things but still in times of trial I bottle it inside almost hoping that if I don't share it with the Lord it will just disappear. That, however, is never the case. The longer that I withhold my stress and my hurt from the Lord, the more time I have to dwell on it and the more damage is done. I know that I preach to others that we all need to turn it over to God right away, but each new situation puts me right back where I started. In time I will learn to do as I say but for now in my walk I am still learning. No matter how many time I mess up and no matter how much I withhold from God before turning it all over, God has my back.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:28-31

I am exhausted from holding things back and trying to carry my burden of stress, and of pain, and of hurt. I have no strength left to fight off the words that hurt me, I have no strength left to fight the pain that has taken over my body and I have no strength to push through this next mountain that I have to tackle. However, God can. God has the strength to help me offer forgiveness and comfort. God has the strength to heal my pain and God has the strength to move the mountain that I face. I can do nothing alone. The reason that I feel alone is because I am not letting the full love of Christ to fill my emptiness. I have not let Him wipe the tears away and I have not let Him give me peace until now.

God will always have my back and He will always have yours. He is willing and waiting for us to call out His name. He has the strength to fight every single battle that you face. He will never leave us alone to deal with stress and pain and large mountains. Today He has shown me His light one more time and reminded me that He has my back. I am blessed when I do not deserve it. Go throughout this weekend remembering that God has your back to, through everything and at all times. He is ready and willing if you will let Him in.

Words With Meaning

In school this year I have done pretty well in all of my courses and I felt pretty strong. When I hit the mountain of loss that I felt was impossible to get over,  God moved my mountains and healing has begun. It took a lot out of me but I still maintained my grades and my work ethic. I an involved in so many non profit organizations and I love to volunteer during the school year. I have to have a balance of everything or I will go crazy. This is the busiest time of the year for me in all of my volunteer work and in everything that I am involved in at home. This is also finals time here at school. I can do it all, and I was enjoying myself and staying on top of what needed to get done.

Christmas is my outlet and my joy. When I am stressed about getting my work done and making sure that I help whoever needs help during this season, I turn on my Christmas lights and take a breath. I have watched love slip through my fingers a lot this year so I have been clinging to Christmas and the meaning of Christmas. Yesterday that joy and that love was taken from me. After handing back exams in math yesterday my professor decided to give us a speech. I did not do well the second time around on this exam and I was devastated. I spent hours studying and reached out for help but still did not succeed. Rather than just letting me sit and wallow about my grade so that I could get over it, he continued.

He stated that instructors can tell which students focus on their studies at this time of the year, and which students give this their last big effort. He said what separates those successful students from the ones that don't care anymore is the Christmas break and holiday that is coming up. He claimed that there are students who get too excited about the holiday and about spending time with their families that they put in no effort at the end of the semester. Then there are the successful kids who push aside the holidays and family and give school their entire focus. He said that when it came time for this last exam and from the one that we just took, he could tell who was focused and driven and who had given up on the semester.

I sat there in my Christmas outfit, wearing Christmas earings and holding a terrible grade in my hand. I was stunned and hurt. I was told that loving my favorite holiday means that I don't put in effort with my school work or my studying. I cancelled the rest of my plans for the day because if anything else was added to the weight on my shoulders I would burst. It really felt like he stole my joy of Christmas and made me feel like I wasn't giving my exams all I have. I second guessed myself and my love for the holidays. I second guessed my priorities and my responsibilities as a music minestry head, and as a daughter and a sister. I suddenly could not figure out how to play all of those roles at the same time and maintain my grade point average.

It may seem to you that I went over board with my thinking , but for me and for everything that I have lost, Christmas was supposed to be untouchable. It was supposed to be the one thing that kept me going and kept me distracted from my pain, and now I was told that it is interfering with my work. My head was spinning and I couldn't make it stop. I wanted to turn the questions off and study like I was supposed to but the words that my professor spoke were ringing in my head. The tears kept falling and I was on my knees in prayer, but I went to bed still not comforted. For just that moment I lost my sense of love and strength that comes with that love of life.

This morning was interesting because I was still very confused at what I could cling to now and put all my love into other than this holiday. God has shown me so much of His love and I wanted to put that love somewhere and keep it growing. I found some of my answer in the Word.

"But let all who take refuge in you be glad;  let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you." Psalm 5:11

God has given me so many things to love and so many people to love. He shared that love with me yet again with a little blue slip in my mailbox. That slip sent me to the student center where my parents had bought me a finals survival box. Inside were some of my favorite things and a little card that read "While you're thinking about finals, someone is thinking of you". That corny little phrase meant the world to me because God showed me that there is more to school than these finals. This time of year is more than just finals time, and that little card reminded me that I can do it all and that I can balance everything as long as I use the support that God has set up all around me. My professor may have hurt me but yet again God put me back together. 

The Piece of the Puzzle

I just sat in my class after getting a grade that I didn't like and was told that this is the time of year where students either get better or give up. The professor said that there are students who do well all semester but when Christmas comes around they lose their focus and they are to excited about the holiday season and they tank their final exams. It was kind of like a slap in the face because that is me in a way. With everything that has gone on in the past month I have put my focus on Christmas and on trying to be happy. I am still not sure if that was a message to me from the Lord but it is a message that is stuck in my head.

I have never faced this problem before. I have always been focused and driven to success in school. Christmas was just the cherry on top of my good grades, hard work and effort. This last month has brought me loss, sorrow, anger and emptiness. I have been trying to put the pieces back together by using Christmas as the glue. Now I feel as if I have gotten to the end of the puzzle and realized that I am missing a piece and can't finish it. I focused on being in the Word, and being a good friend, and a support. I have focused on trying to look at the bright side of everything except for this upcoming testing season.

I have never done well on any tests but some how I always pulled through. I have always had to go the extra mile to do well on tests and exams. I am the crazy person who forgets to eat because all I can think about is finishing my note cards. This year for one of my classes that I am having trouble in, before tests and exams I even go to a tutor just so that I can hopefully do well on the tests. However, this is the end of that class and I am not doing as well as I hoped. I can't blame this lack of focus on my loss because I know better than to let that get in the way of my school work, but somehow it did. I lost sight of what I needed to get done.

I want to put my full heart into every single thing that I do but I have worn thin and I realize that its time to choose where my focus needs to be right now but its not an easy thing to do. I am overwhelmed with so many emotions and so many things that I need to accomplish before this year is over. I hate that I cannot do everything that I want to do or that others need me to do. I am the person who loves to help and if I can't even help myself right now I don't know how I can effectively help others. The stress of handling this load is causing me to lose sleep. It is also causing me a lot of physical pain and sickness that won't go away. There are days where I want to stay in bed because I know that when I get up something will remind me that I have no completed what needs to be done. I have not gotten the grade that I wanted, even after I worked harder than I ever had to get that right.

The only thing that has brought me comfort today is this verse from the book of Matthew.
 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

The only rest that I will find is through the Lord. He is the only one who can keep me focused and give me the tools to make it through this time. The weight of my worries have gotten far to heavy for me and its time that I turn it over to Him. He has a plan for all of this but I was so consumed in everything that has happened, that I forgot that He can lift this weight off of me and help me keep on going. 

A thousand thought have filled my head since I heard what my professor said. I needed some sort of direction and I imagine that I am not the only person who has a large load that they are carrying at this time of year. This time of year is a time where we really need to buckle down and not lose focus. I am going to challenge you and I to do something that may serve as a reminder to us. Take a sticky note or a piece of paper and draw a puzzle piece on it and cut the piece out. Then write something that you need to buckle down and focus on in order to complete the puzzle of your busy life. If it is more than one thing than cut out more than one piece. If it works for you spread it and lets give each other the love and support that we need from each other and from the Lord.

Greatest Self Help Book

We have reached the last week of class in my communication course. We are down to our final presentations before finals week hits us. For this last presentation we were given a month to prepare and converse with out group members. The assignment was to pick one of the self help books that my professor gave us to choose from and read it. There was another class that got to pick books before my class got to pick so by the time my group picked there weren't any interesting books left. Each of my group members and I read the whole book through. We were supposed to analyze it and apply it to our lives. My book was really not applicable and no one in my group agreed with it.

Today three groups presented. We presented ours and then there was one book presented on about being a perfectionist and how to deal with that in your life. It supposedly helped out with people who have OCD as well. The other group presented a book about repairing relationships with your parents. This talked about family strife that put a wall up between kids/ adults and their parents. Both of those groups said that they would reccomend the books that they read because they really did help them.

This assignment really got me thinking about self help books in general. There are so many out there and there are some for every type of problem that someone might have. People spend hundreds of dollars and hours reading and following what these books tell them to in hopes that they will be helped or learn something that will change their lives. Self help books are there own genre in book stores and libraries. I myself have bought some and began reading them but got bored. The thought of using a self help book to make myself better never bothered me until now.

I am kind of angry with myself for thinking that I could find answers to my life questions through a silly book that was written by some person who may or may not know what they are talking about. I was out there searching for help when the best and only real self help book sat on my nightstand. God has given us the very best self help book and (just to clarify) it's the Bible.

Think about it this way, if you had a problem with your taxes, and it was stressing you out and you needed answers who would you go to? Are you going to turn to the toddler that is running around your house and ask them to fix your tax problems? No (at least I hope not)! You are going to go to someone who knows exactly what the problem is and is able to fix it for you. So to put it back in God terms, are you going to search for some author (the toddler in this situation), or are you going to ask for help from the person who knows it all, from the person who made you. I am not telling you that you are sinning for reading a self help book but just remember that you have answers if you just look for them or ask for them.

He has made this promise to us:
"Ask the Lord for rain in the springtime; it is the Lord who sends the thunderstorms. He gives showers of rain to all people, and plants of the field to everyone" Zechariah 10:1
Over and over we read that the Lord says if we seek in His name we shall find what it is that we were looking for. He will give us what we need and be our help.

The next time that you go into a book store and reach for a self help book I challenge you to stop and rather than stand in that section find the religion section and open a Bible (The Holy Bible). Look for your help in the word of the Lord. He had that book written for a reason and over time we learn some of the reasons that He gave us that book. I am not saying that we should all look at the Bible as if it were just a self help book but the Bible is so many things to us at different times in our lives. It is our road map, our comfort, our wisdom, our instruction manual on life and a self help book. It is the word of God and we can all benefit and learn from this amazing book. The only self help book at we really need is the Bible.

Decorating Joy

I love the holiday season. Anyone who knows me knows how much joy it brings me and how uplifting the Christmas season can really be. I go all out for this holiday season, I honestly deck the halls. Some of you may be thinking that Christmas is not about how many lights you have up, or how many decorations you can hang up. You may also think that I overdo everything about this season. I mean I wear twenty five different Christmas outfits in the month of December. I sound a little (sometimes more) crazy for decorating every tissue box, door, frame, bed, lights and many other things. I know exactly what this holiday is really about but I go about it a little differently in the days leading up to that special night than others.

I have believed in Santa my entire life and when I found out who puts the gifts under the tree I didn't care. I know that some believers think that kids idolize Santa at Christmas time which is completely against our belief system but there is a way to teach about Santa without making him more important than the Lord. My parents never out right said that Santa was below God but in our house, but we were taught that Santa is just part of the holiday, while Jesus is the meaning, and the reason for this holiday. I remember that I always pictured Santa being one of God's angels. While other kids thought that the elves were Santa's helpers I ignored the elves because I believed that Santa was one of God's helpers.

Now, every time I put a decoration up, whether it be a stocking, a sticker, the tree, or an ornament, I thank God. Every time I look around my room and my home, or my church I feel so blessed. Something as small as a mini stocking fills me with joy and the love of Christ. Without Him there would be no reason for me to celebrate. This holiday makes me so happy because this is when we got the greatest gift that could have ever been given to us. There are people in countries who believe in Christ but they are not allowed to show it, a lot of them have to hide out because if they become known believers they and their families will be killed. They too have the love of Christ but they can't celebrate the way that we can. They cannot be filled with joy every time they see a Christmas tree (if they can even find one). 

You all know that I have been struggling for the past month. I have watched all of my joy and hope slip through my fingers like sand. I stand firm in my faith but the sorrow lingers. This holiday season for me is a chance at finding that joy again. I came across a verse today that gave me chills while I read it.

"So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." John 16:22 

God has promised me joy, and just reading those words and thinking about how happy the holiday season makes me I realized that maybe this is my joy. This is my reminder to rejoice in the Lord and rejoice in my life. God will bring me joy and I am beyond ready for it to come.

So I challenge you to stop treating this holiday as if it were another annoying, worldly event. We have the chance to make this holiday be what it is supposed to be about. Do not judge those who decorate like there's no tomorrow because while you sit there and make comments about them, you are filled with unpleasantness while they are filled with joy. If you have the joy of Christmas and the joy of the Lord inside of you use this holiday season to spread this joy. We are so blessed to be able to decorate and to be able to spread the word of the Lord. Please be joyous this season. We all need some joy and this is a great time to find your joy. Today and the rest of this season, I want you to look at every Christmas decoration that you have up and stop for a moment and give thanks to the Lord for everything He has done in your life.