Over the past few months I have learned a lot and a lot has happened. After graduation I really began searching for a job. At first I was looking for the perfect job and then I was looking for one that would get me in the door. That in itself was a big change for me. I had to learn to be okay with not having the "perfect" job. Then I realized, what makes a job "perfect". What I've found is that there is no such thing as the "perfect" or "dream" job for me. I want to work. I want to make a difference somewhere doing something where I can give my 100% no matter what.
I have filled out many applications and gone to workshops, taken online courses to build my resume, and have had a couple of interviews. Mostly I've had rejection. At first that was really getting to me. I was becoming disappointed and beating myself up for not being the "ideal" employee. Each time that I applied, I prayed to God asking Him to bless me with that job and help me get it. Which of course was a major source of disappointment because once again MY plan wasn't falling into place.
Recently I have been getting back into The Word, at a deeper level and trying to pray more. I began the journey of creating a War Room and stopping each and every day to pray despite what was happening, good or bad. At first it was difficult because I had so many other things on my mind. Slowly it has gotten easier and now if it were up to me I would rather pray in my War Room than eat, or sleep. My journey is not over, but I feel like something was missing from my life and all of a sudden I've found what I have really desired. In order to feel fulfilled with my life now and in the future I needed to fill myself with the Holy Spirit.
I was running on a "high" you might say. It was my senior year of college. I was doing so well, everything was pretty good. I was "healing" from the loss, I had a 4.0 GPA, my internship was going well. Then I graduated, and went on vacation where I was congratulated every few minutes. Then I came home. I assumed everyone would be looking to hire new graduates who were fresh out, and full of knowledge and the desire to work, but I was disappointed (you may notice the reoccurring theme). I was of course thanking the Lord for everything that was going so well, but I wasn't deeply thanking Him. I wasn't spending time with Him in prayer or in the Word because I was "busy" job hunting.
I began reading "the Battle Plan" book after watching The War Room, and for the first time in a while I'm joyful. That doesn't mean that disappointing things aren't happening, but they aren't eating away at me because I can cast my burdens on the Lord. I am not wallowing here by myself in a world of self pity and rejection. I am actively working on my relationship with the Lord and how I can change my life through Him. I am praying for Him to reveal His plan to me because my plan won't ever work.
In a meeting last week I was speaking with a very kind gentleman about a possible job opportunity. He explained the job to me and told me that in this field and in that job, there tended to be a lot of rejection. He said that a lot of young employees come in full of joy and ready to work, but six months later when they have faced so much rejection and only a small amount of "success", they lose that joy that they once had and tend to leave the job (he said it more business-like but for the purpose of this post I broke it down a little). He asked me what sort of rejection I have faced and I sort of laughed but tried to catch myself. In my life I have faced a lot of rejection... especially when I created my own plan to follow instead of asking God for His plan. I didn't think that was exactly the kind of rejection he meant so I didn't share that part with him but it was rather amusing to me.
He left me with the weekend to think about whether or not I thought I would be able to handle constant rejection and maintain my joy. I didn't really know what else to say to him after that. I didn't want to laugh, or jump to quickly into it because if he was going to give me the weekend I was going to use it to pray and make sure that I wasn't jumping at my own plan again. So I got in the car and called my mom to let her know I was done. She asked me how it went and I didn't quite know what to say except that, that meeting brought something to my attention.
I'm not like those other young employees who lost their joy. They lost their joy because they found joy in success at work, or success at gaining sales. When you place your joy in something like that, you are bound to lose that joy because your job is never a guarantee and you can't foresee whether a sale will go well or not before you make your pitch. So here's the difference; Here's what I walked away realizing; a rejection at work cannot make me lose my joy, an employment rejection cannot take my joy and a single person cannot take my joy because my joy comes from the Lord.
His joy is my joy and He is unchanging. My joy is found in the Lord and the love that He has for me, and I get to take peace in the fact that He already knows how my life is going to play out. He sees what is coming and He is leading me where I need to be and I finally can see that I need to step out of the way and let Him lead me. When someone tells you that prayer changes things, don't take that lightly as I did. I was praying before and I prayed a lot, but I was the one standing in the way before. I still have a long way to go but I will go where God leads me and if its to this job I will continue to find joy in Him no matter the rejection, if it's not I will keep moving forward because even if I have no idea what's going to happen next, I know the one person that does know, and I hope that you can feel this joy too. If you already feel this joy, I can't believe I was missing out on it before.
If you are reading this and you are skeptical I challenge you to pick up a copy of "The Battle Plan" by the Kendrick brothers and just read the whole introduction and try to complete the first little activity. If you agree with me, still read the book because we always have room to grow, so grow with me as I face this challenge. As always, don't be afraid to ask questions (either to me, or your pastor, a trusted leader in Christ, or pray about your questions). I pray that you can find this joy and keep your head up because things haven't changed in my situation yet but my outlook has changed and the rest will follow.
