Break.

For the next few days, I will be taking a break from blogging. This blog is supposed to be my messages of God working in my life, but my heart needs to be in the right place for it. Right now the pain is stopping me from receiving a message that I would like to share with you. Right now, I need to spend time with God focusing on getting better. My story will continue when I am stronger.

Even the Stong Fall Apart Sometimes.

This post is not about a testimony, it's not about me wanting pity, it is me hopefully put this message out there in hopes that if someone feels the way that I feel now, they can know that I am here to be what they need. The prayers that I have received are more than I deserve, but this whole situation, has shown me where everyone's hearts really are.

I am a strong person. It is not my strength, however. It is the Lord. He works through me every single day. When people come to me for advice, I always have something to give them because I go to the Lord and let Him speak through me. I am the first one to offer help, not because I want points of good behavior, but because I want to make other people happy. I never seem to have answers for my own questions, but usually once I ask about five adults I get one answer that fits. I try not to be a bother to people because I know that I always have the Lord. Lately I have been recieving blame for many things. None of which I was remotly involved in. I just let it go, and gave everyone the benefit of the doubt. It really didn't bother me, that my "friends" haven't really talked to me lately. Until now. I was finally forced to let go. I lost control, and I ran out of strength. I am scared. It is the plain truth.

I am medically not okay right now, and today I took two steps back in my recovery. When I finally grasped enough strength to ask for help from people that were around me, all anyone could or would do was apologize. I'm sure that this is a test of my faith and I know that God won't give me more than I can handle, but today, I do not want to try. I want someone else to catch me. My mom was there for me today ready to help me, but she and I are the same size and I would never want to hurt her, so I don't feel comfortable relying only on her. That man today, represented what God is to me. When I had no control over anything, I was scared out of my mind, and I thought that there was no one around to help, he was there. It's symbolic of what God is for us. God sent me that man today, to help me. Although I am in pain, that is one thing that I was protected from.

You may be critical of this post, and I respect that, but I felt the need to share how I feel right now. I need prayer, and I am not afraid to admit it. Sometimes even the strongest of us need someone to take us by the hand and lead us through to better days.

It Can't Be About Me.

I guess, for a while now I really have not practiced what I preach. I know the right words to say when others come to me for help, and I know that what I am telling them is directly from the Lord, but the truth is while I was telling them, I wasn't listening. After an eventful day yesterday, I spent hours in prayer. I couldn't sleep because my heart was heavy. Yesterday someone said something to me, that was everyhting I had been telling them. I felt hurt, and like everything I tried to make better, was thrown in my face. I asked the Lord last night to give me answers on where to go from here. I think that I finally figured out where this downward spiral took off. It was the day that I stopped making everything about the Lord, and started making it about myself.

My long drawn out pitty party needs to end. I am hurting the people around me, and that is why I am losing them. It has nothing to do with God hating me or trying to leave me all alone. It has to do with me not centering my life around God. The "why me" questions are wrong. I know that I am not the only one who is facing this problem right now. I go to public school, and I am involved in the media. I see the self centered world that we live in. I promised that I would never get caught up in it, but when it's offering you immediate satisfaction and you don't think that the Lord is listening, it's just "easier" to follow the world. My "me" centered attitude needs to change.

Part of centering life on the Lord, is giving everything in your life to Him. I tell everyone to do that all the time. It sounds like an easy thing, but I struggle with it. I give almost everything to Him. I hang onto small pieces of my life because I want control. I am scared to lose all control and leave it to the Lord. I know that He will do good in my life, and that my need for control is driving people away from me, but that fear doesn't just leave. I am playing the "what if" game. The only "what if" I need to focus on today is, "What If.... I gave every part of my life to the Lord?". He gave us an answer to that "what if".

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:5-6. It does not say trust in the Lord with SOME of your heart, it says ALL. It does not say go ahead and lean on YOUR understanding, it says to lean on the Lord. He has the answers for everything. It also does not say that He is going to throw you into the world alone after you give Him control. It says that He WILL make our paths straight. We have been promised these things by our father and our creator.

I believe that what was said to me yesterday, was not my friend trying to hurt me, but the Lord speaking through someone I care about so that I would finally listen to Him telling me to let go. It won't happen over night, but the Lord has given me yet another chance, and I need to take it. I need to give up control of everything and hand it to the Lord, He is ready to take it from me and heal me but I need to give it all up to Him. Can you do it?

When Reality Hits.

Well today I was knocked down from my high seat. Everything was going perfectly in my life. I was living high with the Lord, I had good grades and I had an amazing guy friend who was really special to me. Even though I just had surgery, I had people that loved me, all around me. I think that I am hurt because I am dissapointed with myself. Today that boy told me basically that I was making him stumble on his walk with the Lord. I am not simply hurt that he left, I am more so hurt that through all of my work, I ended up hurting someone else.

The point of even just my blog was to share the message of the Lord with everyone that I knew. While I was doing all of this I find out that I am hurting someone else. It is unfair of me to expect him to stick around. Although Satan is jumping for joy right now, because of all this hurt, it won't last for long. I am working on forgiveness, and I give it to my friend. I hope that he can forgive me as well.

Blame is flying around everywhere right now. Part of that is because instead of coming right to me, my friend went to others. Then I did as well. I did not follow what the Lord said, immediately. I should have brought everything right to the person who I felt wronged me. I am still learning how to deal with situations when people hurt me. People are angry with me for messing this friendship up, and I will take the blame because I am strong enough to get over this. If he believes that the Lord is telling him, that I am a disruption in his life, then I must do the right thing, and leave. I cannot worry about who is being hurt in the process, because I cannot falter anyone else's walk.

In reading my bible, I came across Psalm 62:8, "Trust in Him at all times O people, pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge." He said it Himself. All of this confusion and this hurt, needs to be turned over to God, because He takes us and makes us whole again! At this time more than ever, I have to put my faith in the Lord, that He will heal me, and heal everyone involved in this situation. And remember, that every tear that falls from our eyes, is caught by our wonderful father!

I Will Be Your Rock.

Although it seems that we are facing a mountain ourselves, someone else's mountain might be bigger. It took me a while to understand that fact, but now I know that whatever I am going through, will be taken care of by the Lord, because He and I have such a strong relationship. There are others in my life that do not have that strong relationship. I am making a promise to be their rock. They need their "acountability partner" and I am here to fill that place.

I am blessed to understand the strength of the Lord, and to be able to spread that. I know that I am strong and I know that I can help someone else. Right now I am laying on the couch because I had surgery as many of you know, but spriritually, through the prayer of others, and my own prayer, I feel strong. I am blessed with the peace that I am going to make it through this small mountain and that the pain will not take over me.

Today was a rough day for many of my friends. I want to get rid of everyone that has hurt my friends, but I know that, that is not my place. However, I know also that if I bring it to the Lord for them, every person shall pass through judgment. Although it does not seem fair now, my friends who are righteous will be rewarded, and those who do evil against them, will be punished. Right now in the middle of it all, my friends cannot find the same peace that I have found with the Lord.

Isaiah 57:18  "I have seen his ways, but I will heal him; I will guide him and restore comfort to him". For all of my friends, and anyone else who feels that they are weak, remember who created you, and all those around you that love you. Right now I am strong, and I am here to be leaned on (not physically of course). I will not turn anyone away, because when I am feeling alone and lost, I hope that God will send one of His people to me, so that I may heal. I love the amazing life that I have been given. Everything that has happened to me, and is happening, makes me stronger, and brings me closer to the Lord.

If you are in need of a rock, and cannot get to the Lord alone, I will be here. Many people helped me keep on my path with the Lord, and I return the favor now to all of you. The Lord is perfect, and He has already saved us, we just need to remember that even in our toughest times.

With Many Prayers.

Yesterday was my first surgery that I have ever had. It was kind of a scary thing. Going into it however, so many of my friends sent their prayers my way. I am truly blessed to have so many of God's people keeping their prayers with me. Everything went well, and I am now sitting on my couch, fighting off sleep. My grandparents came to see me last night, but I don't really remember it. I was still on the medicine and slept through almost the whole day. This morning I begged my mom to let me go to Upward, so she did. Everyone there was so welcoming and I loved just being in the house of the Lord for a few hours. When my dad came at ten thirty, I was ready to go home. My leg is beginning to hurt, but I continue to pray that the Lord take care of me and let me have a fast recovery. I know that because of His amazing ways, and all of the people that prayed for me I will be fine. I made it through the actual ordeal, and now I will make it through the rest of my recovery.

For as long as I am able to remember, we have always prayed over those who needed it, and they have been healed. This week, it was my turn. The Lord's people put their hands over me and prayed for me. I knew that I would be safe, and that the Lord would keep His angels over me. I went into the surgery, not nervous, but in prayer. This post today is my thank you for all of those who promised me their prayers. I am blessed, to have all of you in my life. I am blessed by the Lord to be surrounded by His people when not everyone gets that opportunity!

The Love of God's People.

A few months ago, I decided to ask one of my friends if she wanted to go to church with me. I was getting rather close to her then, and I thought that she should be introduced to the other half of my life. She knew that I was Christian, and she had other Christian friends, but I think that God gave me the understanding that it was time to bring her to church with me. When I asked her, she was all for it, and she came. She has now been going every week, ever since then! Today she thanked me for bringing her, and encouraging her to pray. I always think that what I am doing is never enough to even compare to what the Lord did for me. I realized that, it is not about being the Lord, it's about bringing people to the Lord.

For the first time, I feel that through everything going on in my life, I have done something right. I have done something that is pleasing to the Lord. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in thinking about my sin, and how I don't deserve the Love that the Lord has given to me. I so easily forget that I am not awful, I make mistakes but mostly my heart is in the right place. Through this friend, the Lord let me see that I am okay, and that He is pleased with me.

"Then He said to His disciples, 'The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few, ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into His harvest field!" Matthew 9:37-38. The Lord has been so gracious to us, therefore it is our turn to be His workers and teach about what He has given to us. We have been blessed beyond our own understanding, and we need to make sure that others get the same chance to learn about the Lord.

Never Fear! Jesus Is Here!

I have a surgery coming up and it was supposed to be at the end of the month, but now it is at the end of this week. I thought that I had more time to wrap my head around the idea of this whole surgery thing, but now it is frighteningly close and I am not prepared. I am fearful that I will not have all of my homework done in time, and that I will miss class and not catch up to where the other kids are. I worry that I am leaving all of the work that I still needed to get done, to people who are already doing so much. This upcoming week, a lot of my friends are going to be on their various vacations, and I will be alone at home after surgery. Yes my family will be there, but I am going to miss being able to go out with my friends whenever I feel like it. This surgery will of course impair my driving because I will be heavily medicated, and its my leg that is being operated on. I am worried that somehow the doctors will mess up, even though they know what they are doing. It's all scary and new to me. I think that I am relying too much on the prayers that others are giving me, and not my own prayer.

"When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?" Psalm 56: 3-4. The last part of this verse isn't really applicable to me right now, but it will be I'm sure in the future. The first part, however, hits home. I am struggling to let go of my fear, and trust in the Lord that He will keep watch over me while I am on the operating table. My lack of faith scares me! I know that the Lord is prepared, and that this is in His plan, but I can't help but think back to all of the shows on TV where things went wrong. What I need to remember is that first of all, on TV, it is all fake, and two none of those people went into an operation with the Lord holding their hands. I plan to go under the anesthesia, talking with God, so that He is ready for me! I am armoring myself with Him because I know that He will get me through this! It is just one more battle in my life, that I will fight with angels around me, and Jesus in my heart!

Accountability Partners

The Lord provides for us all the time. He put the resources and people that we need, in our lives. Each one of us has the opportunity to find, what I call our accountability partner. Mine is my very best friend Catherine. These people aren't just the ones that you go shopping with, or the ones that you walk the track with. These are the people that you can tell anything to, and they will provide clear Christian guidance, and if they can't they will lead you to someone that can. They are there to remind you to pray and read your Bible. Catherine and I pray together sometimes because we need someone to keep us on track as we grow in our faith. The Lord does not expect us to do it all on our own. Sometimes when we fall, we need someone to help us remember who gave us the life that we live. I could not be where I am now without Catherine. Part of digging deep into your faith is surrounding yourself with the right people, and for me that is her. She always makes sure that I am reading my Bible and praying whenever something is wrong. I do the same for her. We can bounce difference ideas off of each other and ask whether what we are doing is Godly.

Hebrews 10:24-25, "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another- and all the more as you see the Day approaching." The Lord has not left us alone. He does not expect us to be perfect, and to encourage ourselves. Sometimes we feel run down, and we just want to give up, but when we have accountability partners, they are there to remind us that what we are doing is a good thing. They become our prayer partners, and our fellow Christians, that "have your back". I know that no matter what happens, I have Catherine, and when I want to give up on God, she will hang on for the both of us. This goes both ways. We are there to serve God, and keep each other on track! Do you have an accountability partner? If you don't there are many waiting for you!

Diving Deep In the Word.

Last night I was having a difficult time coming to terms with everything that happened this past weekend. Then I received a message from my very best friend, who the Lord has blessed me with, and she told me to read Psalm 37. When I sat down and read it, I was brought to tears. No matter what happens to me or to anyone we can give it to the Lord and He will bless us with everything we need to make it through. This weekend left me feeling like I was standing under a rain cloud and no matter what I did I couldn't get out from underneath it. Today I was blessed by people that love me, and people that want to help me. This is not just worldly luck, it is the Lord sending me what I need to make it through another week without giving up sleeping forever. Life may be rough, but we have to stay here and lead the life that God wants us to. In order to do that we must trust Him and give everything to Him.

This week my major problems were people that have hurt me in the past, coming back and hurting me again. I want to hate them and I want them to leave me alone, but the Lord has said, "Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass, they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die." Psalm 37:1-2. If we are always worrying about being hurt by everyone around us, we are not leading a life that is giving glory to God. This is why we must read the Word. The Lord gave us a weapon against evil, and something to give us His messages when we feel that He is not responding to us.

Reading further into Psalm 37, I found the wisdom for all of the questions that I have been asking. "Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways; when they carry out their wicked schemes, refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret it only leads to evil." Psalm 37: 7-8. It was rather interesting to me that although this was written so long ago, it applies to my life so well. I have been sitting with anger over what happened to me. It was unrighteous and ungodly. Going into the Word showed me what I have been doing wrong. I cannot complain about what others are doing to me, when I am so quick to anger. The Lord will take care of all of the people that are causing me this great pain, and they will face Him one day and have to explain what they have done in their evil ways! I am forgiven for everything that I have done, but for now I need to keep these verses close to my heart.

Surrendering Now.

Today my pastor preached about surrendering yourself to the Lord. I have already done that. I have promised to everyone and to myself that I will continue to grow with the Lord, and keep Him as the center of my life. The problem is, that during the sermon yesterday, I realized that although what I am saying is the right thing, but I am not "practicing what I preach". I have done some "soul searching" and found that I have not really surrendered myself to the Lord fully. He does not have all of me because I have withheld some of me. I am trying to fix things by myself, as I have said before. I learned that when I am so stressed out and think that I can't handle anything, is because I have not given all of my trials and tribulations over to the Lord. I am keeping them to myself. We are trying to do what only the Lord can do for us and this leaves us with stress and anxiety.

I'm sure that we all know this verse but sometimes we need to be reminded that we can actually find some of the answers we look for in the Bible. "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10. We can rest because the Lord will take everything from us and make us clean and pure again. Before He can do that we must surrender our lives and our actions over to Him. I have this problem where I like to be in control. A lot of people go through it, but I always feel like everything is out of control, so I grasp onto things that I think that I can control and try to hang onto them and take care of things my way.

Loosing control scares me more than anything because then I can't see what is coming next. I can be calm, however, and know that when I am not in control, God will be. He is ready to take the reigns on my life and lead me. He has set the path for me to walk on and I need to let go of control so that He can show me where to go next. This week I am surrendering myself to the Lord, and giving Him my all.

How Do We Forive If We Can't Forget?

Everyone tells us that we need to forgive those that have hurt us. We esspecially need to forgive those that ask for it. I am recently finding it very hard. When appologies seem fake, and those people never change its hard for me to accept and forgive them. I honestly don't want to. This shows me that right now my heart is in the wrong place. I am not following what the Lord has commanded of me and that is wrong. This weekend a wound that I thought was closed, re-opened and I had a difficult time dealing with it. Myself and a good friend of mine sat in the sanctuary and prayed for a long while. We both need the healing of the Lord. I have tried to go about all of this by myself and fix my heart and heal the hurt, when I needed to give it to God in the first place. I will be the first to say that I do not understand why God asks us to forgive, when it hurts so much to even think about. God has a plan, and He knows what we need. It is said that in order for us to actually move on, and grow closer with God we must forgive.

The person that hurt me is always in my life. They never leave no matter how many times I beg. I want them out of my life so that I can heal, but the Lord is using this to show me that everything is done His way and not the way that I want it to. God wants me to forgive this person, while they are still in my life, and I must do so. This person is in my life providing constant reminder of the hurt that I wish I could just forget. I consider it unfair, but that is my worldy views talking through me. I have not let God enter the situation like I thought that I did, and that is where I went wrong. This situation will never go away until  turn it all over to God and stop trying to do everything by myself. At this point in time I do not feel that I am in the place where I alone can forgive and I know that I will never forget, but it is a learning process that we all must go through in different ways. We will never understand what the Lord is doing in our lives, but we can learn to follow the path that He has set for us.

Surrounded By God's People.

Although we are supposed to go out and evanelize, we need to remember who we are hanging around. Everyone that we come in contact with has some influence on us. Whether it be good or bad. We need to be careful what we put into our lives, and that includes the people. God always put people in our path that we need, but the world is there also. The devil will out the wrong people in our way so that he can try to make us stumble. It is not our job to condemn those people, or try to hurt them and make them believe in the Lord. It is, however, our job to make sure that every person that comes in our path gets the chance to hear the Lord's message. We do not have to be friends with them, because they might trip us up, but we need to make an effort to help them hear the Word. I have come across so many of those people that come into my life, just to mess up my relationship with the Lord.

If we make friends with the people that are of the world, we must let them go. We cannot let that seep into our lives and pull us away, but we also cannot just dump those friends and hang them out to dry. We have to be careful that we show them what a Christian and follower of Christ should be doing. I have gone through so many different situations to get where I am now. I have also had to let some of my friends go because they were not building me up in Christ, they were trying to bring the world into me. For some I let it happen because I was blind, but the older I have gotten, I have become more aware of when I am being dragged down and I can stop it. I am no where near experienced enough to really be advising anyone on this subject, but I can tell you how I got through different situations.

The Lord has brought me through many losses, and I have gained many healthy, long lasting Christian relationships. He has provided for me, when I thought that I had no other choice but to stay friends with a wordly person. I have learned a lot, but I have so much more still to go. I have hurt people on my way here, but I have also received their forgiveness. The Lord will not leave you all alone, but you have to make an effort to use everything that He has provided for you, and that includes the people that He has put into our lives.

The "L" Word.

I read the Bible every single day, but I still doubt the word "Love". Everyone says that they understand what I go through but really they don't they might know something similar but they do not feel the same thing that I feel, just like I can't feel what they feel. I do not believe that you can be loved truly by anyone that isn't your family. This is something that I am working on. People tell me that they love me all the time, but when I say something out of anger, or out of hurt, they leave. Sometimes the people that "love me" leave me with no reason at all.

I know that God puts people in our lives and takes them away, but I have trouble accepting that. I want one person to prove me wrong, but time and time again I am disappointed. People hurt me, people my age and even adults. I know that I am not a nice person all the time, and I am hard to deal with, but so is everyone that I put up with. I do not expect perfection even when it seems that way. I just want the Lord to put someone in my life that will love me and not leave when the times get rough. Friendships and relationships take work. This has to do with forgiveness too. I don't forgive people when they hurt me because I get it set in my mind that everyone who I love is just going to end up hurting me, so why should I try. All of this inner fighting is taking away from my love for the Lord. I am too busy worrying about which person is hurting me to remember that the Lord is always there.

Today I was given a reminder of all of this. Someone who said that they loved me hurt me. I took at look at the whole situation and I wanted to laugh and tell them that I was right about love all along. But I couldn't I decided to go to the Word and try to make some sense of the way that I feel. The word Love is in the Bible countless times, because the Lord tells us that we are loved so many times. However, He also says that we must love.

"If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing." 1 Corinthians 13:3. Without love we cannot fulfill the commands of the Lord. He wants us to love everyone. That does not mean that we ignore those we love that hurt us, or stop people from loving us. We have to live in love and we have to accept it. I will continue to work out the meaning of Love, but for now I know that I am loved by the Lord, just like every single one of you!

Watching What You Say.

Sometimes we forget that what we say as Christians means more than if an unbeliever says it. So much more is expected of us. If we go around speaking with profanity, than how are people supposed to see a difference between one of God's people, and a person of this world. They won't. That is a problem. The Lord tells us that we have to watch what we are saying. The tongue is a two edged sword and we need to use it with caution. The things that we say, might not even seem offensive, but we could be hurting someone. It is our job to make sure that we spread the joy of the Lord, and we cannot do that if we are the ones going around and hurting people. The more that we let our tongue get out of control, the more damage that we do to the situation. I struggle to stop myself from saying what I really feel when I'm angry, because we need to realize that once we say something, we cannot take it back, ever.

It is best explained in James 3:9-10 "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers this should not be." We are being quite hypocritical when we preach about having to be Christlike and be like Jesus, and then we turn around and use our words as weapons against God's own people. It isn't right and it is not what the Bible tells us.We need to remember that we make mistakes all the time and we forget that we are the examples of believers of Christ. There is an enormous amount of pressure on us to hang on, but we are not perfect, and we need to watch everything that comes out of our mouths. It is our job to do and say everything in a Christlike manor.

Priority Check

Back on January first, I made a promise that I would blog every single day, to go along with the daily devotion that I was (am) doing. I thought that it would be easy to do for the first few months of the year, and then get harder as I got into the spring. Well, I am very disappointed in myself. I am slacking on my devotions, and because I am so busy doing everything that I do, I am not putting my all into anything that I am doing. I am not using my talents that the Lord gave me to the fullest that I should be. I feel like a robot when I read the Bible, and do the devotion, I just do the same routine everyday, and I no longer am feeling excited about that. I feel like the fire inside me is burning out. I need to refuel it and start being enthusiastic about everything that I do, because I am doing it for the glory of the Lord. I am not taking my walk seriously enough and that needs to change. That's why today, I think that it is about time for another priority check. We need to take another inventory of our lives where they are in 2011 and make sure that our hearts and minds are in the right place. We need to be serving God, and doing everything for the glory of the Lord. I know that I am selectively doing that and I need to fix it.

We need to remember to fight that mental battle every single day, and win because we are to be God centered people and if we aren't, then that makes us of the world. Someone once told me that we may be IN the world but we many not be OF the world. In Romans 7:21-23 it says, "When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin." Satan loves it when we are walking on our path, and we trip. He will wait for us to fall, so that he can catch us. We must not let that happen. So I have done my priority check, and I now need to make sure that instead of putting me first, I put God as my center and do everything, remembering who put me here in the first place.

I Am Blessed.

Every single day, no matter what has happened, or how bad the day has been the Lord finds a way to remind me just how blessed I am. I face dissapointments just like everyone else, but it's how you handle these dissapointments that makes you as strong as you want to be. I face every situation holding God's hand. He has a plan and if I fauter He gives me the chance to come back. That in itself is a blessing. Knowing that if I mess up, He will always forgive me and take me back. I find that I am facing a door, and wondering whether or not I should go through it, but then it closes, and I find that yet another door opens holding more blessings for me than I could ever imagine. Today when I woke up I was in so much pain. I was frustrated, because I wanted to get out of bed, but every breath that I breathed left me in agony. I fought back the tears, and turned to God. I knew that I was not getting up on my own. I finally got out of bed and my sisters came to my rescue. They helped me get ready for school, and walked me down the stairs. It was God showing me the way, and the answer to my prayers. I still was weak within myself, because I was so exhausted.

As a teenager obsessed with facebook, I decided to update my status before I got to school, so that maybe I would get the support of my other friends with arthritis and we could vent together at the pain. I got to school, and there were no comments. Then about an hour later my phone vibrated to tell me that someone had commented. They did not have arthritis, but they had me in their prayers. This women, is not a women that I am close to, or one that I have the opportunity to see, but she is my sister in Christ and she was ready to remind of God's wondrous works. It was uplifting to see that. The Lord could have sent me my friends that are in similar situations, but instead, all throughout the day He sent me His amazing people. With their help, I had a little army of prayer going. The Lord heard all of these prayers, and I was granted rest from this pain. It is not gone but I was able to relax. I am blessed to have every single one of these people in my life. People that have the same love for the Lord that I do, and continue to build me up in faith. The Lord puts people in our lives for a reason, and I am grateful forever for the ones that He put in mine.

I am blessed. I know it, and I want you all to know that with the Lord we are all blessed.

Just A Bad Day.

I am sure that I am not the only one that has emotions that go wild sometimes. I know that I should be happy during some situations, but I just can't do it. I just want to curl up in a ball and pull my blankets over my head and ignore the world. Sometimes life seems like it's too much for me to handle. When we feel like this we are supposed to lean on the Lord. It takes so much energy to be the one that is always happy. I feel so guilty that I get angry at the world, but sometimes I just need a break. It's like a storm that keeps on moving whether you want it to or not. You are going to have ups and downs. Lately I have been down, but that doesn't mean that I have to stay down. The Lord is powerful, and just as He showed Peter, He can calm the storm, but we must let Him. We have to have the faith that He will pull us out of the storm that we are stuck in.


I tend to turn immediately to blame every time I feel like my world is crashing down. I curl up and cry because I feel alone. God is always there though. While I was upset, the song "Praise You In This Storm" came on and it really reminded me that this storm will end, just like the rest of them, but I cannot be the one to end it, the Lord will calm my storm, just like He calms yours. If you are feeling like an emotionally wreck, that's okay because God likes us, emotional wrecks. He is there to comfort us when we feel like there is no one that will help can.


"For in the of trouble He will keep me safe in His dwelling; He will hide me in the shelter of His tabernacle and set me high upon a rock" Psalm 27:5. We have been made a promise that though we get sucked into bad days, the Lord will hide us from it. He will take the pain of the day away and give us the peace that we need to wake up the next day and start over.

Just A Child.

Life as a teenager is more difficult than adults make it out to be. We are told that we need to grow up all the time. We are told to take responsibility of ourselves and be the people that God wants us to be. Then when we start taking control of our lives and being responsible adults tell us to knock it off, because we are just children. I find it frustrating. It seems that nothing I do is good enough to show that I am almost an adult and that I am responsible. I try to bring my thoughts to them and they tell me that I am a child and they try to “put me in my place”. It leaves me with anger, and bitterness toward adults because they don’t even realize that they contradict what they sat to us. I will be an adult someday very soon, but I never seem to earn the respect of one. I have been through just as much as some of them and I have been forced to mature faster, but I am still treated like an annoying kid. I plea with God to show them that I know what I am doing. That I just need guidance from them, not my life plan. They make me feel that I am less important to the world just because I am a young adult. Do they not remember being my age?

“Command and teach these things, Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.” 1 Timothy 4:11-12. Children are important in Gods eyes. We are all equals to Him. I wish that it could be that way on this earth, but it can’t so I lift my heart to God in the hopes that he can lift my burdens and my hurt away so that I can continue to grow spiritually. However, I know that teenagers must always show respect to adults because the Lord also commands that. It is a two way process, that will never be solved if we don't ask the Lord to come in and give everyone in the situation peace.

Stepping on everyone else to make sure that you feel like the higher authority, is not what God has called us to do. We cannot sit here and falter the walks of other believers. The best thing to do in any situation like this is to like always get on your knees and pray.

Am I Always Supposed to Be Happy?

I have this fallacy in my head, that I must always be happy because I have Jesus, and others haven’t found Him yet. I feel that as a Christian it is my job to show everyone how great life is with God. The thing is, I am miserable lately. My friends are happy and a lot of them are nice, but I’m being warn down by all of the people that don’t like me and persecute me. I am in pain all the time and I am tired. Everyone is tired, I know that, but this is different for me. I feel that something is wrong. I have tried to at least seem happy but it’s not working anymore people are starting to see through me and they criticize me for it. My faith is taking a beating and I’m falling hard and fast. I know that the Lord is always there but I feel really lonely sometimes.

The Lord has not asked us to be happy all the time. In 2 Corinthians 1: 8b-9 it says, “We are under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure so that we despaired even of life. Indeed in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened, that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.” This verse is so powerful, and it shows us that it is not the Lord’s plan to have us miserable all the time, but He also is here to save us from our sorrow. He is not telling us that we must be happy all the time. I feel better knowing that I am not sinning because I am sad. I know that because I give it all to the Lord he will take care of me and bring me back to happiness.

Procrastinating.

I have this homework that I have been staring at for hours. I don't really want to do it. I feel like bringing it to my teacher and showing her the thousand other things that I have been doing all day. I just wanted to go home and relax, but I knew that I had to work. For a while I just sat here staring at my closed book. Then I opened it, then I went on Cliff Notes and SparkNotes, trying to make some sense out of what I needed to have read for tomorrows class. I am so exhausted. I went to church tonight and we played basketball. Before that I went shopping for the concession stand, and before that I was at school, all day then I stayed after to get more yearbook work done. I feel like I am overwhelmed with things to do, and I just want to sit down and do a Bible study. I feel that I am pulling away from God because I'm so tired and busy all the time. I am procrastinating everything, even my blog, and my Bible study. I am trying to make time to sleep, when I should be making time fore God.

Right now I am left with the feeling that I am being fake. I am not giving everything my 100% because I can't muster enough strength to do it on my own. I am involved in too many things. I am running all over and it is making me sicker, and tired. I need to take a break, but I don't have time too. I also feel that I am not giving God my 100%. I am not focusing my life on him like I need to. I am shutting down slowly because I cannot keep up with everything that I need to get done.

I read a verse that came from the message Bible, that explained how I know that God is ready to help me when I feel overwhelmed with life. "May God, who puts all things together, who makes all things whole... Who led Jesus, our Great Shepard, up and alive from the dead, Now put you together, provide you with everything you need to please Him. By means of the sacrifice of Jesus, the Messiah. All glory to Jesus forever and always" Hebrews 13:20-21. I am not usually a fan of the message bible, but this seemed to fit perfectly to how I was feeling about everything that is going on. Maybe it will do the same for you. The Lord works in mysterious and wonderful ways. I have said it before and I will continue to say it because the Lord continues to amaze me!

Strength Will Rise.

All throughout the Bible it is said that when we call upon the Lord He will give us strength. We are full of the Lord's strength. Even when we feel like we are about to fall flat on our faces, we never really fall. We always seem to find just enough strength to keep moving forward. It is the strength of the Lord that has saved us so many times. Even today, I thought that I was ready to have a mental break down from the moment I got up. I went to my room and got on my knees and prayed. I never did have a melt down, because I didn't fall on my face like I thought I was going to. The Lord is always there to support us. He sees when we are weak and He gives us the strength to get up and keep moving.

We need to put our trust in the Lord that He has the power to give us that which we need. Is is said of Christians, that, "Those who know your name will trust you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you" Psalm 9:10. It takes just a small amount of effort on our part. We need to call upon the Lord and ask for His help, and He takes care of the rest. We are blessed every single day, to be able to call out and be answered by the Lord. The verse right before that one describes the strength that you will receive. "The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble." Psalm 9:9. During our times of trouble He does not leave us on our own. We always have Him to lean on. Today I was again strengthened by the love of the Lord. I could stand up and push forward. Giving up is not even an option when you have God because He continues to give you everything that you need.

Bring everything to the Lord. He will give you strength out of your weakness. You should never feel alone, because He is always there to carry you.

Is God Ignoring Me?

Sometimes I feel like God is just ignoring me. I am calling out to Him and I think that I am getting no answers. The truth is that He is listening and giving me answers, but they may not be the ones that I wanted, so I am ignoring them. I go into things without asking for His help, and although He is there ready to help me, He is waiting for me to ask. I feel so alone during these "battles" but really I don't need to. Sometimes I just want to cry, but the tears won't come out because God is stopping them. He knows what we want, but He also knows what we need. I need to learn to give my hurt and my battles over to Him so that He can fight them, and I don't have to become so weak.

Then there are the times that I call upon the Lord yet again because I am having yet another problem. I then feel like I am asking way too much from God. I end up feeling like all I ever do is ask the Lord to fight my many battles for me. It leaves me feeling guilty, like I am asking way too much of God. Nothing is too much for the Lord. We can always ask, and He will always answer. It is important that we remember, that when we are hurting, the Lord hurts too. He sees every tear that falls, and every battle that we are trying to fight. I pray all the time, but I need to make sure that my heart is in the right place when I am asking for help. The Lord promises that He is there listening to us, but we need to be ready to get an answer that maybe we won't like.

"For I am about to fall, and my pain is ever with me. I confess my iniquity, I am troubled by my sin. Many are those who are my vigorous enemies, those who hate me without reason are numerous. Those who repay my good with evil slander me when I pursue what is good." Psalm 38: 17-20. We just need to confess it all to the Lord and tell Him what is going on in our lives that brings us so much pain. Once we have done that, He is there to help us get through it and be happy once again.