The "L" Word.

I read the Bible every single day, but I still doubt the word "Love". Everyone says that they understand what I go through but really they don't they might know something similar but they do not feel the same thing that I feel, just like I can't feel what they feel. I do not believe that you can be loved truly by anyone that isn't your family. This is something that I am working on. People tell me that they love me all the time, but when I say something out of anger, or out of hurt, they leave. Sometimes the people that "love me" leave me with no reason at all.

I know that God puts people in our lives and takes them away, but I have trouble accepting that. I want one person to prove me wrong, but time and time again I am disappointed. People hurt me, people my age and even adults. I know that I am not a nice person all the time, and I am hard to deal with, but so is everyone that I put up with. I do not expect perfection even when it seems that way. I just want the Lord to put someone in my life that will love me and not leave when the times get rough. Friendships and relationships take work. This has to do with forgiveness too. I don't forgive people when they hurt me because I get it set in my mind that everyone who I love is just going to end up hurting me, so why should I try. All of this inner fighting is taking away from my love for the Lord. I am too busy worrying about which person is hurting me to remember that the Lord is always there.

Today I was given a reminder of all of this. Someone who said that they loved me hurt me. I took at look at the whole situation and I wanted to laugh and tell them that I was right about love all along. But I couldn't I decided to go to the Word and try to make some sense of the way that I feel. The word Love is in the Bible countless times, because the Lord tells us that we are loved so many times. However, He also says that we must love.

"If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing." 1 Corinthians 13:3. Without love we cannot fulfill the commands of the Lord. He wants us to love everyone. That does not mean that we ignore those we love that hurt us, or stop people from loving us. We have to live in love and we have to accept it. I will continue to work out the meaning of Love, but for now I know that I am loved by the Lord, just like every single one of you!