It Can't Be About Me.

I guess, for a while now I really have not practiced what I preach. I know the right words to say when others come to me for help, and I know that what I am telling them is directly from the Lord, but the truth is while I was telling them, I wasn't listening. After an eventful day yesterday, I spent hours in prayer. I couldn't sleep because my heart was heavy. Yesterday someone said something to me, that was everyhting I had been telling them. I felt hurt, and like everything I tried to make better, was thrown in my face. I asked the Lord last night to give me answers on where to go from here. I think that I finally figured out where this downward spiral took off. It was the day that I stopped making everything about the Lord, and started making it about myself.

My long drawn out pitty party needs to end. I am hurting the people around me, and that is why I am losing them. It has nothing to do with God hating me or trying to leave me all alone. It has to do with me not centering my life around God. The "why me" questions are wrong. I know that I am not the only one who is facing this problem right now. I go to public school, and I am involved in the media. I see the self centered world that we live in. I promised that I would never get caught up in it, but when it's offering you immediate satisfaction and you don't think that the Lord is listening, it's just "easier" to follow the world. My "me" centered attitude needs to change.

Part of centering life on the Lord, is giving everything in your life to Him. I tell everyone to do that all the time. It sounds like an easy thing, but I struggle with it. I give almost everything to Him. I hang onto small pieces of my life because I want control. I am scared to lose all control and leave it to the Lord. I know that He will do good in my life, and that my need for control is driving people away from me, but that fear doesn't just leave. I am playing the "what if" game. The only "what if" I need to focus on today is, "What If.... I gave every part of my life to the Lord?". He gave us an answer to that "what if".

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:5-6. It does not say trust in the Lord with SOME of your heart, it says ALL. It does not say go ahead and lean on YOUR understanding, it says to lean on the Lord. He has the answers for everything. It also does not say that He is going to throw you into the world alone after you give Him control. It says that He WILL make our paths straight. We have been promised these things by our father and our creator.

I believe that what was said to me yesterday, was not my friend trying to hurt me, but the Lord speaking through someone I care about so that I would finally listen to Him telling me to let go. It won't happen over night, but the Lord has given me yet another chance, and I need to take it. I need to give up control of everything and hand it to the Lord, He is ready to take it from me and heal me but I need to give it all up to Him. Can you do it?