Is Pain a Weakness?

Pain is something that I have had to deal with for almost my entire life. I hate talking about it because I always feel like I am complaining. I also always remind myself that I am one of the lucky ones who is still living life and walking around. There are people that have way bigger problems than me. Unless those around me suffer with pain the way that I do, it is hard for them to understand what it is like to be this way. For most of this semester my pain has been under control, to the point where I was able to act like a normal healthy individual. The pain was only visible to those that live with me. I had so many problems last year when everyone knew about my pain and my disease, so this year I chose to hide it from everyone.

I wasn't involved in any health or fitness courses this year so there are some professors that don't even know that I am handicapped. When people find out that I am handicapped, some call me a liar and the others see me as weak and helpless. All of that has shaped the way that I live my life here on this campus. Sometimes it is hard to pretend like nothing is wrong with me but God has gotten me through so much and He is the reason that I am here today. A lot of healing had to occur before I could even walk without a limp this year. All of the doctors told me that there was nothing else that they could do for me, but God never said that. This time medicine tried its hardest but God is the above all healer. After everything that has happened to me pain wise, over the past two years, I finally thought I was done and healed.

There was one point this year that I did wish I spoke up about my pain. Something one of my professor's said a few weeks ago has not left my mind. I have shared this with some people but I don't remember how many! We were learning about mental disorders in one of my classes and the professor brought up Fibromyalgia and misinformed my entire class about it. She called it a simple disorder with no proven cause and that it consists of little amounts of pain for small amounts of time. I was outraged but too afraid that if I spoke up about it, people would form negative opinions about me and about others with disabilities. All I kept thinking was that I have so many friends that suffer with this same thing every single day. We battle this disease and really, there are no treatments for it because there are so many symptoms to treat in the first place.

For the past few days my pain level has increased to the point of making me ill. This is such an important time in my life right now because I am supposed to be studying for finals, and I have little sisters who want to play with me, and I have so many commitments and now I have this uncontrollable pain. I did not want to share this with everyone because it makes me feel weak and it stresses me out because I can't stop limping and people are starting to notice. I have gotten so caught up with making sure that no one knew my weakness but now I am not sure that, that was the right thing to do. God gave me strength through my weakness and I have not shared that with others I have hidden it away because I was afraid that I would be labeled by others.

While studying the Word today I came across a verse today that has filled my thoughts.
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."  2 Corinthians 12:9

So here I sit today admitting to you that I am at a very weak point in my life right now. My pain is causing so many problems and it is making me very sick. I have been in prayer pleading for this pain to leave me alone. I have prayed for this pain to just calm down but it hasn't yet. It is effecting my studying and making it hard to focus one what I need to get done. I am weak, but God is strong. Pray for me and pray for others who are feeling weak right now. The next time you feel weak, I challenge you to share that weakness in others and let them watch as God turns your weakness into strength. It takes time and it seems impossible but strength will come. That is all that I can cling to right now as I fight this pain.