Think Again

For a few days now I have been judged and ridiculed for posting my feelings on certain subjects. Those people doing the ridiculing probably have no idea that everything they say affects me in some way. Rather than continuing to be upset and to blame others for my mood I have decided to share with you the gift that God gave me a few days ago that made me want to do nothing else with my life for just a little bit longer. I have been praying for a break from the busyness of school and traveling and work. I just wanted to stop it all and remember what it is that I am doing here in the first place.  

After the snow storm as I said previously, my dad and I were outside on Friday night and all day Saturday. Those are the best days because my entire body goes numb and for once I can feel like a normal person who isn't in too much pain to work. It sounds really silly to most of you, and even a little dangerous. When you are like me and you spend every single minute of every day in pain, the chance to feel normal is rare and special. I don't want people to pity me while reading this because I am tough and I don't want your pity I am a strong person.

I have been selfish for a few days now. I have been praying for school to be cancelled again and I have been praying for more snow. I know that we haven't face the total cleanup yet and that people are still without power but for just a minute I want to be selfish. As you know and as I will continue to say, snow just does something for me and my mood. When I am in the snow, no one can touch me. No one can hurt me. No one can ruin that moment for me. It is like the world goes away for a minute and all stress can be ignored.

During the snow storm I love to shovel because that is my God time. I feel so close to God when I shovel because I can't hear anyone else and I am too busy looking at the white snow to see anyone else. We all have one place where God feels most near to us. Mine is during the winter snow season. So now I hope you get it. Please just understand that snow is how I see happiness right now. I am not being a negative person when I wish I was anywhere but here. I just know what waits for me outside and I would rather be there and be close to God than to be here and listen to everyone complain about how much they hate the one thing that I love.