Today was supposed to be my day off. I usually try and get some extra sleep on Wednesday because it is in the middle of the week and it is between my two busiest days. However, this morning I just could not sleep. I wanted to sleep but this was a day where my pain controlled me. I really hate these days. I get nothing done even though I have a lot to do. I got through my homework like I always do but sometimes that doesn't feel like enough. I spent all of yesterday in classes writing and learning and taking it all in. Today I had to process everything and get my schedule in order for this last month of school.
I have tried so hard to keep quiet about my pain and the fact that I am handicapped. However, now I have the opportunity to give my first hand experience to a class full of students and I don't know if I am emotionally strong enough to make myself so vulnerable to them. My public health professor wants me to use the entire fifteen minutes for my presentation because I know so much about my topic (which is arthritis in children). As I was talking with my mom she kept saying that it would be so easy just to show them what my life is like and show them first hand experience about the life of a child with this disease. I can't stop thinking about this and it is eating away at me.
Sharing this part of me is not something I wish to do on this campus ever again. I don't want to be the poor girl with the disease, nor do I want to be the girl who is "faking it". I have the chance to share with a classroom full of people how much Arthritis actually affects children. I want to be the voice for all the kids who can't voice this themselves. Until I met my friends at the Arthritis Foundation I felt like I was fighting this battle on my own and losing. I had my mom fighting for me all of my life but when it came time for me to fight I was scared.
It is only through faith that have come this far and faith can take me further if I let God be involved with this task. Not only do I have the chance to share about how much this disease hurts thousands of little children, but I have the chance to share with the class how much God has to do with my battle against this disease and others like me. The truth is that medicine can only take you so far. I suffered for so long with very painful medication and each week when I knew it was coming I would pray for a reason to skip the appointment but I went and I survived and I have come so far.
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
Right now I am letting fear of judgment cloud me in this decision and I am letting it get in the way of something wonderful that I have the opportunity to do. It is not something that I can just get over but God can give me the strength and the courage that I need to do this. I can do this because I have our Mighty God leading the way. However, prayer is appreciated always!
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Monday, April 1, 2013
Our God Reigns
I read the Bible a lot. Most of you do as well. Sometimes for me, there are places where it just feels like there are words on a page and they don't make sense in my life or in my head. We were all given the opportunity to watch The Bible series in which we were taken through all of the Bible. I know that some things were false, and some people didn't like it but if you gave it a chance you could get something really special out of it.
I was tentative about watching it at first because I had watched the Passion of the Christ before and it made me miserable for days. I couldn't shake the feeling that I deserved to die because of what man kind did to Jesus. There was so much violence and blood and horror and it made me feel guilty. I am not sure if you have seen the movie but I would not recommend showing it to anyone that is young. It really scared me. I wasn't sure what to expect when I started watching this new series but I was so impressed. This series made the Bible come to life for me. It made sense of everything that I was unsure of and it made me ask questions and look things up in scripture.
The other amazing thing about this series was that for this past month it was one of the most highly watched shows in such a long time. News stations, comedians and talk show hosts were stuck on this series. There were so many advertisements for this series. Regardless of how you felt about the way that they told the story of the Bible, this series was watch my millions of non-believers. This show provided a chance for all of us to be a witness to all those who are lost. It left people with questions and when they come looking for answers are you going to be ready to answer those questions?
We watched the story about God's people preaching the wonders of Jesus Christ. We also watched them get beaten down and persecuted and even killed but that did not stop them from proclaiming the name and the life of Jesus Christ. That did not stop them from sharing the news that God sent His son to save us and that we have been saved. So now as we sit, safe in our homes we too have the opportunity to share with everyone that we have all been saved. There are still people who are persecuted for proclaiming the name of Jesus Christ but over here we have millions of chances and resources to get the Word out.
If this series has done nothing else but set you on fire for Christ then that's worth it. Watching, and taking in each and every disciple and compile the work that Jesus did during His time on this earth, has set me on fire. I want to share the message but I cannot do it alone. Let's take a step forward together and spread the great news that Jesus Christ died to save us and to forgive our sins. We cannot keep quiet we need to shout it out because our God reigns.
I was tentative about watching it at first because I had watched the Passion of the Christ before and it made me miserable for days. I couldn't shake the feeling that I deserved to die because of what man kind did to Jesus. There was so much violence and blood and horror and it made me feel guilty. I am not sure if you have seen the movie but I would not recommend showing it to anyone that is young. It really scared me. I wasn't sure what to expect when I started watching this new series but I was so impressed. This series made the Bible come to life for me. It made sense of everything that I was unsure of and it made me ask questions and look things up in scripture.
The other amazing thing about this series was that for this past month it was one of the most highly watched shows in such a long time. News stations, comedians and talk show hosts were stuck on this series. There were so many advertisements for this series. Regardless of how you felt about the way that they told the story of the Bible, this series was watch my millions of non-believers. This show provided a chance for all of us to be a witness to all those who are lost. It left people with questions and when they come looking for answers are you going to be ready to answer those questions?
We watched the story about God's people preaching the wonders of Jesus Christ. We also watched them get beaten down and persecuted and even killed but that did not stop them from proclaiming the name and the life of Jesus Christ. That did not stop them from sharing the news that God sent His son to save us and that we have been saved. So now as we sit, safe in our homes we too have the opportunity to share with everyone that we have all been saved. There are still people who are persecuted for proclaiming the name of Jesus Christ but over here we have millions of chances and resources to get the Word out.
If this series has done nothing else but set you on fire for Christ then that's worth it. Watching, and taking in each and every disciple and compile the work that Jesus did during His time on this earth, has set me on fire. I want to share the message but I cannot do it alone. Let's take a step forward together and spread the great news that Jesus Christ died to save us and to forgive our sins. We cannot keep quiet we need to shout it out because our God reigns.
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