For These Things, I Have Prayed

It's been a minute since I last posted. Life became overwhelming. Since my last blog post, I became engaged, got married, moved out of my parents house and began a new life. Just a few small things. Times have been trying and times have been so so good. I recently read a quote that sparked my desire to write again. The quote said, "I still remember the days I prayed for the things I have now". I don't know who said it, but it stopped me dead in my tracks. I have been swallowed whole by the business of my life for so long that I failed to stop and see what was in front of me.

For years I sat in tears watching my friends so happy with their relationships, getting engaged, getting married, starting families. I begged God to bring me someone who would love me in that way. His answer was not one that I liked. I felt like I waited a lifetime to feel what I feel now. However, things are done in His time, not mine. Through all of these years of learning how to pray and how to spend quality time with the Lord, I still have yet to learn patience. I pray and expect MY answer to come right away, and when the answer doesn't, I become discouraged.

For those of you reading this, still waiting for your desire to be filled, be patient. I say that to you, as much as to myself. I hate cliche sayings and people telling me that good comes to those who wait. Valentine's Day was yesterday and I sat there with my very own forever Valentine, thinking of the times when I was so lonely. When I thought that I needed a man to fill that void. It took letting God fill that void for Him to finally bring my husband and I together. Our story is a little wild, but I'll save that for a rainy day.

I'm here to tell you that even being married you do not lose those memories and those feelings that came during your period of waiting. I can still feel those feelings, and I can still remember that broken girl. In some ways, I am still that broken girl, but by waiting for God and His plan, I have a broken man who works with me and grows with me in the love that Christ has put between us. I prayed for years that God would bring a man into my life that would love me the way that He intended me to be loved. I prayed for a man that could somehow love all of me, the good, the bad and the broken. I wanted a quick fix, and when that didn't come I was devastated.

Here I am today, in a home full of love with a man that I do not deserve. There are still so many struggles. We are just starting out, and I'm going to be honest here and tell you that being in love doesn't mean that you won't struggle and have SO MANY challenges (I was kind of naive with certain parts of life). Sometimes, it's been easy to get lost in the challenges that life is throwing at us right now, and forget that I am literally living the life that I prayed for. Each moment is a gift, no matter what comes at us, this is what my heart desired for so long and I have had to stop myself and remember that this is an answered prayer. This is God's timing and it's so much better than my own and I don't say that lightly (there were many points when I would cry out and let Him know that I believed His timing was stupid).

While you are in a season of waiting, do NOT give up hope. Whether your heart has just been broken for the tenth time, or the pregnancy tests continue to say negative, or you have lost yet another baby, or your child is telling you that they hate you or people are dying, hang on. Turn to the one who can mend your brokenness and who can carry you through this time. There is a verse that someone shared with me while I was going through my season of waiting and heartache. It's a common verse that is given often as a verse of hope.

Jeremiah 29:11 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'". That verse spoke volumes to me, but it was actually the following two verses that led me through that season, and continue to lift me up.

Jeremiah 29:12-13 says, "Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart". That hit my heart hard. When you feel like He's not listening, He has promised that He is. He has promised that He is there. That was more comforting than knowing He held my future. You may disagree, but for someone who had felt lonely and fed up, those verses gave me the strength to keep praying.

You can take all of these words as the words of a newlywed, or you can take them as the words of someone who is FINALLY living out an answered prayer. I was there, in some ways I still am there. Pleading for the desires that my heart still has. He has proven to me over and over that He hears me. Even in my times of doubt, He HEARS me when I cry out to Him, and He hears you too.