I am so far behind in my blogging, and my school work. I feel like everything that I am doing is never done. I feel like I am letting people down everywhere I turn. I cannot seem to keep up with the blogging every single day, and I cannot finish all of the school work that I want to finish in one day. I missed going to church toady because I feel under the weather. I went to sleep pretty early last night because I was too sick to get my school stuff done. I think that I am letting the Lord down because I have missed some of my devotions and I am overwhelmed by college decisions and planning.
Today is the national day of decision. I have to set in stone which college I am going to next year. I have now declined all of my top choices, and am going to my "fall back" school. It is hard for me to wrap my head around this school. Things have changed so much in the past couple months. I never would have seen myself going to this school just a few months ago. I do not know where I put the Lord in all of this. I had plans to go to a nice Christian college and surround myself with people who have a love for the Lord. Instead I will now be attending a state school. I am trying so hard to appreciate the fact that I am able to go to a nice school like Eastern, but it is a huge change for me.
The Lord will be with me no matter what school I go to. There are many Christians at the school I have chosen. There may not be a thousand Christians attending but there are enough for me to find and fellowship with. There is a Christian group at this University, and I plan to attend that as many times as I can. I believe that the Lord is going to use me somehow at this school. There is a reason I didn't end up at a private Christian college. The Lord has many more plans for me, and I do look forward to seeing just what those plans are.
I will say though, that blogging is still going to be hard to do every single day. For a while I think that I will have to do as many as I can. I have decided not to make up any that I missed in April because I don't have the time. It is not my time though, and I will be giving that time back to the Lord. My time though, might be just between me and the Lord for a short while. I need to make sure that my heart is in the right place for me to be sharing what is happening in my life.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
It's Never Too Late To Start Over.
I don't know if this lesson was for me to hear, or for someone else who reads my posts. I just know that I have come across this topic a lot recently. I have made some small mistakes and some large ones. We ask for forgiveness and the Lord gives it to us. However, like I said before, we do not always forgive ourselves. We fail, and we label ourselves as failures. We mess up, and we feel like the loser. Though, we are influenced by those around us, and what they name us to be. Sometimes, even as brothers and sisters in Christ, we are quick to condemn and label. It is not our place to judge others but we do.
It is easy to accept what everyone else tells you, you are. There are people I know, that got their title and instead of changing the way that they were, they fell right into the stereotype. We have the chance to start over and change that title that was glued to us. We do not have to fit the mold that everyone tries to squeeze us into. The Lord is here, always, and He will take your hand and lead to in the right direction. When you take the wrong path, the Lord never said that you couldn't turn around and come back, you were to proud, or to embarrassed to turn your life back to Him.
Many elderly people go into the hospital and while they are on their death bed, they will turn back to the Lord. They start over at the end of their lives. It is never to late to change. It is never too late to start over. It could take you all your life to start over, but what matters is that you do start over. You can't change what you have already done, or what you have already been labeled as, but you can change your behavior, and you efforts in mending and getting another chance. So instead of thinking why me, think about starting again.
It is easy to accept what everyone else tells you, you are. There are people I know, that got their title and instead of changing the way that they were, they fell right into the stereotype. We have the chance to start over and change that title that was glued to us. We do not have to fit the mold that everyone tries to squeeze us into. The Lord is here, always, and He will take your hand and lead to in the right direction. When you take the wrong path, the Lord never said that you couldn't turn around and come back, you were to proud, or to embarrassed to turn your life back to Him.
Many elderly people go into the hospital and while they are on their death bed, they will turn back to the Lord. They start over at the end of their lives. It is never to late to change. It is never too late to start over. It could take you all your life to start over, but what matters is that you do start over. You can't change what you have already done, or what you have already been labeled as, but you can change your behavior, and you efforts in mending and getting another chance. So instead of thinking why me, think about starting again.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Take Responsibility.
Today's society is about placing the blame on anyone other than yourself. Kids blame their siblings into adulthood. It's no longer a behavior that only affects those who are young, but affects the mass majority. No one wants to admit there mistakes, but when they are cornered, instead of coming clean, they blame someone else. I blame others too, because its hard to not follow the norm. Its easier to let someone else take the heat of your mistake. The thing is, as Christians we are supposed to take responsibility for the sins we have committed, and then we are to bring them to the Lord and ask for forgiveness.
There are countless verses in the Bible about wise men taking responsibility and the fools that don't. No where in there does it say that it is easy to take responsibility for your failures. It is something that I know I can't do on my own, because, well one, I don't want to, and two, it's very difficult. I have blamed so many times before, and I'm sure that due to my sinful nature I will do it again. I am so far from perfect. I don't understand how the Lord can just forgive me when I have tried to run from a mistake or failure. He forgives, and we will never deserve it.
When my mom was teaching my Sunday School class, I didn't always listen. I still forget some things I learned in those classes, and she catches me on it, but I'm human. There was, however, one lesson that everyone in the class has never forgotten. It was titled, blaming. We were given a worksheet, and it had landmines all over the page. These were the landmines that would throw off our path with the Lord. The largest landmine on the page read, "blame". After that class, every time my sister and I tried to blame the other, we would recite the words, "blaming is a landmine". I don't always follow it, but I do remember it. I know that not taking responsibility for my mistakes and failures, becomes yet another block in our path to the Lord.
There are countless verses in the Bible about wise men taking responsibility and the fools that don't. No where in there does it say that it is easy to take responsibility for your failures. It is something that I know I can't do on my own, because, well one, I don't want to, and two, it's very difficult. I have blamed so many times before, and I'm sure that due to my sinful nature I will do it again. I am so far from perfect. I don't understand how the Lord can just forgive me when I have tried to run from a mistake or failure. He forgives, and we will never deserve it.
When my mom was teaching my Sunday School class, I didn't always listen. I still forget some things I learned in those classes, and she catches me on it, but I'm human. There was, however, one lesson that everyone in the class has never forgotten. It was titled, blaming. We were given a worksheet, and it had landmines all over the page. These were the landmines that would throw off our path with the Lord. The largest landmine on the page read, "blame". After that class, every time my sister and I tried to blame the other, we would recite the words, "blaming is a landmine". I don't always follow it, but I do remember it. I know that not taking responsibility for my mistakes and failures, becomes yet another block in our path to the Lord.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Every Little Change.
We have been having trouble at home with my younger sister. She has been rude, and extremely difficult. She was causing many problems at home. We would have one day of her being ridiculous and mean, then we would talk to her and the next day she would be great. It has been very frustrating to live here with her. I thought maybe that if I gave her a devotion something would help, but nothing was working. I went to her privately and asked her where God was in her life. I felt her pulling away from this amazing faith. I know that it is not my job to keep her faithful, but I was watching her slip away.
God was listening to our prayers. It may seem small, but we have had two days now of utter happiness. She has listened, and done her chores, and she has been nice. The disrespect has been gone, and we are able to share a smile with her. Mom and I went out and while we were shopping we talked about her behavior change. I picked out this little wooden decoration in the shape of her first initial. I want her to know that I see this behavior too. I know that I am not the parent but even as the older sister, I wanted nothing to do with her anger and meanness. Today I was actually able to sit down and hang out with her, and not get angry. I want her to know that I see her effort and its appreciated.
Maybe its something that I said, or something my parents said to her. Maybe though (most likely) it's God. He has gotten through to her and He has used us to help her. I know that this is not my doing alone, or my parents. There is power in prayer. I wanted something to change, and I knew that I should change myself before I try to change someone else, but by the grace of God we are headed in the right direction. I applaud her for making this step forward, and I pray that God can grant me the wisdom to help her on her journey.
God was listening to our prayers. It may seem small, but we have had two days now of utter happiness. She has listened, and done her chores, and she has been nice. The disrespect has been gone, and we are able to share a smile with her. Mom and I went out and while we were shopping we talked about her behavior change. I picked out this little wooden decoration in the shape of her first initial. I want her to know that I see this behavior too. I know that I am not the parent but even as the older sister, I wanted nothing to do with her anger and meanness. Today I was actually able to sit down and hang out with her, and not get angry. I want her to know that I see her effort and its appreciated.
Maybe its something that I said, or something my parents said to her. Maybe though (most likely) it's God. He has gotten through to her and He has used us to help her. I know that this is not my doing alone, or my parents. There is power in prayer. I wanted something to change, and I knew that I should change myself before I try to change someone else, but by the grace of God we are headed in the right direction. I applaud her for making this step forward, and I pray that God can grant me the wisdom to help her on her journey.
Monday, April 18, 2011
A Little Prayer Anyone?
This week is the week leading up to Easter. It is a wonderful week filled with many Christian events. My church is holding prayer times every single day. They are also showing Passion of the Christ. I personally can't ever watch that movie again. It was very emotional and I can't even comprehend what the Lord has done for us. They tried to in that movie but no one can capture that. I find it amazing when people sit and pray for hours on end. All I can think about is that when Pastor prays for a long time, I get bored and loose focus. I know that prayer is so important, but I just don't know if I could do it for hours.
I sometimes feel guilty for loosing focus during the long prayers, but I know those types of prayers don't work for me, so I am not wrong when I don't feel guilty. I am closest to God during my popcorn prayers. I pray at least 30 different times a day. That seems excessive, but when you popcorn pray it can be less than a minute. This way, I pray when I remember something that needs prayer, or when I need guidance from the Lord, and I feel like it hasn't come. I have accepted that some people do not approve of only short prayers, but I say that its your relationship with God, and each of us builds that up differently.
God is kind of like the best friend who always stays by your side, and has sleepovers every night in the summer, but better! So if you have guilt for falling asleep or forgetting that you are in prayer, when someone else is praying, it doesn't make you bad. It makes you human. I still fight to focus when someone else is praying. It's hard to listen and not think about something you have to do, or something you want to say. God is still listening to you. I pray better by myself.
So this week, figure out where you are in your prayer life. Stop hanging onto guilt and think about your favorite way to pray. Then multiply that every single day. The more comfortable we get in our prayer life, the stronger it will get, and we can create a closer relationship with the Lord.
I sometimes feel guilty for loosing focus during the long prayers, but I know those types of prayers don't work for me, so I am not wrong when I don't feel guilty. I am closest to God during my popcorn prayers. I pray at least 30 different times a day. That seems excessive, but when you popcorn pray it can be less than a minute. This way, I pray when I remember something that needs prayer, or when I need guidance from the Lord, and I feel like it hasn't come. I have accepted that some people do not approve of only short prayers, but I say that its your relationship with God, and each of us builds that up differently.
God is kind of like the best friend who always stays by your side, and has sleepovers every night in the summer, but better! So if you have guilt for falling asleep or forgetting that you are in prayer, when someone else is praying, it doesn't make you bad. It makes you human. I still fight to focus when someone else is praying. It's hard to listen and not think about something you have to do, or something you want to say. God is still listening to you. I pray better by myself.
So this week, figure out where you are in your prayer life. Stop hanging onto guilt and think about your favorite way to pray. Then multiply that every single day. The more comfortable we get in our prayer life, the stronger it will get, and we can create a closer relationship with the Lord.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Make a Wish. Make a Prayer.
Right now I looked over at the clock to find out that it was 11:11. That time is the time when we are supposed to make a wish. There are so many superstitions about making wishes. I always say "make a wish" but I don't ever make a wish. I go to God and pray about my "wish". I didn't do it on purpose the first time, but who else would I talk to about what I want in my life. I do not always get what I want, because the Lord knows what is right for my life. It was recently that I realized, I don't wish, I pray. I don't believe really that wishing on a star or a time of day will bring anything but let down. You need to put your focus elsewhere. The Lord will listen. So now 11:11 has become a reminder to me during the day, who I have listening to me.
There are so many verses on prayer, but a slim amount on wishing. We do not need to wish, because it is greedy. We have been give the biggest gift of all, eternal life. I'm not going to lie, I still pray for things that I just want, but when it comes down to it, that's not our right. Psalm 5:3 gave me some insight on this. "In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly". This does not mean that we will get what we request right away, or ever. It is a reassurance that God is listening to our prayer.
I am not an expert by any means, at deciphering just what the Bible say. However, I share my opinion because sometimes, I am actually right. These are not my words, they are His. I study them and piece them together in my life. So call it a wish, or call it a prayer, as long as we know where that request is headed, a title doesn't matter. Next time you look at the clock, and it says 11:11 look up and spend that minute in prayer with the Lord. It can serve as a reminder for you, and me.
There are so many verses on prayer, but a slim amount on wishing. We do not need to wish, because it is greedy. We have been give the biggest gift of all, eternal life. I'm not going to lie, I still pray for things that I just want, but when it comes down to it, that's not our right. Psalm 5:3 gave me some insight on this. "In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly". This does not mean that we will get what we request right away, or ever. It is a reassurance that God is listening to our prayer.
I am not an expert by any means, at deciphering just what the Bible say. However, I share my opinion because sometimes, I am actually right. These are not my words, they are His. I study them and piece them together in my life. So call it a wish, or call it a prayer, as long as we know where that request is headed, a title doesn't matter. Next time you look at the clock, and it says 11:11 look up and spend that minute in prayer with the Lord. It can serve as a reminder for you, and me.
Friday, April 15, 2011
How is This Fair?
I have begun to do my online school. It seemed kind of fun when I did the first unit. I got it done within the hour and submitted it. From there, I was scored 100 %. I found amusement in the smiley face wearing sunglasses that sat next to my grade. Last night I decided to dive into unit two. This one was a little more difficult. There were a lot of steps and a ton of writing. While my parents both slept I stayed on my bed working for two and a half hours. I did not move from my spot because I feared that the computer would go to sleep and I would lose all of my work. I was in pain and I needed to go to the bathroom, but that was my motivation to keep going.
Well when I finally finished, there is a button at the bottom that says "finished, send to my teacher" so I clicked that button and a page popped up saying "security violation". All of my work was gone. I tried to click the back button and the undo button but nothing happened. I actually broke down and cried. I spent two and a half hours ignoring my pain and the fact that I needed to take medication, because I wanted to get the work done. I have now completed that same work all over again. It was frustrating and upsetting to sit and write four pages of work all over again. I was angry with the program and with my school because we called this morning for help and they never responded.
Lately I have been thinking about the word fair. I want to say that its not fair for all of this stuff to keep happening to me, but again, its not about me. I need to remember why I am doing this online school. My guidance counselor and some other members of my 504 team, figured out a way for me to complete 12th grade from home. I am lucky that I don't have to hurt myself trying to go to school everyday. I am blessed to be healing and to not have an infection. Although the pain hasn't changed at all, I have a family who takes care of me. I am not saying that I don't get upset and ask the Lord why this is happening, but I can truly see that I am blessed.
Well when I finally finished, there is a button at the bottom that says "finished, send to my teacher" so I clicked that button and a page popped up saying "security violation". All of my work was gone. I tried to click the back button and the undo button but nothing happened. I actually broke down and cried. I spent two and a half hours ignoring my pain and the fact that I needed to take medication, because I wanted to get the work done. I have now completed that same work all over again. It was frustrating and upsetting to sit and write four pages of work all over again. I was angry with the program and with my school because we called this morning for help and they never responded.
Lately I have been thinking about the word fair. I want to say that its not fair for all of this stuff to keep happening to me, but again, its not about me. I need to remember why I am doing this online school. My guidance counselor and some other members of my 504 team, figured out a way for me to complete 12th grade from home. I am lucky that I don't have to hurt myself trying to go to school everyday. I am blessed to be healing and to not have an infection. Although the pain hasn't changed at all, I have a family who takes care of me. I am not saying that I don't get upset and ask the Lord why this is happening, but I can truly see that I am blessed.
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