Have you ever had one of those days where you need everything to go right, but it all goes wrong? Well that's the day that I am having today. I have a major exam for a class with a 60% fail rate. For the first time in my life I have to try so hard to be happy with a C on my exams. All of that said, I am so very nervous for the test. I have been studying for a very long time because I knew how hard it would be. As it gets closer to the time that I have to go take it, things seem to just be pilling up high.
Some people know that I have been struggling with my blood pressure for some time now. I got it to go down for a while but that didn't last long. Most people would like to say that its caused by stress, but for me, its not. The stress comes when its high and I can't get it under control. Like today for instance. I am stressed already and now I have to be so carful not to make my blood pressure rise, which is stressful in itself.
Its been a whole long list of silly things happening to me. (Warning, I am about to complain) I ran out of time to type up all of the notes that I wanted to type, so I went to print what I had, and suddenly, without warning, the printer was out of ink. Then after that, my pants zipper broke on my favorite pants. So many other little things happened, but you get the point. I'm a mess today, and I'm at the end of my rope. I wish I had it in me to skip this exam and be done with school, but that's not the plan that God has for me (at this point in time).
When I get overwhelmed like this, I am always drawn to Christian music. Its my reminder that I am here for a purpose and that all these little things that keep happening are insignificant in the long run. I have to remember to turn my head to God and pull myself out of my own misery. Instead of crying over this exam and this stress, I can rest assured that no matter the outcome of this, God will still love me.
In our ladies Bible study at church yesterday we talked about God being "I Am". He says in the word that He is who He is and that He never changes. He stays the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. We were asked what that meant to us in our lives. Most of the ladies had the same response that I had. It brings me a sort of peace to know that He isn't changing and that He isn't going anywhere.
What does that mean to me? It means that no matter what happens on this test, no matter what it does to my GPA, no matter how high my blood pressure rises, no matter how many little annoying things happen, He is my rock. He will not change. This is a world full of change. There is no real stability that provides comfort. Its a sea of doubt and despair. I will be the first to tell you that there are many times that I get trapped and feel like there's no control over my life, but there is. God, My Father, is in control.
Friends change, family changes, people change, I change. It can get so very messy here, but God, the Great "I Am" is my solid ground. He will bring me through this and He will provide me the peace that I need. I don't deserve it, none of us do, but He grants it to us anyway. Praise be to Our God who was the same yesterday, the same today and will remain the same tomorrow and forever. I will find rest in Him who is unchanging.
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