Distracted By Life

Before I begin, let me first say that I'm behind on a lot of things right now. Blogging being one of them, but more importantly I'm behind on my Bible reading. This year as a family my sister, my mom and I took on the challenge of reading the Bible in a year. Prior to the start of this journey, I was on my journey of prayer, which I am still on. For months I had this lazar like focus. I knew that distractions would come but I had made up my mind. Nothing would distract me. I kept up with my reading all the way through the month of May.

I am type A, if you haven't noticed, so I was reading on track, every day, and if I fell behind I would stay up late until I finished reading (honestly it was mostly the Old testament because it was so much to get through). Not one month went by when I didn't complete the reading for that specific month. So here I am, at the end of June panicking because for the first time, I didn't get my reading done. In the back of my mind, I guess I knew  I wasn't doing my daily reading.

So finally today, I sat down to read, in my favorite spot by the big window. I was in the middle of reading Philippians when this fly showed up. He was bouncing off the window, buzzing around my head, flying all over and landing on my stuff. I put the Bible down and tried to chase that little thing all around, and then it hit me. How many "flies" have interrupted my time with God this month. How many times did I just get up to deal with something else instead of reading my Bible.

I really got to thinking about it. I have used every excuse I could this month. First it was that my Grandpa was sick, and I couldn't leave his side. Then He passed away and I needed some time to grieve. Then I got really sick, and lost my voice. I was so angry with God for letting me get sick (which was totally not His fault, I worked in a school). Then I had friends, and social media, and then I was too tired to read. Just how many times this month, did that fly buzz around my head and distract me from this journey that I was on.

I tell you all of that, not to get pity, but rather to show you that even when you don't expect it, distractions are everywhere. Whether its an actual fly, or whether its running your kids all over to all of their activities. Whether its work, or making dinner, or just simply being to tired. We all have those little flies that buzz around our heads. Satan loves it, he relishes in those little distractions.

I think that its time that I stop chasing the flies, and sit down and just be with God. Being with God in prayer and in the Word is how we grow. I've noticed that this month I have felt a little further away from God. I miss the closeness that I had when I was in prayer and in the Word every day. It is that desire that will motivate me to move forward and ignore the things around me. Its not going to be easy.

When we become followers of Christ we are given new life. Colossians 2: 6-7 says, "And now, just as you have accepted Christ Jesus and your Lord, you must continue to follow Him. Let your roots grow down into Him, and let your lives be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness". We are made new and we want the roots to grow in Him. I hope you have that same desire to know Him and love Him.

As I sit here typing this, I realize this is a distraction as well, but one that I felt led to chase. The fly is still buzzing around me, but for now, I have to learn to overcome the distraction and myself be filled with Christ. The world is going to throw a lot at us, but through Christ we will overcome this world and one day join Him in paradise where there will be no more distractions.

We Are God Made & Jesus Saved

I seem to have this reoccurring theme here, where I take a few months away from blogging and sharing my testimony. Each time there's always something different that keeps me away. As I stated in my last post, I have spent a lot more time in prayer, and learning about prayer. Things were going great for a while. I was happy and finding my joy in the Lord. Though I had not found permanent employment or found a direction for my life, I trusted that the Lord knew where I was going so I would just follow Him. In the back of my mind, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was waiting to see how Satan would attack me. I was certain that I could withstand anything.

Slowly but surely I began to lose my job. Bad things happened, new wounds were created, but I did my best to pretend that everything was alright. Often, when someone asked me how I was, I would say that I was fine, or that I would be fine. I figured that at some point I would be fine again. I just had to keep everyone out, or that's what I told myself anyway. I did a pretty good job for a while. But in the most recent months I began to pull away from my family, and my friends. It was easier that way. I could just be with God and everything would be okay. I myself have said that God answers prayer and that I believe in miracles.

I opened up to a friend recently and they could see me pulling away. It then took a family member asking me why I was dethatched, to get me to admit to something I had been fighting and trying to hide. The truth is, that although my relationship with Christ has gotten stronger, I am depressed. There is no sugar coating it anymore. I never wanted to admit to it, because it meant that I was weak. I felt, and had been told before that depression means that you aren't trusting God enough, or finding your joy in Him.

Soon after I admitted how I felt, I came across and article talking about what it means for a Christian to have mental health issues. In the article the author wrote that having a mental health issue, like depression has nothing to do with whether I believe in Jesus. I am here to tell you that I believe in Jesus Christ. He is my Lord and savior, but that doesn't change the fact that I a broken inside. It doesn't change the fact that I need help. He uses every situation in our lives. I cannot see what that is now, but there are so many other examples in my life where He has used tough situations to help me grow and assist others.

I have felt so alone. I thought that's what I wanted. I thought that if someone really wanted to love on me, they wouldn't accept my "I'm fine" response. Until recently everyone accepted my statement. Why wouldn't they? Satan has come in and tried to hurt me and pull me away, but I am telling you now that if you put your trust in the Lord, Satan is no match. He will try to hang onto you as long as he can. Let's face it, there are many of us who are battling Satan and its tiring to do by ourselves. I tried to hide my sin from God, but God knows.

There are some recent times in which I was faced with temptation and I went for it. I told myself that it didn't matter what I did, since obviously I am not a "good" Christian. I found love and friendship, but it wasn't what God wanted for me. Yet still, God kept on reaching down to take my hand. He put the right people in my life at this time. I hope that you will let Him do the same for you. This road that I am on is not even close to over. This is just the beginning, but I am tired of being shamed into putting on this fake front.

This path is scary and lonely, but it doesn't have to be. In "Living the Battle Plan", the author wrote, "Sometimes the most difficult, painful, fearful, or illogical path is the one that ends up being the open door, the one bearing God's fingerprints". We have walk the path that we have chosen, but we do not have to do it alone. God created us. We are God made, and Jesus saved.

If you get anything out of this, its for you to remember that we are prayerful people, but mental illness is a real thing. God created us and He created doctors and treatments. Never be afraid not to seek help based on the judgment of others. Above all else, thank Him even in the midst of a trial because He has never left you, and He has never left me.