Thy Will Be Done

About 15 months ago I wrote a post about God will. Specifically His will in the lives of my two baby sisters. I told you all that my will was getting me no where and that I had to let His will be done (His will was going to be done no matter what but He was very patient with me as I tried to be in control). It has been an incredibly long road. I have tried to put into words, what this past year has been like emotionally and spiritually. I've worked so hard at continuing to build my relationship with God, but its time that I am honest about this aspect of my life. The best way to describe the journey so far is through the lyrics of a song by an artist named Hillary Scott.

"I'm so confused, I know I heard You loud and clear. So I followed through, somehow I ended up here. I don't want to think, I may never understand, that my broken heart is a part of your plan. When I try to pray, all I got is hurt and these four words, Thy Will Be Done ".

Since that day (and even before that day) I prayed for His will. I have had to learn that peace wont come through MY will being done, but rather through His will being done. Of course no one said that His will would be easy. He is the only one who can see the whole picture. Still, I prayed every single night since the day that I watched the car pull away with my sisters in it, that I would get to hug them even just one more time. Its been a confusing time, and one that I never wanted to experience. One that brought me to my knees and reminded me that I cannot do this on my own.

I never knew how to explain how I truly felt when everyone would ask how I was doing. Honestly I gave the same recorded answer. My favorite response has always been that I am fine, sometimes that's true and other times its not true at all. I would tell them that I know this is all in God's plan and that His will would be done. I heard a song on the radio recently that perfectly described what these past 15 months have been for myself and my family. We had to completely trust in the fact that God's will was being done.

Some asked me, how I know that I can trust God's will. Hillary Scott helped answer that question better than I could answer it. My answer was usually, just because He is so much greater than me and that His will has never failed me before.

"I know You're good, but this don't feel good right now. I know You think, things I could never think about. Its hard to count it all joy, distracted by the noise. Just trying to make sense, of all Your promises. Sometimes I gotta stop, remember that You're God and I am not so, Thy Will Be Done."

I trust in His will, not because I am already joyful, or at peace, but because He is the maker of peace. He is the deliverer and the almighty. While I have sat in sorrow, I kept going because my God has a plan for me. One of my favorite lines in the song is when she sings about remember that God is God and that we are not. So often I got stuck in the idea that they were mine and that surely God was just testing us. I prayed that He would reveal His will to me. Even a sliver of it.

Slowly as the months went on, I saw little sneak peaks of His will already being done. Then we finally got the call. After 15 months we were going to get to see the kids. This wasn't just a visit. This was their adoption. It occurred in the same courthouse, with the same judge as their siblings. The same place where they asked us when it would be their turn. At that point I had this picture in my mind that the next time we were at that courthouse, we would be legally binding ourselves to these children.

However, today we watched a different story unfold. Our sweet girls were finally adopted, but no by us. They were adopted by another family, but what we couldn't see at first was how God's will would lead us. God placed them with another family of believers. A family who will nurture and grow our girls into God fearing and God loving young women. They are so loved by so many people. As hard as it was to let them God, God's will proved to be so much better than what would have happened if my will was done.

For some of you, it may be hard to believe that God's will could include us getting our hearts broken. Shouldn't He be mending our hearts, not breaking them? The truth is, that our God is good and if you are in pain now, there is something much greater in store but it takes patients and it takes us grasping the idea that there are times we may never understand God's will in certain situations.

If God is tugging at you right now, telling you to let His will be done, then just give in. We are not God and we cannot see the big picture. Understand this, He loves each of us and His will is good and pure and trustworthy. Today, after 15 months of prayer I held my sweet sisters in my arms, once again proving that prayer works and that God sees all. He knew from the moment that I said goodbye to them the first time, that on this day, I would hold them again. So for now I will continue to trust His will and I pray that you too can find comfort in His will. Rest easy, and be thankful for the little ones in your life because life is so precious.

"Pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" - 1 Thessalonians 5:17-18