I am the type of person that always follows a schedule, always sits in the same chair, and keeps everything nice and orderly. I am comfortable just staying inside all of the time and not meeting new people. I find it scary to change my routine or to do something a different way. Just sitting in a different chair makes me uncomfortable. Last year worked perfectly because I never left my room, so I never had to feel completely uncomfortable. Of course with the surgery I was never really comfortable physically but by doing the same things every single day I was psychologically comfortable.
For my major I have to take a class called "Interpersonal Communication". I was thinking that it would just be a regular lecture like my COM class last semester; I have been sadly mistaken. In this course we are required to step out of our comfort zone to see everything from a different perspective. The first couple weeks I dreaded going to that class because we were forced to mingle, and to learn about each other and observe proper and improper behavior. Slowly I have started to accept the fact that there are going to be many times in my life that I feel uncomfortable, and it has just taken me until now to be challenged. I am still a little nervous to break out of my shell, but I can do this.
This class has kind of helped me in other ways as well. For instance, last night the Student Government and the Campus Activity Board, sponsored what they called a "Space Lounge". Last year they held this same event with a different theme, but I refused to go because that would require me to stay out "late" and have fun on a school night. This year I decided to just go for it, so I went and actually enjoyed myself. It was a guilt free, safe, Thursday night activity.
From all of this I have come to realize that this doesn't just apply to my life here at school, but it applies to my life as a Christian. There have been times that I have had the chance to witness but I was too afraid to go up to a stranger. The other blockage in my life is the fear that once I tell someone about Christ, they are going to ask me questions, and if I can't answer them, I am afraid that the person I am speaking with will look down on me and not hear the message that I was trying to send.
I am probably not the only one who feels uncomfortable talking to people that we don't know. So I am challenging myself as well as you, to step outside of the comfort zones that we cling to and let God give you confidence to share the Word. This weekend, don't hesitate to tell someone of the glory of the Lord, just do it. Step out of your shell and make a difference.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Forevermore
Last Thursday in my Human Biology class our professor confirmed that we would be having an exam today. Since then I have not really slept because every time I closed my eyes I thought of all the different ways I was going to fail this exam. Last night I could not fall asleep because my head was spinning with all of the different biology terms that I memorized. Then the second that I woke up I rolled out of bed and starting viewing my flashcards, before realizing that I still had to make it through psychology.
By the end of psychology my heart was racing, and my head was spinning. Walking over to the science building was interesting because I almost ran into a couple people because I was so focused on getting to my classroom and going through my note cards one more time. In case you haven't realized it by this point, I have extreme test anxiety. It has gotten so bad because I expect perfection from myself, and I feel that any mistakes I make are a sign of failure. I have always been an "honors" student, but when it came to taking the SAT's they did not reflect my abilities very well. I know that I am not the only one that faces this problem, but it is a problem that I have to deal with.
When my professor handed out the exam, I stopped and took a deep breath. While I was taking that breath song lyrics got stuck in my head. The song was not one that I had listened to in a long time, but am currently listening to right now. The lyrics that were stuck in my head are as follows:
"Lift up your eyes to the One who reigns, Lift up your hands, oh sweet surrender it brings, Forevermore, You are holy, Forevermore, You are worthy"
I kept singing those lyrics in my head over and over, and instead of that being a distraction from my exam, it made me more confident in my answers. I have been praying all week, and then this morning on my way to take the exam I prayed for my nerves to be calmed because I felt like I was going to throw up. The moment that I put pencil to paper there was a sort of peace that I was getting from the lyrics of that song. God was bringing me comfort through music. It sounds kind of unrealistic, but I know that's where the lyrics came from, and where my peace came from.
No mater what the prayer is, be ready for the answer, and be ready for the comfort, no matter what form the Lord sends it as. For me, a peace was sent through music, for you it might be something big or something little. Rely on the Lord to calm you and turn your eyes and your heart to Him.
By the end of psychology my heart was racing, and my head was spinning. Walking over to the science building was interesting because I almost ran into a couple people because I was so focused on getting to my classroom and going through my note cards one more time. In case you haven't realized it by this point, I have extreme test anxiety. It has gotten so bad because I expect perfection from myself, and I feel that any mistakes I make are a sign of failure. I have always been an "honors" student, but when it came to taking the SAT's they did not reflect my abilities very well. I know that I am not the only one that faces this problem, but it is a problem that I have to deal with.
When my professor handed out the exam, I stopped and took a deep breath. While I was taking that breath song lyrics got stuck in my head. The song was not one that I had listened to in a long time, but am currently listening to right now. The lyrics that were stuck in my head are as follows:
"Lift up your eyes to the One who reigns, Lift up your hands, oh sweet surrender it brings, Forevermore, You are holy, Forevermore, You are worthy"
I kept singing those lyrics in my head over and over, and instead of that being a distraction from my exam, it made me more confident in my answers. I have been praying all week, and then this morning on my way to take the exam I prayed for my nerves to be calmed because I felt like I was going to throw up. The moment that I put pencil to paper there was a sort of peace that I was getting from the lyrics of that song. God was bringing me comfort through music. It sounds kind of unrealistic, but I know that's where the lyrics came from, and where my peace came from.
No mater what the prayer is, be ready for the answer, and be ready for the comfort, no matter what form the Lord sends it as. For me, a peace was sent through music, for you it might be something big or something little. Rely on the Lord to calm you and turn your eyes and your heart to Him.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Looking for the Pause Button!
This week is one of those weeks that I wish I could slow down and catch my breath. From the second I got back to school on Sunday until now my brain has been completely focused on all of the assignments that I have to get done, and the pressure of passing my first official exam. No matter what I do to try and relax I can't stop wondering if I am going to fail. I haven't been able to sleep because I know that when I wake up I have to face more work. It seems never ending, and each time that I hand in one essay or one presentation, another one is created for me to do. The stress is getting to me, but there is nothing I can do except meet deadlines and stay focused.
Outside of school I still have many commitments, so even when I finish an assignment I can't take a breath because then I realize something else I have to do before I go home on Friday. I feel so guilty when I have had any fun this week because I really do not have time for fun if I am going to get everything done. I expect so much from myself, which is where most of my pressure comes from. I strive for the best grades and anything lower than the best I see as a personal failure. It is a terrible philosophy but I can't get it out of my head.
The only thing that I make enough time for, is studying the Word, and worshiping the Lord. Being in the Word and devoting time to God is the only thing that relaxes me right now. However I have spent so much time worrying that I never thought about turning all of my worries and anxiety over to the Lord. When that is the first thing that I should have done when the stress and over commitments started stacking up.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
In your prayer life this week, if you think of me or other college level students pray that we do not lose our footing, and that we remember to turn our worries and anxiety over to the Lord. I challenge you to look at your life, and the stress that you are facing, and turn it over to God. Let Him take that anxiety and turn it into peace, and remember to stay in the Word because if you are like me at all, the Word is the once place that I find peace in the craziness of life!
Outside of school I still have many commitments, so even when I finish an assignment I can't take a breath because then I realize something else I have to do before I go home on Friday. I feel so guilty when I have had any fun this week because I really do not have time for fun if I am going to get everything done. I expect so much from myself, which is where most of my pressure comes from. I strive for the best grades and anything lower than the best I see as a personal failure. It is a terrible philosophy but I can't get it out of my head.
The only thing that I make enough time for, is studying the Word, and worshiping the Lord. Being in the Word and devoting time to God is the only thing that relaxes me right now. However I have spent so much time worrying that I never thought about turning all of my worries and anxiety over to the Lord. When that is the first thing that I should have done when the stress and over commitments started stacking up.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
In your prayer life this week, if you think of me or other college level students pray that we do not lose our footing, and that we remember to turn our worries and anxiety over to the Lord. I challenge you to look at your life, and the stress that you are facing, and turn it over to God. Let Him take that anxiety and turn it into peace, and remember to stay in the Word because if you are like me at all, the Word is the once place that I find peace in the craziness of life!
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
From Prayer to Praise
We all wish that making a prayer request is like making a call and expecting someone to pick up the phone right away. That's not how it works though, God is listening to the message but we still have to wait on the answer. I had to learn this from a very young age because I understood the aspect of prayer but I had no patience to wait for the answer. When I was little my sister and I made the same prayer request every single day, without fail yet we still weren't getting an answer. Through that time however, we never lost faith that God would answer us. Two years later we got the answer that we had been looking for.
Why is it that when I was little it was so easy to trust God and wait on His timing, and now I want to rush God's timing and I get upset when He doesn't give me the answer exactly when I want it? We need to get back to that innocent faith, and a solid faith in the fact that God will answer our prayers.
Sometimes I wonder if things could get any worse, and then they do. I wonder what I am doing wrong in my prayer life. Once I ponder that for a while I cry out to God and ask Him why He's not listening to me, and whats taking Him so long. My thoughts always wander to the question "am I being punished?". There is a lot of pain that goes along with some situations and it feels like God isn't hearing you, but He is. Over the summer there was a family issue that arose suddenly, and we were devastated. I felt like everything was slipping through my hands and I couldn't catch it. The ONLY thing I could do, and needed to do was pray, and pray with a faith that God has a plan and we are waiting to see where He led us. I didn't even know how to form the words to make a prayer, or what it was exactly that I needed to pray for.
I found, yet again, instructions in The Word that gave me peace over the lack of words that I could express. "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God." Romans 8:26-27.
It has been about two months since we began praying over the situation. We have had a large group of people praying for God will to be done, and guidance for my family. No matter what I was feeling I couldn't stop praying and waiting for the day that my prayers would be answered. Today is the day that the Lord has answered this prayer. It was answered in a way that was not of our control but of God's. We waited on His timing and we have been given peace. So the only challenge I have for you today is to not give up on God. Pray without stopping, and pray with the faith that God will answer your request. I have proof that prayer changes things, and God will answer.
Why is it that when I was little it was so easy to trust God and wait on His timing, and now I want to rush God's timing and I get upset when He doesn't give me the answer exactly when I want it? We need to get back to that innocent faith, and a solid faith in the fact that God will answer our prayers.
Sometimes I wonder if things could get any worse, and then they do. I wonder what I am doing wrong in my prayer life. Once I ponder that for a while I cry out to God and ask Him why He's not listening to me, and whats taking Him so long. My thoughts always wander to the question "am I being punished?". There is a lot of pain that goes along with some situations and it feels like God isn't hearing you, but He is. Over the summer there was a family issue that arose suddenly, and we were devastated. I felt like everything was slipping through my hands and I couldn't catch it. The ONLY thing I could do, and needed to do was pray, and pray with a faith that God has a plan and we are waiting to see where He led us. I didn't even know how to form the words to make a prayer, or what it was exactly that I needed to pray for.
I found, yet again, instructions in The Word that gave me peace over the lack of words that I could express. "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God." Romans 8:26-27.
It has been about two months since we began praying over the situation. We have had a large group of people praying for God will to be done, and guidance for my family. No matter what I was feeling I couldn't stop praying and waiting for the day that my prayers would be answered. Today is the day that the Lord has answered this prayer. It was answered in a way that was not of our control but of God's. We waited on His timing and we have been given peace. So the only challenge I have for you today is to not give up on God. Pray without stopping, and pray with the faith that God will answer your request. I have proof that prayer changes things, and God will answer.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Just Exhale
I have spent the past month pretending like I am not handicapped. When I park in my handicapped spot behind my dorm I move swiftly hoping that no one saw me. I haven't told anyone that I have Arthritis and I have avoided all health related conversations. Until last week I never told my new suit mates that I suffer from Arthritis. I was so scared that once they knew they wouldn't think of me as me, rather they would think of me as that lucky girl who gets special treatment for having a disability. I have spent most of this month ignoring the pain and pushing myself harder than I should have. I pray that when I leave the dorm room I don't run into anyone from my old dorm, that remembers me as the girl that always wore a giant brace on her knee.
The more I tried to pretend that there was nothing wrong with me, the more angry I got with myself. I am supposed to be an advocate for 50 million people that live with Arthritis in the United States and the 300,000 children that suffer from Arthritis, and here I am hiding out. Why has it become so hard for me to speak out about something that I am passionate about? It has added stress to my life, which in turn causes my psoriasis to act up, which makes it obvious that something is wrong with me. I am so tense, and I feel like a fraud because I do have a disability and I am hiding it from everyone.
I was so wrapped up in hiding my disability at school that I forgot to invite my friends from home to the walk. My two best friends that have been with me through all of the ups and downs, and have seen me at my most vulnerable stage of my pain. They have helped me with the walk for years and I forgot to tell them. I didn't use social media to advertise for the walk because I was worried that someone from school might read it and spread the fact that I have Arthritis. I messed up big time and I felt horrible because I didn't have my two biggest supporters with me at the walk and I was beating myself up for it.
Before the Mystic Arthritis Walk, and I spent hours standing on my feet baking 110 cupcakes, about 15 dozen various cookies, rice krispy treats and brownies for a bake sale. My knee was killing me by the end of the night, and when I got to the walk yesterday morning the pain was terrible and I ended up only making it through one lap on the course. For the first time in weeks, I was okay with the fact that I was in pain because I was surrounded with people that understand, accept and love me. For the first time in a while, I was finally able to exhale because I had nothing to hide, and nothing to worry about except raising money for the foundation.
Though I didn't deserve it, God came through for me once again because while I was sitting at the walk texting one of my best friends and apologizing I looked up and my best friend was walking toward me. It was God's way of telling me that He is in control and that I needed to stop hiding out because He has placed people in my life for a reason. Seeing my best friend there reminded me that with the strength of God, and with the amazing people that God put in my life, I can do anything. I can be the voice for 50,000 people. I do not have to hide a major part of my life because I fear being ridiculed again.
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace." Ephesians 6:10-15
We are called to stand up for ourselves and for others. This verse does not just pertain to standing up for the messages of Christ but standing up against all evils of this world. We are not called to hide out in fear of facing our enemy, we are called to stand firm and be strong through Christ. So it is my challenge for you in the next couple of weeks to pray about something that you have been to timid to do. Stand firm with the strength of the Lord and speak out. If you see someone else hurting because they aren't sure where to go from the point that they are at, encourage them to stand firm and strong. As for me, I am no longer hiding who I am, and with God I will re-enter my job as an advocate.
**If you are reading this and have any questions about Arthritis, or assistance for a disability feel free to contact me, or contact a representative from the Arthritis Foundation. God provided us with the resources that we need so be open to using them!**
The more I tried to pretend that there was nothing wrong with me, the more angry I got with myself. I am supposed to be an advocate for 50 million people that live with Arthritis in the United States and the 300,000 children that suffer from Arthritis, and here I am hiding out. Why has it become so hard for me to speak out about something that I am passionate about? It has added stress to my life, which in turn causes my psoriasis to act up, which makes it obvious that something is wrong with me. I am so tense, and I feel like a fraud because I do have a disability and I am hiding it from everyone.
I was so wrapped up in hiding my disability at school that I forgot to invite my friends from home to the walk. My two best friends that have been with me through all of the ups and downs, and have seen me at my most vulnerable stage of my pain. They have helped me with the walk for years and I forgot to tell them. I didn't use social media to advertise for the walk because I was worried that someone from school might read it and spread the fact that I have Arthritis. I messed up big time and I felt horrible because I didn't have my two biggest supporters with me at the walk and I was beating myself up for it.
Before the Mystic Arthritis Walk, and I spent hours standing on my feet baking 110 cupcakes, about 15 dozen various cookies, rice krispy treats and brownies for a bake sale. My knee was killing me by the end of the night, and when I got to the walk yesterday morning the pain was terrible and I ended up only making it through one lap on the course. For the first time in weeks, I was okay with the fact that I was in pain because I was surrounded with people that understand, accept and love me. For the first time in a while, I was finally able to exhale because I had nothing to hide, and nothing to worry about except raising money for the foundation.
Though I didn't deserve it, God came through for me once again because while I was sitting at the walk texting one of my best friends and apologizing I looked up and my best friend was walking toward me. It was God's way of telling me that He is in control and that I needed to stop hiding out because He has placed people in my life for a reason. Seeing my best friend there reminded me that with the strength of God, and with the amazing people that God put in my life, I can do anything. I can be the voice for 50,000 people. I do not have to hide a major part of my life because I fear being ridiculed again.
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace." Ephesians 6:10-15
We are called to stand up for ourselves and for others. This verse does not just pertain to standing up for the messages of Christ but standing up against all evils of this world. We are not called to hide out in fear of facing our enemy, we are called to stand firm and be strong through Christ. So it is my challenge for you in the next couple of weeks to pray about something that you have been to timid to do. Stand firm with the strength of the Lord and speak out. If you see someone else hurting because they aren't sure where to go from the point that they are at, encourage them to stand firm and strong. As for me, I am no longer hiding who I am, and with God I will re-enter my job as an advocate.
**If you are reading this and have any questions about Arthritis, or assistance for a disability feel free to contact me, or contact a representative from the Arthritis Foundation. God provided us with the resources that we need so be open to using them!**
Friday, September 21, 2012
Birthday Blessings
I love birthdays., especially other people's birthdays. Birthday's serve as a celebration of life and love and family. I have always gotten so frustrated when ever anyone said that they hate birthdays. God created each and every one of us. He is the reason that we are alive, and for me, He is the reason I love to celebrate.
Today is my moms birthday, and growing up she always made our birthdays special. In my family when it is someone's birthday we have dinner with my grandparents and some other relatives. It is not a party, rather a gathering of loved ones. We come together as a family to celebrate the life that God blessed us with. I see this day as the day that God blessed this earth with my grandparents only daughter, its the day He blessed my father with his wife, and its the day that He blessed my siblings and I with an amazing and beautiful mother.
This post is not a long one because I am spending the rest of the day with the birthday girl! So I challenge you to remind others and even yourself what a gift it is to celebrate your birthday and others birthday. Remember also, to turn to God and thank Him for the beautiful life He created. Celebrate the wonderful work of Christ.
Happy Birthday Mom! <3
Today is my moms birthday, and growing up she always made our birthdays special. In my family when it is someone's birthday we have dinner with my grandparents and some other relatives. It is not a party, rather a gathering of loved ones. We come together as a family to celebrate the life that God blessed us with. I see this day as the day that God blessed this earth with my grandparents only daughter, its the day He blessed my father with his wife, and its the day that He blessed my siblings and I with an amazing and beautiful mother.
This post is not a long one because I am spending the rest of the day with the birthday girl! So I challenge you to remind others and even yourself what a gift it is to celebrate your birthday and others birthday. Remember also, to turn to God and thank Him for the beautiful life He created. Celebrate the wonderful work of Christ.
Happy Birthday Mom! <3
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Speak Out, Speak Up
Every single day there is someone around us that is being picked on or harassed by others. When we were younger we used to pick on each other all of the time on the play ground. We would call each other names or boys would tell the girls that they were gross. It isn't seen as bullying because the kids are so young and they are trying to associate themselves with a certain group of friends. But, when does it stop being innocent teasing, and at what point do those words go from being a joke to being an insult. The line is so fine that we cross it without thinking twice. I watched it happen in the middle school, high school, sports teams and even youth groups. It is not just kids and teens, adults do the same thing but in different ways. They may all be out of high school but I've met many adults who do not act like it. The thing is that the older you get, more damage can be done.
I know that I have written about the matter of bullying before, but it was more focused. I have been contemplating touching on the matter of bullying again but I felt that the Lord was leading me to it. The reason that I cannot stop thinking about the topic of bullying is because Every single day I sit back and watch a girl in my class get teased and laughed at all because she has trouble explaining what she wants to say and it takes her longer to explain. I feel that I am not doing my part and the reason I can't stop thinking about it is because God is giving me instruction and I am to scared to follow it.
I am being selfish, because I do not want to give anyone a reason to talk about me in a bad way or to have them bully me instead. All that I keep thinking is how I wished someone said something when I was the one being bullied, yet I won't stand up for someone else. I feel horrible that it took me this long to finally listen to the Lord, and to be open to standing up for someone else. I would like to think that I would always stand up for anyone that needed help but when it came down to it I let my fear of being bullied cloud my vision.
When I found this verse it was the command that I have been avoiding but it was in print this time.
“Stop doing wrong, learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.” – Isaiah 1:16-17
So this week and this next month I challenge you to stop sitting back and watching someone get bullied. Put yourself in their shoes and realize that they need support. You can also take it as an opportunity to share the message, and give someone hope. Let them know that they are loved. Even though I know what I should do now, I have to be in prayer and be ready to stand firm with the strength and love of Christ.
I know that I have written about the matter of bullying before, but it was more focused. I have been contemplating touching on the matter of bullying again but I felt that the Lord was leading me to it. The reason that I cannot stop thinking about the topic of bullying is because Every single day I sit back and watch a girl in my class get teased and laughed at all because she has trouble explaining what she wants to say and it takes her longer to explain. I feel that I am not doing my part and the reason I can't stop thinking about it is because God is giving me instruction and I am to scared to follow it.
I am being selfish, because I do not want to give anyone a reason to talk about me in a bad way or to have them bully me instead. All that I keep thinking is how I wished someone said something when I was the one being bullied, yet I won't stand up for someone else. I feel horrible that it took me this long to finally listen to the Lord, and to be open to standing up for someone else. I would like to think that I would always stand up for anyone that needed help but when it came down to it I let my fear of being bullied cloud my vision.
When I found this verse it was the command that I have been avoiding but it was in print this time.
“Stop doing wrong, learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.” – Isaiah 1:16-17
So this week and this next month I challenge you to stop sitting back and watching someone get bullied. Put yourself in their shoes and realize that they need support. You can also take it as an opportunity to share the message, and give someone hope. Let them know that they are loved. Even though I know what I should do now, I have to be in prayer and be ready to stand firm with the strength and love of Christ.
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