My Refuge

The storm came and went faster than it was supposed to but the damage that it left behind is unbelievable. I should start by saying that God has blessed me over and over again. We did not have any major damage and we only lost power one time but then it returned. However a majority of those that we in Sandy's path have lost power or have had some sort of damage. Some have said that I am lucky and I thought about that for a moment, but I am not lucky, I am just blessed.

Yesterday we sat in front of the television to see what destruction has occurred around our state. Streets are flooded, roads are blocked with fallen power lines, schools are closed, homes were lost and lives were lost.  As I watched I kept looking around my house and at my baby sisters. The I turned to the Lord and thanked Him for protecting them. While I was reading articles about the storm online I came across a story that has haunted me since reading it.

There were multiple reported fires throughout the state, but one house fire caught my attention. The first house caught on fire and proceeded to set the house next to it on fire. I do not know if the families were inside of them, or if they evacuated earlier. The article showed a picture of the two houses ablaze and as you look around those houses all you see is water. The street was completely flooded. Those houses burnt to the ground because the firemen couldn't get to the house because of the water. They tried but there was no way to get them through that water and they couldn't put the fire out.

I obsessed over that story for the entire day and I wasn't sure why it bothered me so much. Then today as I was sitting in class I realized that I am afraid. I have had that dream in the past that there was a fire but no one could get to it to put it out. That nightmare became someone else's  reality. I also realized that it parallels a little bit of what I fear in my life with Christ. I have feared that as I am watching my life fall apart, just like the fire, God couldn't get to me and He couldn't save me. Those homes were like me, and the firemen were like God. They wanted to help but they couldn't.

My nightmare that God won't be able to save me from the fire is just that, a nightmare. It is not the truth and it is never going to come true because I have declared that the Lord is my refuge. He is my strength and He has once again protected me. We have been promised that if we declare that the Lord is our refuge,

"No harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways!" Psalm 91: 10-11

Right now for some people it may seem that God let harm come to you, or that His angels did not guard you. However, if you are reading this then He did protect you because you are living. He kept you safe from harm because you made Him your refuge. If you have not made that declaration then take this as an opportunity to do so now. If you already have but are weary as I was, reaffirm that He truly is your refuge. I challenge you to look at your life and realize how many times the Lord has kept you safe and thank Him.

Please continue to pray for all of those that have been affected by this hurricane. Pray for the parents who are trying to entertain their children with no electricity because schools are closed. Pray for each other and help in any way that you can!

The Storm

The impending storm has lingered over our heads for a couple days now. When we faced Tropical Storm Irene we were not ready for the damage that would come. We took it lightly because up here, we are not used to having terrible hurricanes/ tropical storms. Last year it ended up delaying my move in day for school which I loved because at the time I wasn't ready to leave home, but it left my family without power for a while. Homes were destroyed, families were torn apart, and it seemed like there was never enough help. The Lord blessed my family because we did not suffer any great damage.

However, that storm was just a tropical storm. This storm is a full on hurricane, and to make it worse, there is a cold front coming at us as well and when they meet the damage will be catastrophic. I feel like I should be more scared about this terrible thing that is beginning its terror but I cannot help but feel relieved that I am home with my family and with one of my best friends.  This is not what we expected for today, today was supposed to be all about our suite-mate who's birthday is today. I am a little disappointed but I know that there is a purpose for all of this.

I'm not sure how to explain what I am feeling right now, but I don't feel fearful.
"The Lord is my light and my salvation- whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life- and whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1

I am not in anyway trying to make light of this storm. I know the devestation that it is bringing, but I also have to remember that God has a plan. I cannot sit here fearful of whats coming, when I could be making the best of the time that I have. I have had a terrible week and it hasn't gotten better. When I learned about this storm I laughed because I figured things couldn't get much worse and then they did. The fact that we are now in danger, on top of everything else should make me angry but it actually didn't.

As some of you know or have learned through my blog, we are losing the baby this week. She is going to live with her beautiful baby brother with another loving family. I know that she will be happy but the realization that she's moving out has weighed heavy on my heart. I prayed over and over for God to give me more time. I didn't care that people were telling me to let it go, or that I should have been ready for this. Honestly I was angry with anyone who said that I should have been ready, or that I knew this was coming. I still wasn't ready, but I admit it. I have been praying on my knees every single day that the Lord would give me more time with her. I just felt like my work with her wasn't done yet, or that I failed to keep her safe and with a stable family. I have waited for His answer, it was all that I could think about. I had a plan to go to class and drive home every single day to be with her.

I got my answer. This storm has ended up being a sort of blessing to me. My whole family is stuck in our house for at least two whole days with nothing to do really but have fun. God gave me two whole days to spend with our beautiful little miracle. I will not waste this time with her because it is a wonderful gift. So even when the storm gets scary, I know that God is working in my life. All I can challenge you to do is pray. Not for my family per say, but for all of those that are going to be affected by this storm. Pray that people put their trust in God and remember that He is watching out for us.

There is a very high chance that I will lose power today. I am not sure when it will come back on. If the power goes out I will have no internet access and therefore won't have the ability to blog! Once the power is back I will give an update!! God bless and good luck!

A Song From Above

I have been very frustrated a lot this week. Even today my computer didn't work, I couldn't focus in class, and I haven't finished all of my school work yet. Then I stopped, and remembered that I had bought a new CD last night. Sometimes music speaks the words that I'm always trying to say. I do believe that I did not come across this by chance because I have been praying for some sort of answer to what I am going through. This song provided a sort of comfort. If you don't believe that a song can be that powerful, then I challenge you to listen to it! 

There is a Christian boy band that I fell in love with about a year ago. Their music is very inspirational and sometimes it actually leads me in the right direction. I was listening to their new CD  called "the Struggle" and there was this one song that seemed to capture every single feeling that I have had all week. I decided that rather than write a lot today, I'm going to put the lyrics to this new song in my blog. I strongly suggest that you take a minute and listen to the song. 

The song is: "Stranger's Here" by Tenth Avenue North

I know you're tired of the hurt and the heartache.

You feel like giving in, 

You feel like walking away.

And I know it's difficult, 

Feeling so out of place.

But this is not how it's gonna be.

Your pain is temporary.

We're all strangers here, 

So it's alright if you can't, 

Stop the tears that you cry.

'Cause some day we'll touch, 

The face of our God, 

And the sorrow will disappear.

Until then, we're strangers here.

That's hard to hear if you want to keep chasing, 

This broken world that only keeps your heart breaking.

So it's alright if you can't, 

Stop the tears that you cry.

'Cause some day we'll touch, 

The face of our God, 

And the sorrow will disappear.

Until then, we're strangers here.

This is not the homeland.

We can see the lights from here.

He's making a city, 

Where there are no fears.

And it's drawing near.

Until then, we're strangers here.

We're just strangers here.

We're all strangers here, 

So it's alright if you can't, 

Stop the tears that you cry.

'Cause some day we'll touch, 

The face of our God, 

And the sorrow will disappear.

Until then, we're strangers here.

Strangers here.

This is how I am ending this post today because I want you to finish reading and continue to think about the message that this song speaks.

, 

Losing Sight of the Goal

With everything that is going on in my life I keep wondering what it is that I am supposed to be doing right now. I am living in uncertainty and question. I don't think that I am the only one that faces this, but when you are in the middle of facing tribulation it can get lonely. You don't know where to turn or who to ask for help. It seems obvious to turn to the Lord during times of distress but we don't always remember to turn to Him. We search for someone that will point us in a different direction. For me, it's like I am looking around and all of the doors are closing, and I am frantically looking for the open door.

I see things happening and I can't stop them. My thoughts are consumed with a burning desire to fix everything. I am running out of time and energy and I have lost my focus. Every time I received news this week, it was unpleasent. My emotions are unorganized and my drive has slowed, almost to a stop. I want to give up because that would be easier than fighting through and pushing forward. It would be easy to shut everything out and accept that this is the best my life is ever going to be. If I were to do that, then I wouldn't be me.

There is a verse that I used to have hanging about my light switch and it says,
For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made His light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God's glory displayed in the face of Christ. 2 Corinthians 4:6

It seems that I am walking through darkness, stumbling on every little bump in the road. Each time that I fall I feel more and more like I don't belong here. Today I realized that one of my stumbling blocks is that I have lost sight of my goals. In school, I am facing challenges with admissions, and schedule and their lack of communication. I am overwhelmed by the amount of garbage that has been dumped on me because the adults in the offices do not show enough kindness to point me in the right direction. It's not fair, and I have let that get in the way of my final goal.

I am here to get a better education and enter the work force with a degree to back me up. The same can be true for my Christian life. I am so tired, and I sit here and continue to ask the Lord when enough will be enough. I don't want to handle anything else but He keeps stacking more things on me. I have put all of my prayer focus on ending my pain and tribulation and not on what I should be focusing. I have lost sight of what I am supposed to be doing as a young Christian woman.

So I am challenging you along with myself to step back and refocus our attention on our goal. What is it that we are doing all of this work for? We are all working toward something, but let's make sure that it is the right goal and the Godly goal. Try writing down your biggest goals that you are working toward and figure out what you need to do to get there. Above all, pray for the light of the Lord to shine through darkness and guide you on this path.

Communication

Communication is something that can make or break relationships. It can make or break the work place, and it can make or stagger your walk with the Lord. There are so many forms of communication that can occur, so what is it that we can't communicate with each other. I've watched people lose their jobs because they took days off without communicating that they were going to do so. I've seen kids fail classes because they missed so many classes and never communicated that they needed help. I have watched couples fall apart because they won't talk to each other and they won't solve any problems by being silent.

We are reaching the time in school where we have to register for the next semester. In order to do that we must go see our academic advisers and discuss what we have to take. For those of us with disabilities we register a little differently than our peers because while choosing classes we have to keep in mind the environment in which we are learning. There is a new person in charge of the disability aspect and now I am facing all of these new challenges that I should not have to be facing.

I am increasingly disappointed in the communication between some of departments at this school. The same is true for a lot of other schools. Different departments reside in the same building but they do not talk to each other. Instead they send us back and forth as making it very hard to get a solid answer to any problems. I have often wondered the reasoning for this lack of communication but again I never got a solid answer, not from the adults any way. When I had the chance to talk to students that work for those departments I was told that they do not have enough time to get everything done for that department to go and converse with the other departments.

My frustration is beyond high right now but there is not much I can do about it by myself. It has gotten me thinking about how this same problem parallels a problem in the Christian life. We are so caught up in our everyday lives and everything that we have to get done, that we have a lack of communication with The Boss. Those that don't pray everyday are like the employee's who take sit leave without telling anyone.   Our communication between ourselves and the Lord needs to be open and constant.

"Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see how good God is. Blessed are you who run to Him. Worship God if you want the best; worship opens doors to all His goodness." Psalm 34: 8-9 MSG

Though we cannot control how others communicate we can control how we communicate. The lack of communication that is occurring in my life right now is outside of my control. I am challenging you and myself to let go of the communication lines that we cannot control and focus our time and energy on the Lord. Work on communicating with the Lord because I promise you things in your life will change when you let God in. 

Domino Effect

I am the type of person that likes to have a sense of control over my life. I know that the Lord has complete control but He amuses me and lets me feel like I have some control. I know that I am not the only one that feels this way, and usually its not something that I talk about in normal conversation. I also like to have an end goal or a future idea that I am working toward. However, I am always reminded that no matter what future I plan, its not up to me.

I have noticed that my life is like a set of domino's. I spend so much time setting everything up and making sure that I am following God's plan and His lead. If I don't my theoretical domino's will never stand up. The stronger that my walk gets or the further the build my row of domino's the more I notice Satan trying to knock me down. Over the course of the last week leading up until now, I haven't been as strong and my domino's seem to be falling. You know how domino's work; once one falls it knocks down the next and then the next.

It's like I see them starting to fall and I am turning to God praying for Him to help me stop the domino's but He doesn't seem to be responding fast enough. As the destruction gets seemingly closer I am scared to see the outcome. I know that it sounds ridiculous for me to be feeling like this but it doesn't change how I feel nor does it mean that someone else is feeling the same way. I am here to tell you that feeling this way is not rediculous and those that look at this as a drama need to spend time in prayer. Each of us feels this fear when we start losing control. I start losing my sense of safety and I cling to hope for dear life.

I have a general idea of what is coming and I don't want it to come but that's not in my control. I am really struggling to trust that God is not just going to let my life fall apart. This is where I am supposed to have faith, but its not always so easy to hang on to. This morning while I was begging for an answer or some way to fix everything I looked up at my wall, where there is a sticker that reads, "all things are possible with God". It was a sense of reassurance but it did not last the entire day. 

Looking in scripture today I came across a verse that really said everything that I have been needing to hear.
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through tot set you ablaze t be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God." Isaiah 43: 2- 3.

This does not make the fear disappear but it serves as a reminder that though I feel like everything is spinning out of control, God is still in control. No matter what is coming my way He will protect me. He does the same for you. That is why I am challenging you to honestly praise God in whatever storm you are in. Or pray for another friend that is facing a storm. Even if all of the domino's fall God puts them back up, He has a plan and we can't see it yet but we can breathe because we know that He knows what is happening.

So Shall I Be Saved From My Enemies

Holding my tongue is not something that I am good at when I am angry or upset. I am very good at expressing what I am mad about. Growing up, we are taught the old saying, if you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all. In theory that's a great idea, but when it comes down to it being quiet is not easy. Today for example there was a group of people who were cracking jokes and spewing hate about someone else. I wanted so badly to call those people out on what they were saying but then I had to remember what I have been working on. I remembered my post from last week about the steps to follow when I feel angry. It took a lot of strength and continuous prayer just to sit still and not yell.

There's a battle going on inside of me over what to do with the information that I have gained. The anger built up inside of me every single time those people behind me spoke negatively about their so called friend. I am the type of friend/ sister, who serves as a protector. I think it has to do with being the first born. I have always believed that my role was to look after all of my siblings (at times acting like a second mother... sorry mom). The same is true for my close friends. I tend to tell people that if they mess with the people I love they have to deal with me. I know this is not really the Christian attitude but when I say it I mean it.

If you notice, I do not say what it is that I am going to do if anyone messes with those that I love. That's because I don't know what I am going to do until I speak with the Lord. I sat in my class deep in prayer not paying any attention to my class because I was to emotional and I wasn't listening to the Lord enough. I know I am probably setting a bad example to any other students that read this, but for today I needed to shut out the those people and bring the hurt and anger to the Lord. I honestly am still struggling about what to take from everything that I heard, and I don't know who to tell, or if its worth telling.

When I got back to my room I realized that I forgot to changed my calendar to today's date. The calendar is a verse a day but it was made in a way that you can use it every year. I am going to share with you the verse for today's date, and for anyone that needs proof that God listens and guides, pay attention.

"I will love thee, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, and my fortress and my deliverer; my God , my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies." Psalm 18: 1-3

He is not telling me to completely ignore the situation, but He is promising me strength. That same strength can be given to you if you simply ask. I am not giving up and I am not letting go until the Lord calls me to end this. No one should ever unjustly have to feel like they have done something wrong. In the case that is fresh on my mind, non believers are condemning a believer for having strong morals. I felt with this for a long time myself, and I God is using that part of my life to work in someone else's life. At the time, when others were spreading hate and lies, I could not understand why the Lord wouldn't make them stop. He had a plan and if the whole plan was just to help this one person than I have been blessed. I am proof that we can stand on moral grounds, but only with the strength of God and our trust in God.

I was saved from my enemies through Christ and Christ alone. I have a passion for standing up for those that are being persecuted and showing them the love of God. I am challenging you to look back at a past situation that you overcame with the Lord, and use that knowledge to help someone else. Prayerfully give support, encouragement and love to anyone who is weary. The Lord has called me to be a protector, and He has given me the tools to do so. The same is true for you. Find out what the Lord has called you to do and the tools to complete that calling will be given to you. I have been blessed and its time that I share those blessings with those who are not feeling quite so blessed at this time.