Today makes three weeks since my life was turned upside down. For some it may seem like I am dwelling on this subject. Until now I would not understand why this feeling and pain are still around. Losing a child (in a sense) is one of the hardest things that I have ever had to face in my nineteen years of living. She was a part of my family and a part of me. I believe that, that child was God sent and I know that she changed my life and changed the way that I look at life. I know that God did not put her in my life just to take her from me. I was so confused at why God would take her from me when she was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I was also so angry that His plan for my life did not include taking care of her anymore. I have had three weeks to dwell on this not only in thought but in prayer and in studying the Word.
There are days where I look at people with babies and turn to God and ask Him why they get to be so happy and why they get to have a baby. Do not get me wrong, I do not want a child of my own right now in my life, but my role in our babies life was like a second mother rather than just an older sister. I have missed so much by hiding out and not talking to people about this loss. I have not helped myself at all by watching happy babies and wishing that I could just turn back the clock and get her back.
I was not sure if I wanted to share my inner thoughts or my struggles during this time but again God has laid it on my heart to share this with you and I hope that it will help you understand me and my life. The first week was filled with anger and resentment toward God, mothers, sisters, families, and myself. I blamed myself for not fighting for her harder or letting her leave my arms in the first place. The second week I was begging for forgiveness for all of the anger that I shared. The tears wouldn't stop all week and basically all I could say was sorry. I was sorry for losing her, sorry for being angry, sorry for resenting people that had babies. More than anything I was sorry for thinking that God did this to punish me for something that I may have done.
This third week has been a very trying one. Filled with sorrow and tears, but also filled with enlightenment. God has brought so many people to me this week that were touched in some way by the tiny beautiful baby that I helped raise for an entire year. She had the love of God flowing through her and He used her to spread so much joy to so many people. Every store we went to someone asked us where our baby went. When people first started asking I begged God to make them stop. I did not want to talk about losing her and I did not want to cry in front of them but God knew better. He kept bringing people into my life that knew our baby. When we went out to eat all of the waitresses asked us where the baby went and when we told them they thanked us for loving her and being her family.
No matter how much I wanted to stop the painful thoughts of our loss God was teaching me. He was teaching me that He has a purpose for everything. He showed me that this was not just about me but it was about the hundreds of people that, that baby touched. We got to see the light of God in her and God has gone further to show me what impact she truly had on everyone. She opened the door for us to share the message with so many people. Today I sit here and I thank the Lord for putting her in my life. I thank Him for continuing to comfort me three weeks later. He is using this change in my life to teach me and to show me the light of His love and for that I am eternally grateful!
Friday, November 30, 2012
Thursday, November 29, 2012
You Help Me Stand
Have you ever had a to-do list that just kept growing no matter what you did? Well that is my problem right now. I am a person who really likes lists but I also like to cross things off my list. I have been working really hard at setting my priorities and getting studying and homework done early. My list was shrinking so much and I was feeling a little relief but of course that relief was only momentary because when I woke up this morning I had to add about ten things that I need to get done and try to find enough time in the day to get them all done. I know that you're all thinking that I am a college student and this is finals time but it's not just a school to-do list anymore.
If this work load had been placed on me even just a few days earlier I would have most likely broken down. Now looking back on this stressful week I just look up and laugh. It seems like a cruel joke has been played on my life right now but now I figure why not laugh it off. I would love to sit here and waste time hoping that my homework will get it self done, or that my quiz would disappear. I can sit here hoping that the music for worship service will fall into my lap with no practice necessary but it wont. Being at school takes work, being part of a Church family takes work, being part of a family takes work, spreading holiday cheer takes work, parenting takes work, relationships take work.
Admitting that everything takes work is great but what I wasn't thinking about is why I have all of this work and this pressure. I believe that again God is bringing me to my knees. I have not relied on Him as much as I should. It sounds terrible for me to say that God is putting this stress on me but in a way He is. Sometimes God gives a a little more than we can handle ALONE. Alone is the key because He doesn't give us tasks or hardships that He can fix, He gives me the stress right now because I have not been leaning on Him. The stress is a reminder to me that I need to ask for help long before I am in over my head.
"So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:12-13.
Those very words describe how this week has gone for me and what I have been taught by the Lord. The way out that He is talking about for me is turning my stress and tribulation over to Him and asking Him for help. There are, as you know, some easy ways out of some of the work loads that we have, but they are not the right places to turn. I am going to stand tall but I can only stand tall if the Lord is beside me helping me stand. I am burnt out from all of the pressure and work that I have done and it is daunting to have to face even more work but I can do it. I can do it if the Lord helps me stand, if He helps me do it. The same goes for you but maybe this way you can realize that you aren't leaning on Him before you get overloaded! Just remember that in order to stand firm the Lord has to be by our side leading the way.
If this work load had been placed on me even just a few days earlier I would have most likely broken down. Now looking back on this stressful week I just look up and laugh. It seems like a cruel joke has been played on my life right now but now I figure why not laugh it off. I would love to sit here and waste time hoping that my homework will get it self done, or that my quiz would disappear. I can sit here hoping that the music for worship service will fall into my lap with no practice necessary but it wont. Being at school takes work, being part of a Church family takes work, being part of a family takes work, spreading holiday cheer takes work, parenting takes work, relationships take work.
Admitting that everything takes work is great but what I wasn't thinking about is why I have all of this work and this pressure. I believe that again God is bringing me to my knees. I have not relied on Him as much as I should. It sounds terrible for me to say that God is putting this stress on me but in a way He is. Sometimes God gives a a little more than we can handle ALONE. Alone is the key because He doesn't give us tasks or hardships that He can fix, He gives me the stress right now because I have not been leaning on Him. The stress is a reminder to me that I need to ask for help long before I am in over my head.
"So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:12-13.
Those very words describe how this week has gone for me and what I have been taught by the Lord. The way out that He is talking about for me is turning my stress and tribulation over to Him and asking Him for help. There are, as you know, some easy ways out of some of the work loads that we have, but they are not the right places to turn. I am going to stand tall but I can only stand tall if the Lord is beside me helping me stand. I am burnt out from all of the pressure and work that I have done and it is daunting to have to face even more work but I can do it. I can do it if the Lord helps me stand, if He helps me do it. The same goes for you but maybe this way you can realize that you aren't leaning on Him before you get overloaded! Just remember that in order to stand firm the Lord has to be by our side leading the way.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Trust
For a very long time I have had a problem where when things in my life settle down and I finally feel "safe" I find some way out of that safety. The reason I do this is because I subconsciously and consciously am trying to prevent something else in my life from taking that safe feeling away from me. I figure that if I take the safe feeling away from myself it won't hurt as much as it would if I waited it out. It is not that I want to hurt others, in fact I never realized that by separating myself from those that I am close to, I am hurting them. It is so complicated, and it is hard for me to share this because it is a flaw that I have, that I hate about myself. For a long time I didn't even realize what I was doing. It took one of my accountability partners sitting down with me and discussing what I had been doing.
I do not know why all of this flooded my mind last night but it did and I felt compelled to share it with others. I am the one who looks toward the future and I act on my fear of loss before I even give God the chance to work it out for me. Its kind of like I have my game face on all of the time because I do not want anyone to think that I have to rely on them to make it through this life. Sometimes I joke with my friends about having an attachment disorder like my siblings. I am afraid that if things are going well I am going to wake up one morning and it's all going to be gone. I have found out recently that I am not the only one that has these feelings or reactions. I was doing it without even realizing it but God gave me clarity through a friend.
Along with not wanting others to let me down, I never want to let anyone else down. This is another reason that I cut ties with people and take off. I am afraid that when things get hard, and when they get to a personal level with me, that I am going to do something that will let them down. I feel like if they learn about everything negative in my life they are going to be disappointed in me and lose respect or trust for me. I worry about the opinions of others and then I wonder if can disappoint people then what is stopping me from being a disappointment in the Lord's eyes. This has taken time and work but God has brought healing and teaching into my life about all of this.
I have been working on letting God take care of my life and the people that He wants in it but I regress sometimes and try to take things into my own hand. It also has to do with trust. I do not give away trust very easily, people have to earn it from me and then I want them to be able to trust me. In the past, time and time again I began trusting just in time for the other person to make an exit out of my life. What I have forgotten is that we are all sinners and in the end it is hard to trust one another because we are going to let each other down but there is one person that I can put my trust in. That person is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
We are not called to put our trust in man kind. We are told to put out faith in God and God alone.
" In you our fathers put their trust; they trusted and you delivered them. 5 They cried to you and were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed" Psalm 22:4-5
Remember this, we are never a disappointment to the Lord. We sin and we bring sorrow to the Lord but He does not look down on us and see us as disappointments. If you are anything like me I challenge you to stick around and see what the Lord will play out in each relationship that you have. He puts people in our lives for a reason and its time that I wait to see what His reasoning is before I drop everything and run. Maybe, if I do that I will find that it is okay to trust people, and that it is okay to disappoint them sometimes but we will deal with it. I don't want to miss anymore opportunities than I already have with people in my life. I am committing today, to work on friendships and other relationships because God put people in my life for me and I need to be grateful and realize that God doesn't want me giving up. As for me, my trust is in the Lord, and the Lord alone because He is the one that will make this all work for the good.
I do not know why all of this flooded my mind last night but it did and I felt compelled to share it with others. I am the one who looks toward the future and I act on my fear of loss before I even give God the chance to work it out for me. Its kind of like I have my game face on all of the time because I do not want anyone to think that I have to rely on them to make it through this life. Sometimes I joke with my friends about having an attachment disorder like my siblings. I am afraid that if things are going well I am going to wake up one morning and it's all going to be gone. I have found out recently that I am not the only one that has these feelings or reactions. I was doing it without even realizing it but God gave me clarity through a friend.
Along with not wanting others to let me down, I never want to let anyone else down. This is another reason that I cut ties with people and take off. I am afraid that when things get hard, and when they get to a personal level with me, that I am going to do something that will let them down. I feel like if they learn about everything negative in my life they are going to be disappointed in me and lose respect or trust for me. I worry about the opinions of others and then I wonder if can disappoint people then what is stopping me from being a disappointment in the Lord's eyes. This has taken time and work but God has brought healing and teaching into my life about all of this.
I have been working on letting God take care of my life and the people that He wants in it but I regress sometimes and try to take things into my own hand. It also has to do with trust. I do not give away trust very easily, people have to earn it from me and then I want them to be able to trust me. In the past, time and time again I began trusting just in time for the other person to make an exit out of my life. What I have forgotten is that we are all sinners and in the end it is hard to trust one another because we are going to let each other down but there is one person that I can put my trust in. That person is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
We are not called to put our trust in man kind. We are told to put out faith in God and God alone.
" In you our fathers put their trust; they trusted and you delivered them. 5 They cried to you and were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed" Psalm 22:4-5
Remember this, we are never a disappointment to the Lord. We sin and we bring sorrow to the Lord but He does not look down on us and see us as disappointments. If you are anything like me I challenge you to stick around and see what the Lord will play out in each relationship that you have. He puts people in our lives for a reason and its time that I wait to see what His reasoning is before I drop everything and run. Maybe, if I do that I will find that it is okay to trust people, and that it is okay to disappoint them sometimes but we will deal with it. I don't want to miss anymore opportunities than I already have with people in my life. I am committing today, to work on friendships and other relationships because God put people in my life for me and I need to be grateful and realize that God doesn't want me giving up. As for me, my trust is in the Lord, and the Lord alone because He is the one that will make this all work for the good.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Snow Blessed
Growing up my mom and dad were big into Christmas. They made the whole holiday season an educational and fun time. Part of my love for Christ comes from the Christmas season. There was just so much love, excitement and happiness in my house during the Christmas season. The closer we got to Christmas day the more excited I got about hearing the story on the birth of Jesus. We waited until Christmas Eve to read the whole story all the way through and it made me have a deeper understanding of just how special Christmas was. You would think after years of hearing the same story about the birth of Jesus, it would just become a routine and nothing more. However, when Christmas Eve rolls around I get to stop and think of all the amazing things that happened in my life because of that baby that was born all those years ago.
Thanksgiving break for me and my family is the time that we finish decorating the house and spending time together. We still celebrate Christmas for two whole months and I love it. This most recent Thanksgiving break was my little sigh of relief. No matter how much family drama there was I couldn't stay mad because everywhere I looked there was some representation of Christmas. My sisters, my mom and I turned the TV off and danced around the living room or broke out in karaoke to different Christmas songs. No matter what was going on in my life last week, was faded and ignored. I was filled with excitement for the wonderful holiday that was getting closer and closer. In high school, I would come home every single day and lay under the Christmas tree and look up at the lights. Then I would do my homework, only using Christmas lights to see what I was doing.
At school it is very different. I am trying as hard as I can to have Christmas all around me but its not the same. No one sees these decorations but me and they really have no fond memories associated with them. While I was home I shut out my worries but being back here at school has given me too much time to dwell on the negative thoughts that I try so hard to ignore. By negative I mean thoughts like the semester will never end, or that if I don't get the grades that I want I have to face all of my loved ones over break. Now before I can even get to break I have to make it through finals. Last year was not terrible around finals time but I am in higher level classes now. I work so hard to succeed but in doing that I lose my passion for Christmas.
I hate being upset or sad during the holiday season. I used to be the one that walked around in Christmas outfits spreading joy to all of my friends and classmates, now I am just like the rest of the kids around the holidays; stressed and not jolly. Finally admitting one of the reasons that I am so upset lifted some weight off of my shoulders. I have two weeks left of classes to prove to myself and to others that I can continue to succeed at school even when I have suffered loss and separation anxiety. I am not here to fool around but I am also not here to become bitter toward happiness and love.
I prayed last night for some sort of Christmas joy to get me back to my old Christmas loving self. I wasn't sure what to expect from that prayer but I prayed it anyway. God has once again answered my prayer in a way that I did not even think of. As I sit here the snow is falling beautifully outside. God knows me so well (obviously since He created me) and He knew that snow would brighten the world around me and remind me of the beauty that this Christmas season holds.He has given me my answer and with that answer I have decided to start my countdown again, and break out my old Christmas jolly self, starting with my Christmas outfits.
It is not the same decorating for Christmas without my family, but God helped me to realize an important piece of information. My family at home is not my only family. I have a family on this campus as well, I have suite mates who are also my family and I can make two sets of memories for the future. If you are feeling down at any point in this holiday season I challenge you to remember what this season is truly about. Then look around you because God has given you the support that you need and you may not see it but its there.
Thanksgiving break for me and my family is the time that we finish decorating the house and spending time together. We still celebrate Christmas for two whole months and I love it. This most recent Thanksgiving break was my little sigh of relief. No matter how much family drama there was I couldn't stay mad because everywhere I looked there was some representation of Christmas. My sisters, my mom and I turned the TV off and danced around the living room or broke out in karaoke to different Christmas songs. No matter what was going on in my life last week, was faded and ignored. I was filled with excitement for the wonderful holiday that was getting closer and closer. In high school, I would come home every single day and lay under the Christmas tree and look up at the lights. Then I would do my homework, only using Christmas lights to see what I was doing.
At school it is very different. I am trying as hard as I can to have Christmas all around me but its not the same. No one sees these decorations but me and they really have no fond memories associated with them. While I was home I shut out my worries but being back here at school has given me too much time to dwell on the negative thoughts that I try so hard to ignore. By negative I mean thoughts like the semester will never end, or that if I don't get the grades that I want I have to face all of my loved ones over break. Now before I can even get to break I have to make it through finals. Last year was not terrible around finals time but I am in higher level classes now. I work so hard to succeed but in doing that I lose my passion for Christmas.
I hate being upset or sad during the holiday season. I used to be the one that walked around in Christmas outfits spreading joy to all of my friends and classmates, now I am just like the rest of the kids around the holidays; stressed and not jolly. Finally admitting one of the reasons that I am so upset lifted some weight off of my shoulders. I have two weeks left of classes to prove to myself and to others that I can continue to succeed at school even when I have suffered loss and separation anxiety. I am not here to fool around but I am also not here to become bitter toward happiness and love.
I prayed last night for some sort of Christmas joy to get me back to my old Christmas loving self. I wasn't sure what to expect from that prayer but I prayed it anyway. God has once again answered my prayer in a way that I did not even think of. As I sit here the snow is falling beautifully outside. God knows me so well (obviously since He created me) and He knew that snow would brighten the world around me and remind me of the beauty that this Christmas season holds.He has given me my answer and with that answer I have decided to start my countdown again, and break out my old Christmas jolly self, starting with my Christmas outfits.
It is not the same decorating for Christmas without my family, but God helped me to realize an important piece of information. My family at home is not my only family. I have a family on this campus as well, I have suite mates who are also my family and I can make two sets of memories for the future. If you are feeling down at any point in this holiday season I challenge you to remember what this season is truly about. Then look around you because God has given you the support that you need and you may not see it but its there.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Meaningful Pain
Twice in two days I have listened to someone talk about "feel good" preachers or Christian leaders. Their main purpose for preaching is to make people feel good about life and about the Lord. The "feel good" preaching is nice everyone once in a while but it also makes me feel like I am doing something wrong in my life on the days that I do not feel so good about life and the Lord's work in my life. The feel good preachers also are setting new believers or non believers for confusion and anger when their faith is tested. It is hard to hear that we are tested and that we lose so much but its the truth. There is more though, with faith in God things will get better.
There is a song that I have been listening to called "Don't Stop the Madness" (Tenth Avenue North). I just could not understand what the singers were trying to get across to those that listen to it. It frustrated me that in the song they asked God not to stop the madness, chaos and pain that is inside of them. Finally, I decided to play the song to my mom hoping that she could help me figure it out. Usually I do not get that intense about a song but for some reason I could not get this frustration out. I felt like I was missing something by not understanding the meaning. When I broke the song down into sections with her, I finally figured out how it fit my life.
This is the part of the song that touched me and got me thinking about my life.
"All I hear is what they're selling me
That God is love, he isn't suffering
And what you need's a little faith and prosperity
But, oh my God, I know there's more than this
If you promise pain it can't be meaningless
So make me poor if that's the price for freedom"
I have been struggling so much with all of the pain that is inside of me every single moment of the day. So many keep telling me that I need to let my pain go and move forward but I didn't want to listen to them. It hurt me so much every time I poured my heart out and got the same answer about moving forward. I know that I should give it all to God and for the most part I have done that, but the part that I have hung onto is the pain and the sorrow. This is why the song agrivated me so much. I wanted the pain to stop so badly and I begged for the pain to stop but it hasn't. Part of the reason is because I have not turned all of my pain over to the Lord.
From where I stand right now I can see that the Lord has been testing my faith. I have been a believer for fifteen years and I have faced many tests. I have overcome so many challenges and remained (to an extend) firm in my faith. I have gone down a wrong path or two in the past but God always brings me back. I can tell when I am being tested. What I can't tell is how long it will last or what this test of faith is going to be. I can sit here and let the whole thing play out before I look at this pain as a test or I can accept that it is a test and figure out what God is trying to teach me or get me to see.
The one line that broke me down in that song was "If You promise pain it can't be meaningless". That was my conviction and the answer to my questions. The reason that I have clung to my pain even after I turned everything else over to the Lord is because I am scared. I am scared that all of this hurt inside of me, and all of the tears that I have cried are going to be meaningless in my life. My life has been shaken and I have not felt comfort, nor have I felt cared for in about three weeks. I cried out to the Lord for comfort but I was the one stopping that comfort from coming into me.
You and I have to remembered that God uses our pain and that the pain that we suffer has meaning. God brought me to my knees and gave me no choice but to listen. I wish that I could have listened all by myself but I was so caught up in life that I spent no time truly on my knees. Pain is scary and difficult but God uses pain to get us to listen, so it's time that I listen and its time that you listen.
There is a song that I have been listening to called "Don't Stop the Madness" (Tenth Avenue North). I just could not understand what the singers were trying to get across to those that listen to it. It frustrated me that in the song they asked God not to stop the madness, chaos and pain that is inside of them. Finally, I decided to play the song to my mom hoping that she could help me figure it out. Usually I do not get that intense about a song but for some reason I could not get this frustration out. I felt like I was missing something by not understanding the meaning. When I broke the song down into sections with her, I finally figured out how it fit my life.
This is the part of the song that touched me and got me thinking about my life.
"All I hear is what they're selling me
That God is love, he isn't suffering
And what you need's a little faith and prosperity
But, oh my God, I know there's more than this
If you promise pain it can't be meaningless
So make me poor if that's the price for freedom"
I have been struggling so much with all of the pain that is inside of me every single moment of the day. So many keep telling me that I need to let my pain go and move forward but I didn't want to listen to them. It hurt me so much every time I poured my heart out and got the same answer about moving forward. I know that I should give it all to God and for the most part I have done that, but the part that I have hung onto is the pain and the sorrow. This is why the song agrivated me so much. I wanted the pain to stop so badly and I begged for the pain to stop but it hasn't. Part of the reason is because I have not turned all of my pain over to the Lord.
From where I stand right now I can see that the Lord has been testing my faith. I have been a believer for fifteen years and I have faced many tests. I have overcome so many challenges and remained (to an extend) firm in my faith. I have gone down a wrong path or two in the past but God always brings me back. I can tell when I am being tested. What I can't tell is how long it will last or what this test of faith is going to be. I can sit here and let the whole thing play out before I look at this pain as a test or I can accept that it is a test and figure out what God is trying to teach me or get me to see.
The one line that broke me down in that song was "If You promise pain it can't be meaningless". That was my conviction and the answer to my questions. The reason that I have clung to my pain even after I turned everything else over to the Lord is because I am scared. I am scared that all of this hurt inside of me, and all of the tears that I have cried are going to be meaningless in my life. My life has been shaken and I have not felt comfort, nor have I felt cared for in about three weeks. I cried out to the Lord for comfort but I was the one stopping that comfort from coming into me.
You and I have to remembered that God uses our pain and that the pain that we suffer has meaning. God brought me to my knees and gave me no choice but to listen. I wish that I could have listened all by myself but I was so caught up in life that I spent no time truly on my knees. Pain is scary and difficult but God uses pain to get us to listen, so it's time that I listen and its time that you listen.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Thank You Lord for Giving Me a Teacher
Today was crazy, hectic, troublesome and refreshing. Today is the day that my mom and I wait 364 days for. We save for the entire month of November and we wait to buy Christmas presents until this day. We held Thanksgiving at our house this year for the family, so we were exhausted by the time all of our family left our house. We knew that we needed to go to bed early because we were going to be waking up at three in the morning. Once midnight rolled around I finally got into bed, but I waited to long to go to bed. I woke up to a phone call from my mom at five telling me that we overslept.
If you do not know much about Black Friday let me tell you that timing is everything. We create a schedule so that when we arrive at each store they will have just restocked their shelves. The later you arrive the more stuff is already gone. People begin waiting in lines at midnight and police line up at the same time in preparation of fights. People get very heated while they wait in line, its much like a kindergarten class fighting each other to get to the head of the line. The employees of the stores have to fight through the crowds so that they can clock in before the rush of people come in. My mom and I opt out of going when there is a rush of people.
It sounds silly but waking up late is really stressful on a day like today. When we arrived at the stores we were, for the most part, the only ones there. It was nice and the few employees that were still working their twelve hour shifts were so kind. The shoppers were also very kind in the first two stores that we went to. The trouble began around 11am, I have no idea why the problems started then but it was interesting. I got to the point where I was overly tired and on my last nerve with other shoppers. The older women felt that it was their right to cut in front of us, grab an item that we were reaching for and walking away, and bumping into us and then glaring at us.
I was pushed over my limits when my mom and I sat in the car with our blinker on for five entire minutes waiting for the only handicapped spot left in the parking lot. All of a sudden this elderly woman backed her car up almost hitting our car and as the car pulled out of the spot that we were waiting on, the elderly woman pulled in and then looked at us and waved us away. Once I am tired and frustrated I tend to go overboard with everything. I told my mom that I was ready to yell at that woman because chances are I have way more medical problems than she does (which is true) and we deserve respect. My mom quickly calmed me down telling me that we are to have patience with people and that speaking out in anger is not how God wants us to live.
I have to remember that everything that comes out of my mouth will affect the person listening in some way. We are called, in Ephesians 4:29, to be patient and watch what we say.
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" - Ephesians 4:29
No matter how tired we get or how frustrating people can be we are Christ followers and the words that we speak are supposed to be glorifying to Him. We all face situations, no matter how old we are, where we need someone to remind us of that fact. For me it was my mom, who is also my teacher and has been my whole life. For you it might be a sibling, or a spouse, it doesn't really matter which Christian it is that reminds you as long as you have someone. Before you open your mouth in anger bounce your thoughts off of another believer and be open to hearing what they have to say. Be safe and have patience.
If you do not know much about Black Friday let me tell you that timing is everything. We create a schedule so that when we arrive at each store they will have just restocked their shelves. The later you arrive the more stuff is already gone. People begin waiting in lines at midnight and police line up at the same time in preparation of fights. People get very heated while they wait in line, its much like a kindergarten class fighting each other to get to the head of the line. The employees of the stores have to fight through the crowds so that they can clock in before the rush of people come in. My mom and I opt out of going when there is a rush of people.
It sounds silly but waking up late is really stressful on a day like today. When we arrived at the stores we were, for the most part, the only ones there. It was nice and the few employees that were still working their twelve hour shifts were so kind. The shoppers were also very kind in the first two stores that we went to. The trouble began around 11am, I have no idea why the problems started then but it was interesting. I got to the point where I was overly tired and on my last nerve with other shoppers. The older women felt that it was their right to cut in front of us, grab an item that we were reaching for and walking away, and bumping into us and then glaring at us.
I was pushed over my limits when my mom and I sat in the car with our blinker on for five entire minutes waiting for the only handicapped spot left in the parking lot. All of a sudden this elderly woman backed her car up almost hitting our car and as the car pulled out of the spot that we were waiting on, the elderly woman pulled in and then looked at us and waved us away. Once I am tired and frustrated I tend to go overboard with everything. I told my mom that I was ready to yell at that woman because chances are I have way more medical problems than she does (which is true) and we deserve respect. My mom quickly calmed me down telling me that we are to have patience with people and that speaking out in anger is not how God wants us to live.
I have to remember that everything that comes out of my mouth will affect the person listening in some way. We are called, in Ephesians 4:29, to be patient and watch what we say.
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" - Ephesians 4:29
No matter how tired we get or how frustrating people can be we are Christ followers and the words that we speak are supposed to be glorifying to Him. We all face situations, no matter how old we are, where we need someone to remind us of that fact. For me it was my mom, who is also my teacher and has been my whole life. For you it might be a sibling, or a spouse, it doesn't really matter which Christian it is that reminds you as long as you have someone. Before you open your mouth in anger bounce your thoughts off of another believer and be open to hearing what they have to say. Be safe and have patience.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Thank You Lord
The days leading up to this one have been busy, hectic, stressful and exhausting. It is easy to forget in the process, why we are so busy preparing and stressing. Yesterday while on the road I grew less and less thankful. People were screaming at each other through car windows, I was almost hit on three different occasions and a motor cycle tried to race my car and shout profanity in the process. I am a rule follower, so I do not typically speed even when I may need to because by following the rules I have a better chance of staying safe. I just sat in the car praying for forgiveness for my anger and asking for a redirection for my anger.
The day has finally come and family is on their way to my home for the Thanksgiving day family feast. All day my parents, siblings and aunt have been preparing and growing more and more tired of being in the same room as the other. I was getting really frustrated, you would be too if you were in the same room with eight people for hours on end with no escape. I am also a perfectionist, so I have high expectations for everyone in my home even though I shouldn't. I have tried to make everything perfect for this holiday but in the process I have lost sight of the fun and fellowship that can happen on this day.
When my friends began telling me what they were thankful for I started to think about that. All that I could come up with was that I was thankful for was the fact that I had the rest of this week off from school. The heat of the house was getting to me so I decided to put on my heals and hang lights up on our deck. It was so refreshing and it was finally quiet. I was able to get a totally different perspective on this day and I had time to spend in prayer with the Lord, with no interruptions or noise.
I am so thankful for so many things in my life and all around me. I am thankful for my family, even though they drive me crazy sometimes. I am thankful for all of the wonderful people that God has placed in my life. I am also thankful for all of the trials that I have faced because they have been a test of my faith and have drawn me closer to the Lord. I am thankful for all of the opportunities that have come my way and all of the doors that have been opened.
The most important thing that we need to remember on this day is:
"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.His love endures forever. Give thanks to the God of gods. His love endures forever Give thanks to the Lord of lords: His love endures forever"
Psalm 136:1-3
Above all I am most thankful for the Lord. So on this day make sure that you separate from your family for just a moment and remember to thank our Creator for all that He has done and has yet to do in all of our lives. God Bless you all and have a Happy and Uplifting Thanksgiving!
The day has finally come and family is on their way to my home for the Thanksgiving day family feast. All day my parents, siblings and aunt have been preparing and growing more and more tired of being in the same room as the other. I was getting really frustrated, you would be too if you were in the same room with eight people for hours on end with no escape. I am also a perfectionist, so I have high expectations for everyone in my home even though I shouldn't. I have tried to make everything perfect for this holiday but in the process I have lost sight of the fun and fellowship that can happen on this day.
When my friends began telling me what they were thankful for I started to think about that. All that I could come up with was that I was thankful for was the fact that I had the rest of this week off from school. The heat of the house was getting to me so I decided to put on my heals and hang lights up on our deck. It was so refreshing and it was finally quiet. I was able to get a totally different perspective on this day and I had time to spend in prayer with the Lord, with no interruptions or noise.
I am so thankful for so many things in my life and all around me. I am thankful for my family, even though they drive me crazy sometimes. I am thankful for all of the wonderful people that God has placed in my life. I am also thankful for all of the trials that I have faced because they have been a test of my faith and have drawn me closer to the Lord. I am thankful for all of the opportunities that have come my way and all of the doors that have been opened.
The most important thing that we need to remember on this day is:
"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.His love endures forever. Give thanks to the God of gods. His love endures forever Give thanks to the Lord of lords: His love endures forever"
Psalm 136:1-3
Above all I am most thankful for the Lord. So on this day make sure that you separate from your family for just a moment and remember to thank our Creator for all that He has done and has yet to do in all of our lives. God Bless you all and have a Happy and Uplifting Thanksgiving!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)