Meaningful Pain

Twice in two days I have listened to someone talk about "feel good" preachers or Christian leaders. Their main purpose for preaching is to make people feel good about life and about the Lord. The "feel good" preaching is nice everyone once in a while but it also makes me feel like I am doing something wrong in my life on the days that I do not feel so good about life and the Lord's work in my life. The feel good preachers also are setting new believers or non believers for confusion and anger when their faith is tested. It is hard to hear that we are tested and that we lose so much but its the truth. There is more though, with faith in God things will get better.

There is a song that I have been listening to called "Don't Stop the Madness" (Tenth Avenue North). I just could not understand what the singers were trying to get across to those that listen to it. It frustrated me that in the song they asked God not to stop the madness, chaos and pain that is inside of them. Finally, I decided to play the song to my mom hoping that she could help me figure it out. Usually I do not get that intense about a song but for some reason I could not get this frustration out. I felt like I was missing something by not understanding the meaning. When I broke the song down into sections with her, I finally figured out how it fit my life.

This is the part of the song that touched me and got me thinking about my life.

"All I hear is what they're selling me
That God is love, he isn't suffering
And what you need's a little faith and prosperity
But, oh my God, I know there's more than this
If you promise pain it can't be meaningless
So make me poor if that's the price for freedom"

I have been struggling so much with all of the pain that is inside of me every single moment of the day. So many keep telling me that I need to let my pain go and move forward but I didn't want to listen to them. It hurt me so much every time I poured my heart out and got the same answer about moving forward. I know that I should give it all to God and for the most part I have done that, but the part that I have hung onto is the pain and the sorrow.  This is why the song agrivated me so much. I wanted the pain to stop so badly and I begged for the pain to stop but it hasn't. Part of the reason is because I have not turned all of my pain over to the Lord.

From where I stand right now I can see that the Lord has been testing my faith. I have been a believer for fifteen years and I have faced many tests. I have overcome so many challenges and remained (to an extend) firm in my faith. I have gone down a wrong path or two in the past but God always brings me back. I can tell when I am being tested. What I can't tell is how long it will last or what this test of faith is going to be. I can sit here and let the whole thing play out before I look at this pain as a test or I can accept that it is a test and figure out what God is trying to teach me or get me to see.

The one line that broke me down in that song was "If You promise pain it can't be meaningless". That was my conviction and the answer to my questions. The reason that I have clung to my pain even after I turned everything else over to the Lord is because I am scared. I am scared that all of this hurt inside of me, and all of the tears that I have cried are going to be meaningless in my life. My life has been shaken and I have not felt comfort, nor have I felt cared for in about three weeks. I cried out to the Lord for comfort but I was the one stopping that comfort from coming into me.

You and I have to remembered that God uses our pain and that the pain that we suffer has meaning. God brought me to my knees and gave me no choice but to listen. I wish that I could have listened all by myself but I was so caught up in life that I spent no time truly on my knees. Pain is scary and difficult but God uses pain to get us to listen, so it's time that I listen and its time that you listen.