Snow and Surrendering

I have been on my knees praying for days. I have prayed for so many different things but it seems like nothing is happening. I feel like I am on a speeding train and I want to get off but I don't know how. I have been preaching away at the ways we can let go and let God but right now I am having trouble actually doing that. I am scared and I keep picking up the pieces of my life and can't figure out how to put it back together. I know that God's will, will be done but sometimes His will seems to be exactly the opposite of what I want to do.

I have prayed for God to give me the understanding to deal with my troubled sister. I have prayed for God to help me love her unconditionally and things got better and then we hit rock bottom again. I get angry and lose sight of what God is telling me to do, which adds to my being stuck on this train. It is like one crisis after another after another. Right now all I can feel and all I know is loss. I am sitting here watching everything that I held dear slip out of my grasp and no matter how hard I try I can't hang on. What I need to realize is that maybe God doesn't want me to hang on. Maybe my loss will be another person's gain, and that should make me feel lucky right? That my blessing will become another person's blessing. However, I can't stop the train long enough to feel like I could even want to share my blessing with someone else.

Last night after the election, and talking to my friends and family, I realized that everyone has been to busy to see that I am on this never stopping train. At first I was angry, but then I figured out that this is a test for me. God was giving me a clear message that I needed Him to make all of this madness stop. He is the only one who can stop this "train" that I am on and I haven't been letting Him. I have been waiting for my loved ones to come and save me from this mess but they aren't coming because this is between God and I. So no, I cannot stop this train without the Lord.

Then this morning, when I woke up and started getting ready I just stopped. I stood still because the song that was playing on my ipod was called "Surrender". It was finally time for me to give it all to God. I got on my knees this morning and I gave it all to God. I gave Him everything that I have been clinging to, and everything that I have been trying to fix by myself. It was like I finally could take a deep breath because I wasn't being crushed by everything that is going on. However, God didn't stop there.

We were supposed to be getting snow today later in the afternoon, but with everything bad that is going on in my life I figured why would it snow, I love snow and nothing good is happening in my life right now. The funny thing is that as soon as I gave the Lord everything, as soon as I surrendered it all to Him, someone told me to look outside. The snow is coming down hard right now, and all I can do is look at in in awe. God did not have to give this gift to me but He did. This is the snow that will turn everything white and new and pure. Snow has always been my comfort, and for some reason snow makes me feel closer to God.

The only challenge that I can give to you today is, as I have said before, let go and let God. He is amazing and He will take care of you no matter how bad you think your life is getting. I thought I was left in the darkness with no way out but God did it again and reminded me of His light and His glory. I am not saying that all of the hurt or pain has stopped because it hasn't but God gave me a new perspective. He is the only one who ever gives me tears of Joy and He has done it again! Be blessed and for those that have to drive in this, I am praying for your safety.