Just Keep Going

It has been four days since my life was turned upside down again. I have tried not to ride the downward spiral of depression. It is very hard when everything seems to be going wrong, to look at the bigger picture. My friends have continued to check up on me and try to make me happy, and I have been trying so hard to make an effort at being happy. I hate disappointing those who are trying to be supportive of me, by giving a negative attitude. I think people have been worried that I will blame God for this whole mess, but that never really seemed to be a solution to my problem. Instead of blaming Him, I begged for His help, and His comfort, and His guidance. However, I have been having trouble hearing His answers.

The advice I have been receiving is greatly appreciated and helpful. I have been consumed in studying and searching for an answer and a healing for my pain and my families pain. I wish that the answers were in black and white and handed out to me, but they aren't. We all have to keep our eyes and our hearts open for the Lord's response to our prayers. Yesterday, a friend that I haven't spoken to in some time, reached out to me. We caught each other up on the things going on in each of our lives. Both of us have grown so much, and experienced so many things since we last spoke. We talked about the future and what we are going to do as adulthood fully comes upon us. In a way I was forced to look at the bigger picture and the future that could become present very shortly.

Today I have a long walk to one of my classes, so I put in my headphones and I talk to God. Today in my time of prayer I realized that I have been so focused on my loss and my pain. I have been feeling like the world has stopped and that life can't get worse, and then it does get worse, every single day. I sit and wait for something else to go wrong and I am wasting time. I am on the path that God is leading me on, but I have sort of just stopped and I am standing still. I haven't budged and I really haven't wanted to budge. While I am standing still I am missing so much of the joy and learning that is going on around me. I cannot just stop on this path because there is so much more waiting for me that God has planned.

There is a reason that I am going through all of this right now, and it will be revealed to me in time.
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the songs of God to be revealed For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God." Romans 8: 18-21

There is a lot to that verse but it gives yet another perspective on my situation. Let me be the witness for you, that God will reveal His plans in His time. I challenge you to face any new or difficult situation was your focus on seeing God's bigger plan for your life. I have so much to learn and as I learn I hope to teach as well. This sorrow inside of me will take time to heal, but I cannot stop on the path that I am being led on. Just keep going.