The Role

In my communication course on tuesday we were asked a question and it has been stuck in my head now because I didn't give an answer. The question was, What role do you play in your family? Such as our jobs that we do or responsibilities that we have. This used to be easy for me because I was the one that tried to be exactly like my mom. I tried to be the parent and the mama bear, and typically got scolded for trying to take over the house (sorry mom). No matter what though, I knew my role.

When you are the oldest child in a family you see everything differently than everyone else in your family does. As the oldest you have a life long job of taking care of your siblings no matter what. Some people fulfill their jobs, while others quit and hand it over to someone else. I am not a quitter, I will be the lead for as long as God wills me to be. When there were only two kids in our house growing up, it was my job to create the path for my one younger sister. I hated the job at times but I couldn't stop doing that job. I would be the one to go into the doctor and get a shot first just so that my sister wouldn't be scared. No matter how much it hurt I was swing my arm around and show her that it wasn't all that bad.

Now I have five sisters (soon to be four), and I have tried to continue that role to the best of my ability. I always felt that I was the glue that needed to hold my family together. No matter what tragedy happened in our family I was the one who held back the tears and tried to comfort everyone else. For a while I was told that because I chose not to show my emotion in front of the family, I was cold and must have had no emotions about the situation. That, would make me cry because that meant that I succeed at my job. I prayed long and hard about it but I didn't change anything.

God has given me the ability to have the strength to hold everything in. I hold things so that I can be the glue for everyone else. Then later I give everything over to the Lord in private. This system has worked for so many years, and my relationship with Christ has grown stronger.  It even worked with my church family. My church family has blessed me time and time again and just like my role at home, I have my role in the church family as well. Now I sit here, still trying to find the words to say about my role in the family. Everything that I have said is how I used to feel and to some extent I still feel that way, but things are changing. I am the one that cannot hold it together, and I don't like it. I do not like feeling like my role in the family is the overly emotional sister but its happening.

God is using this one loss that I am about to face as a way to show me the different roles. As much as I hate being emotional in front of my family (both church and home) I can't stop it from happening. For me letting the emotion out is like publicly letting go of everything that I am feeling inside. Holding this all in has made me cold, and I have put up walls so that no one can get through. I have been the gate keeper who lets no trespassers into my family. Now, it's time for me to listen to the Lord and figure out what role He really wants me to take on. I can't hide from this, so now I am going to face it with strength from my loving family, church family, friends and most importantly God.

I challenge you to figure out what role you play in your family. If you can't figure out what role you play in your family, ask yourself what role you play in the church. If you cannot figure out the role you play in either, be in prayer. Take on a role in both your family and your church family. I am not saying that you have to be the head of the house now, or hold a leadership position at church, but I am saying to listen to God. If the role you are playing now is no longer the role that the Lord wants you to play then ask for guidance. Ask for Him to show you the way to a new role! We are each an important part of our families because all of us together is what makes us a family.