Snow Blessed

Growing up my mom and dad were big into Christmas. They made the whole holiday season an educational and fun time. Part of my love for Christ comes from the Christmas season. There was just so much love, excitement and happiness in my house during the Christmas season. The closer we got to Christmas day the more excited I got about hearing the story on the birth of Jesus. We waited until Christmas Eve to read the whole story all the way through and it made me have a deeper understanding of just how special Christmas was. You would think after years of hearing the same story about the birth of Jesus, it would just become a routine and nothing more. However, when Christmas Eve rolls around I get to stop and think of all the amazing things that happened in my life because of that baby that was born all those years ago.

Thanksgiving break for me and my family is the time that we finish decorating the house and spending time together. We still celebrate Christmas for two whole months and I love it. This most recent Thanksgiving break was my little sigh of relief. No matter how much family drama there was I couldn't stay mad because everywhere I looked there was some representation of Christmas. My sisters, my mom and I turned the TV off and danced around the living room or broke out in karaoke to different Christmas songs. No matter what was going on in my life last week, was faded and ignored. I was filled with excitement for the wonderful holiday that was getting closer and closer. In high school, I would come home every single day and lay under the Christmas tree and look up at the lights. Then I would do my homework, only using Christmas lights to see what I was doing.

At school it is very different. I am trying as hard as I can to have Christmas all around me but its not the same. No one sees these decorations but me and they really have no fond memories associated with them. While I was home I shut out my worries but being back here at school has given me too much time to dwell on the negative thoughts that I try so hard to ignore. By negative I mean thoughts like the semester will never end, or that if I don't get the grades that I want I have to face all of my loved ones over break. Now before I can even get to break I have to make it through finals. Last year was not terrible around finals time but I am in higher level classes now. I work so hard to succeed but in doing that I lose my passion for Christmas.

I hate being upset or sad during the holiday season. I used to be the one that walked around in Christmas outfits spreading joy to all of my friends and classmates, now I am just like the rest of the kids around the holidays; stressed and not jolly. Finally admitting one of the reasons that I am so upset lifted some weight off of my shoulders. I have two weeks left of classes to prove to myself and to others that I can continue to succeed at school even when I have suffered loss and separation anxiety. I am not here to fool around but I am also not here to become bitter toward happiness and love.

I prayed last night for some sort of Christmas joy to get me back to my old Christmas loving self. I wasn't sure what to expect from that prayer but I prayed it anyway. God has once again answered my prayer in a way that I did not even think of. As I sit here the snow is falling beautifully outside. God knows me so well (obviously since He created me) and He knew that snow would brighten the world around me and remind me of the beauty that this Christmas season holds.He has given me my answer and with that answer I have decided to start my countdown again, and break out my old Christmas jolly self, starting with my Christmas outfits.

It is not the same decorating for Christmas without my family, but God helped me to realize an important piece of information. My family at home is not my only family. I have a family on this campus as well, I have suite mates who are also my family and I can make two sets of memories for the future. If you are feeling down at any point in this holiday season I challenge you to remember what this season is truly about. Then look around you because God has given you the support that you need and you may not see it but its there.