I have had no time to process anything that I have heard in all of my classes today. I was the smart person who decided to take all of my classes on Tuesday's and Thursdays. There were points where I was so numb and couldn't breathe at all walking to and from class. I was so frustrated with myself because I couldn't walk as fast as I wanted to. My knee has slowed me down and I still have to get used to doing everything at a slower pace than I really want to do it at. It just adds to my feelings of being different than everyone else. Today I heard kids talking about another kids who had surgery four weeks ago and still hasn't recovered. They were saying that he must be faking and that he needed to stop using his crutches. It made me feel so close to that kid who they were talking about. I don't even know who he is, but I don't have to because just a year ago I was him. I was the kid that everyone talked about.
Do you know what it feels like to have to pretend like you are not in pain just so that no one will judge you? Most of you don't, some of you have even been the one criticizing how long another person has been down after having even a small surgery. Growing up in pain has taught me not to judge the recovery of another person but until last year I was never quite under the same angry rumor mill. Sometimes what hurts worse than the pain is knowing that no one supports you and that no one believes that your pain is real. People with fibromyalgia know this better than most. Even doctors have criticized the amount of pain that we are in every day. No one stops to ask me why I am legally handicapped they just scoff at me when I park in a handicapped spot.
When I was at my lowest point, and when I needed help the most I was let down over and over by those who were in my life. I truly learned who cared and who didn't. Without knowing what is coming toward him, there is a student on this campus who is about to feel like he is all alone. People may think that they are talking behind his back and that he won't find out that it was his friends calling him a fake, but he will find out. I wish that I knew who he was and I wish that I could stop him from feeling this hurt that is coming but I can't. The only thing that I can do is pray for him. There are battles in this world that I cannot fight for everyone but I know the one who can fight this and who has overcome everything and that one is Jesus Christ.
Scripture says,
"“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
When your life gets turned upside down and when people lose faith in you one person can bring you peace. God will grant the hurting, peace. We have to remember that no matter what this world throws at us, whether it be pain, fake friends or doctors who won't believe your pain, God is there. He has already overcome the world and He is ready to help us do the same. All I can do is put my trust and faith in Him and hopefully learn something along the way.
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