Transitions

Transitions; I've never really been good at them but they occur. For me, transitions rarely move smoothly. I hate change and I get comfortable living one certain way and I don't want to move on. No matter how many times I go to school and come home the transitions don't get any easier. I have one week left until I have to return to school. I have been one winter break and spending so much time with my parents. You never know how much you will actually miss them until they are not with you anymore. Granted, I come home every weekend but it doesn't matter because five days a week I am parent-less and on my own. I love school and I love the people that I live with and we have a great thing going but it is still hard to leave home.

While I have been home I kind of shut out the world. I didn't spend as much time on my phone or on my computer because everyone that I needed in that moment was with me. Coming home and sleeping in my bed every night was such a treat. I used this time to try and cope with my loss and figure out where I am headed in the future and what God has in store for me. It is really hard to fully listen to God when all I can think about is finishing my homework or studying for the next test. A major part of my anxiety and stress has been relieved for the past few weeks. This is all that I see right now. I can't picture myself being back at school next week.

I stress myself out so much when I know that I am going to have a change in my daily routine again. I hate every single week that comes right before I am expected to transition to somewhere else. Emotionally I don't even know how much more I can take right now. I have gone through so many changes already and I just began to feel stable again and now its like the rug is being pulled from underneath me. It is not that I do not have a desire to be at school, because I do, but getting there is like climbing over an emotional mountain for me. Once I get to the top I always wonder who is still going to be down at the bottom when I return.

Scripture says,
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”Joshua 1:9

So as I face a simple task of moving back to school and continuing my (costly) education I have to remember that when I look down that "mountain" God is there. It doesn't matter who else is there because the thing that I need to see is God. No matter where I have to transition to, God is there with me and He is not making me do this alone. To you I may sound ridiculous for having such a problem with transitions, especially this type of transition, but regardless it is how I feel. God has gotten me this far and it is my will that you and I continue to put our trust in Him and follow Him wherever He wants us to go, no matter what. The transitions may not always be smooth but as long as God is by our sides we will be okay!