It's Never Too Late To Start Over.

I don't know if this lesson was for me to hear, or for someone else who reads my posts. I just know that I have come across this topic a lot recently. I have made some small mistakes and some large ones. We ask for forgiveness and the Lord gives it to us. However, like I said before, we do not always forgive ourselves. We fail, and we label ourselves as failures. We mess up, and we feel like the loser. Though, we are influenced by those around us, and what they name us to be. Sometimes, even as brothers and sisters in Christ, we are quick to condemn and label. It is not our place to judge others but we do.

It is easy to accept what everyone else tells you, you are. There are people I know, that got their title and instead of changing the way that they were, they fell right into the stereotype. We have the chance to start over and change that title that was glued to us. We do not have to fit the mold that everyone tries to squeeze us into. The Lord is here, always, and He will take your hand and lead to in the right direction. When you take the wrong path, the Lord never said that you couldn't turn around and come back, you were to proud, or to embarrassed to turn your life back to Him.

Many elderly people go into the hospital and while they are on their death bed, they will turn back to the Lord. They start over at the end of their lives. It is never to late to change. It is never too late to start over. It could take you all your life to start over, but what matters is that you do start over. You can't change what you have already done, or what you have already been labeled as, but you can change your behavior, and you efforts in mending and getting another chance. So instead of thinking why me, think about starting again.

Take Responsibility.

Today's society is about placing the blame on anyone other than yourself. Kids blame their siblings into adulthood. It's no longer a behavior that only affects those who are young, but affects the mass majority. No one wants to admit there mistakes, but when they are cornered, instead of coming clean, they blame someone else. I blame others too, because its hard to not follow the norm. Its easier to let someone else take the heat of your mistake. The thing is, as Christians we are supposed to take responsibility for the sins we have committed, and then we are to bring them to the Lord and ask for forgiveness.

There are countless verses in the Bible about wise men taking responsibility and the fools that don't. No where in there does it say that it is easy to take responsibility for your failures. It is something that I know I can't do on my own, because, well one, I don't want to, and two, it's very difficult. I have blamed so many times before, and I'm sure that due to my sinful nature I will do it again. I am so far from perfect. I don't understand how the Lord can just forgive me when I have tried to run from a mistake or failure. He forgives, and we will never deserve it.

When my mom was teaching my Sunday School class, I didn't always listen. I still forget some things I learned in those classes, and she catches me on it, but I'm human. There was, however, one lesson that everyone in the class has never forgotten. It was titled, blaming. We were given a worksheet, and it had landmines all over the page. These were the landmines that would throw off our path with the Lord. The largest landmine on the page read, "blame". After that class, every time my sister and I tried to blame the other, we would recite the words, "blaming is a landmine". I don't always follow it, but I do remember it. I know that not taking responsibility for my mistakes and failures, becomes yet another block in our path to the Lord.

Every Little Change.

We have been having trouble at home with my younger sister. She has been rude, and extremely difficult. She was causing many problems at home. We would have one day of her being ridiculous and mean, then we would talk to her and the next day she would be great. It has been very frustrating to live here with her. I thought maybe that if I gave her a devotion something would help, but nothing was working. I went to her privately and asked her where God was in her life. I felt her pulling away from this amazing faith. I know that it is not my job to keep her faithful, but I was watching her slip away.

God was listening to our prayers. It may seem small, but we have had two days now of utter happiness. She has listened, and done her chores, and she has been nice. The disrespect has been gone, and we are able to share a smile with her. Mom and I went out and while we were shopping we talked about her behavior change. I picked out this little wooden decoration in the shape of her first initial. I want her to know that I see this behavior too. I know that I am not the parent but even as the older sister, I wanted nothing to do with her anger and meanness. Today I was actually able to sit down and hang out with her, and not get angry. I want her to know that I see her effort and its appreciated.

Maybe its something that I said, or something my parents said to her. Maybe though (most likely) it's God. He has gotten through to her and He has used us to help her. I know that this is not my doing alone, or my parents. There is power in prayer. I wanted something to change, and I knew that I should change myself before I try to change someone else, but by the grace of God we are headed in the right direction. I applaud her for making this step forward, and I pray that God can grant me the wisdom to help her on her journey.

A Little Prayer Anyone?

This week is the week leading up to Easter. It is a wonderful week filled with many Christian events. My church is holding prayer times every single day. They are also showing Passion of the Christ. I personally can't ever watch that movie again. It was very emotional and I can't even comprehend what the Lord has done for us. They tried to in that movie but no one can capture that. I find it amazing when people sit and pray for hours on end. All I can think about is that when Pastor prays for a long time, I get bored and loose focus. I know that prayer is so important, but I just don't know if I could do it for hours.

I sometimes feel guilty for loosing focus during the long prayers, but I know those types of prayers don't work for me, so I am not wrong when I don't feel guilty. I am closest to God during my popcorn prayers. I pray at least 30 different times a day. That seems excessive, but when you popcorn pray it can be less than a minute. This way, I pray when I remember something that needs prayer, or when I need guidance from the Lord, and I feel like it hasn't come. I have accepted that some people do not approve of only short prayers, but I say that its your relationship with God, and each of us builds that up differently.

God is kind of like the best friend who always stays by your side, and has sleepovers every night in the summer, but better! So if you have guilt for falling asleep or forgetting that you are in prayer, when someone else is praying, it doesn't make you bad. It makes you human. I still fight to focus when someone else is praying. It's hard to listen and not think about something you have to do, or something you want to say. God is still listening to you. I pray better by myself.

So this week, figure out where you are in your prayer life. Stop hanging onto guilt and think about your favorite way to pray. Then multiply that every single day. The more comfortable we get in our prayer life, the stronger it will get, and we can create a closer relationship with the Lord.

Make a Wish. Make a Prayer.

Right now I looked over at the clock to find out that it was 11:11. That time is the time when we are supposed to make a wish. There are so many superstitions about making wishes. I always say "make a wish" but I don't ever make a wish. I go to God and pray about my "wish". I didn't do it on purpose the first time, but who else would I talk to about what I want in my life. I do not always get what I want, because the Lord knows what is right for my life. It was recently that I realized, I don't wish, I pray. I don't believe really that wishing on a star or a time of day will bring anything but let down. You need to put your focus elsewhere. The Lord will listen. So now 11:11 has become a reminder to me during the day, who I have listening to me.

There are so many verses on prayer, but a slim amount on wishing. We do not need to wish, because it is greedy. We have been give the biggest gift of all, eternal life. I'm not going to lie, I still pray for things that I just want, but when it comes down to it, that's not our right. Psalm 5:3 gave me some insight on this. "In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly". This does not mean that we will get what we request right away, or ever. It is a reassurance that God is listening to our prayer.

I am not an expert by any means, at deciphering just what the Bible say. However, I share my opinion because sometimes, I am actually right. These are not my words, they are His. I study them and piece them together in my life. So call it a wish, or call it a prayer, as long as we know where that request is headed, a title doesn't matter. Next time you look at the clock, and it says 11:11 look up and spend that minute in prayer with the Lord. It can serve as a reminder for you, and me.

How is This Fair?

I have begun to do my online school. It seemed kind of fun when I did the first unit. I got it done within the hour and submitted it. From there, I was scored 100 %. I found amusement in the smiley face wearing sunglasses that sat next to my grade. Last night I decided to dive into unit two. This one was a little more difficult. There were a lot of steps and a ton of writing. While my parents both slept I stayed on my bed working for two and a half hours. I did not move from my spot because I feared that the computer would go to sleep and I would lose all of my work. I was in pain and I needed to go to the bathroom, but that was my motivation to keep going.

Well when I finally finished, there is a button at the bottom that says "finished, send to my teacher" so I clicked that button and a page popped up saying "security violation". All of my work was gone. I tried to click the back button and the undo button but nothing happened. I actually broke down and cried. I spent two and a half hours ignoring my pain and the fact that I needed to take medication, because I wanted to get the work done. I have now completed that same work all over again. It was frustrating and upsetting to sit and write four pages of work all over again. I was angry with the program and with my school because we called this morning for help and they never responded.

Lately I have been thinking about the word fair. I want to say that its not fair for all of this stuff to keep happening to me, but again, its not about me. I need to remember why I am doing this online school. My guidance counselor and some other members of my 504 team, figured out a way for me to complete 12th grade from home. I am lucky that I don't have to hurt myself trying to go to school everyday. I am blessed to be healing and to not have an infection. Although the pain hasn't changed at all, I have a family who takes care of me. I am not saying that I don't get upset and ask the Lord why this is happening, but I can truly see that I am blessed.

Jealousy Gets the Better of Us.

After the school music trip last year, I counted down the days until the one for this year. Not to place blame anywhere, but my dumb leg has gotten in the way of something else that I had looked forward to. Some of you are probably thinking that I tell you not to plan things, and look what I did, but I don't feel that way yet. I feel like I have missed out on fun and bonding. My thoughts aren't even on the success of the band or the chorus, just that I was supposed to go with them. I already have missed a college trip, and countless sleepovers. Today my sister left for the trip. Last night I re-folded all of her clothes in her suitcase. I felt bitterness inside of me as she spoke of the trip itinerary.

This whole internal pouting is a form of jealousy. I am to worried about what everyone else gets to do, instead of thinking what I can do instead of the trip. I get to spend a few days alone with the twins and my parents (my other sister is here too but that's not the point). My sister and I had a huge fight last night before she left. Part of it was truly because she had tried to pack some of my belongings and I was angry, but the other part was the jealously. She was going to go where I wanted to go more than anything.

I cannot shed that jealousy when it is the only thing on my mind. I am thinking too much about myself and not enough about what God wants me to do with this situation. I believe that He is using me as a testimony of someone who has hope in the Him, but at the same time I feel like letting go. It's like I am being punished sometimes for the sin that I have done. Now when I am rational, I know that this is not the case, but during my irrational times, I'm not so sure. I have been slacking on my scripture reading because of this anger and jealousy taking up my time.

When I searched scripture, I found Psalm 37:7, "Be patient and trust the Lord. Don't let it bother you when all goes well for those who do sinful things". How can I let it bother me now, when I myself am a sinner. I am no better than those that I am jealous of. Right now I am living in a "me" centered world. This world leaves me empty and unhappy. We find happiness just like everyone else. Because we know the Lord, our happiness will come and it will be eternal. Jealousy for me, comes when I am tired of waiting for it to be my turn for a good situation. I can't say that I am now not jealous of my sister and my friends, but I know where to go to get help with these feelings.

Stubbornness and Pain.

For days now my sisters have stopped helping me, and they haven't done any chores, or homework. They clean up just enough so that when mom looks over, it seems like they did their chores. It angers me that they do that to her, because then at 12:00 in the morning she gets up to shut the lights off and finds a huge mess that she then has to clean up. I used to forget my chores because I was too busy doing the girls chores, but now there chores and mine aren't getting done. I have taken it upon myself to get up and clean everything that I can. The girls come over and ask if I need help, but at that point I have asked them to help many times and they said no.

I won't deny that I am stubborn, but I feel like a burden and that I need to earn the help that my mom gives me. She chases the twins around all day and takes care of me, then the other girls come home and trash everything that is clean. Seeing her frustrated makes me angry at the girls. They leave a mess and have fun with the twins. Mom gets a nap every now and then, so during that nap I get up and clean what I can. If I got up while she was awake there is no way I'd be able to complete any work. The twins got new toys the other day, and decided to play with every single toy and leave them out. Mom was on the phone when we sat down for dinner, but when I saw that mess, I almost cried. We are teaching the twins during the day, that they have to clean up before they can leave the room, and then the older girls let them go wild. I sat down not at the table but in the other room and cleaned up everything rather than eat.

All of this extra work has put me in more pain than I can bear. I try not to complain, or take medication because I want this to be better. I am being stubborn in that area as well. I know that I should take medication but I worry that it will set me back more than I already am. This all reminds me of the story about Mary and Martha. Martha tried so hard to get the work done, while Mary went off to listen to the words of the Lord. I was angered myself when I read the story. I was appalled that the Lord chose the side of the lazy sister. I guess I have just looked at it the wrong way.

Martha could have left Mary alone to be with the Lord, but she felt hurt by her sister. I have felt the same way, but that does not mean that I should pick up the slack of my sister. Right now I need to be focusing on my health, and not doing the work that my sisters should be doing in hopes that they get condemned. Sometimes though, I find it harder to let it go, than to just do the work. I am wrong and I know that, but this is something still in the works in my life. It may not be about us though, we just step in because we think its our right. These types of things can be left for the Lord's concern.

God Forgave You, Why Can't You Forgive Yourself?

There are so many times that I go into prayer asking for forgiveness. There are so many times that we all fall into temptation and find ourselves wishing that we had listened to the Lord. Then when that certain temptation has past, we go to the Lord begging Him to forgive what we have done. He has promised us that when we sin and bring it to Him, He will forgive you. So why is it that He forgave us, but we won't forgive us?

This is a trap of the mind I think. We believe that the sin we committed was unforgivable. I hang onto my sin because I am so angry with myself that I seek punishment in a way. I feel that I am not worthy of the Lord's forgiveness, and the truth is, I'm not. I am forgiven because I am loved by the Lord just like you and everyone else. When I am doing a certain sin, I know that it is wrong. The fact that I knew I was wrong sticks in my head. That doubt in my head, that I will do it again. I hang onto my sin even when I am forgiven and it becomes a reminder everyday. Continuing to think about our sin, is what Satan really wants. It is then, that he comes in and brings the temptation.

Sometimes, I think that we hang onto that sin because we know that we will do it again. In a way, it's like we want to do it again. When we ask for forgiveness we need to be ready to repent. The temptations will still be there because the devil knows that it is a weak spot. At first repenting is going to seem too difficult and tiring, but it's worth it. I can't do it alone but I CAN do it with the Lord. When we ask the Lord for forgiveness we need to also ask Him to help us get through this. Temptation is always going to be there, but God will always be there too.

The Preacher or the Teacher?

Today I went to church. I miss going so much, but there are just some weeks that I cannot handle leaving the house. I have always been the one sitting in church taking detailed notes during the sermon. I'm not gonna lie, sometimes I doodle, but I give the pastor my "pretty" drawings. For a long time I have always found it weird that the sermons during service matched what we learned about in Sunday School. When I was little, I used to tell my mom (who was my Sunday School teacher) that she and the Pastor had talked before church so that they could match lessons. When I was a little bit older, I was able to see that the matching messages came from the Lord. Every time after that I knew to listen very closely when it was the same message twice. I believe that the Lord sends us what we need to hear. It may not be what we want, but if He is sending the message from all different directions it's time to open your ears.

Hearing the message twice is great, but not everyone can make it to Sunday School, but don't worry the Lord has many ways of speaking to His people. With everything that is going on in my life health wise, I have found it difficult to climb the stairs to get into the Sanctuary. Today was only the second time that I have gone to church, since the surgery. Both the first time and this time, the sermon was something that touched situations in my life. Although the Pastor knows what's going on in my life, he doesn't know what it is that I need to hear. He may be the preacher but he is not the Teacher. The Lord is our Teacher. He sends messages to us through other people in our lives, like the Pastor at your church.

Sometimes I only half listen to the sermon, but I take notes so that I can look back later. By doing that I get the chance to form my own thoughts on that topic, and piece it together in my life. I don't suggest that you always figure it out yourself, but it might help you. No matter what though, I always hear what the Lord wants me to hear. I sound rather contradictory but there are just so many ways that the Lord talks to us and I want people to know that what they hear really is Him.

Each sermon, lesson, devotion, teaching, is special, as long as it truly comes from the Lord. I find that the sermon topic touches me as well as others around me. Knowing that one topic can fit what is going on in my life, and my fellow church members, is amazing. When I sit in my chair, listen to a sermon and find the answers to my situational questions, I know that my answers are from the Lord.

Do You Have Hope?

Hope is another one of those words that gets thrown around by everyone and anyone. It has become a space filler word, and something you tell people when they are down. Hope didn't come from the world though, it comes from the Lord. We are told many times in the Bible to have hope. Hope is what gets me through each day. If I did not have hope that the Lord has a plan, then I would live in sorrow. Some people live without hope. I haven't figured out if they are weak, or lazy, or have turned from God. I am not saying that when things are going wrong, I always see that glimpse of hope, but I do know where to go when I need to find that hope. I fold my hands and pray, sometimes I am led to talk to another one of my brothers or sisters in Christ, and other times I am led to the Bible. It does not make you weak to ask God for help, what makes you weak is ignoring the chance to feel hope from the Lord.

I have lived with many medical issues my entire life. I don't even want to think about what my life would be if my parents didn't show me the hope that the Lord gives. Somehow though, I can always have a melt down, and then take a step back and see where the light is shinning in. I tried to let go of hope for a while, but in doing that I signed over to a miserable life, filled with temporary gratification. I cling to hope so that I can keep pushing forward. I find that it actually helps bring me back onto the right path with the Lord. I am always searching for hope that He sends, so I have to stay in "contact" with Him.

Hope really is the Lord. He is the light in everything. Non-believers use the word hope too. It basically has the same meaning to them as it does to believers. It is the belief that something good will happen. That is how I see hope, but I also see that it comes from the Lord, and it comes in spite of the sinful lives we lead. Hope is a gift. The Lord has given this gift to everyone. I believe that, those who do not see hope in bad situations, put there gift in the closet without unwrapping it. My analogy makes me think twice when I am in "darkness". Instead of giving up, and giving in, I get up and start again, but ONLY by the grace of God. I have hope, therefore, darkness cannot consume me.

Need a Dose of God?

Right now I am up to my ears in medication. I even have tried the herbal stuff. It isn't working anymore, nor is it bringing me any relief. I take what I can so that my pain is lessened, but I can't keep the pain gone. It is a place that I hate being in. Pain, with no visible way out. So many of us live in pain, but some find a way to stop the hurt. All I do really, is sleep. I take medication to put me to sleep, and then I don't feel pain. While I sleep though, time goes on. I feel like I am wasting my time sleeping, but I won't stop because it is my way out. I can name at least 100 people in my life that are taking some sort of medication to make it through the day.

It's frustrating to try everything that exists, but get no relief. Maybe we are all going about this the wrong way. I personally pray that the Lord send me the right doctors, and a medication that works. As the days go by my prayers come from my heart a little less every time. I feel like I am stuck, and there is no way to get away from this pain. Then today I thought about healing. I struggle with the idea of man being able to heal anyone, and work miracles. Many tell me that I am wrong, and that the Bible says that there are some people who can heal, through the Lord's will. My mom got me a Bible study about healing, in hopes that I will find some way to understand the Lord's miracles.

I believe that along with that, what I really need, is a good dose of the Lord. It sounds weird to say it like that, but it's true. I need to give all of my pain to Him, and let Him deal with it, HIS way. Maybe instead of that extra dose of pain killers, I go to the Lord. Just like everything that crosses my path, it will take work, and time, but I still put my trust in the Lord, and I know that He will get me out of this. I challenge you, along with myself, to spend this week filling your hearts with love from the Lord. You might find a little peace in the mess you feel you are in.

Tiny Sigh Of Relief.

It is now almost two months since I had surgery. I haven't been back to school, and I haven't done any school work. When the tutor came at the end of march, he dumped a huge load of work on me. I had two books to read, and projects to complete, along with an endless supply of tests. Even now, I still sleep for half of the day, and then I go to physical therapy. I could not figure out how I was going to make up the work. I felt like all of the things that cause stress in my life, were dumped on my lap all at once. I was upset, and felt like I was going to do the work, but delay my recovery.

I prayed, but not hard enough to deserve what the Lord had in store for me. He once again went right through my doubt and answered my prayer. It did not happen like I thought it would but that's the beauty in the Lord's work. Sometimes we miss the answers that He sends us, because we aren't looking for His answer, we are stuck in our world pretending that the Lord is ignoring you. I had a meeting at school last week. I was extremely anxious because, one, I hadn't been in that school for over a month, and two, those meetings never went well. I went into prayer, but I let my anxiety take over, and I didn't put my heart into my prayer. This is more proof that the Lord shows us mercy, and by His grace, we are blessed.

When I entered the meeting, and even during the meeting, I was nervous and uncomfortable. I wanted more than anything to leave the school and go home. The meeting didn't take long, but it helped. They suggested that I do my english class and my history class online so that I could work on it whenever I wanted to. It meant that I would still be able to sleep all the time, and that when I felt okay I could get stuff done. It was like lifting that weight off of me so that I could keep going forward and maybe recover. When I got home, and talked it over with my mom, I realized that the Lord had shown me light through this pit of darkness. It is all I ever wanted, and what I needed. God is good, All the time.

To Love Conditionally.

Growing up, I had this one Uncle that always bothered me. I judged his appearance and his life style. My mom used to sit me down every once in a while to explain to me the importance of unconditional love. I hated that word, "unconditional", it always rubs me the wrong way. I still have trouble loving people unconditionally. I love people sometimes, but then when they hurt me, or do something that I have deemed wrong in my mind, I don't love them at all. This is called conditional love. It when you love people on a situation basis. This is not what the Lord wants me, or anyone else to be doing. I know that He loves us unconditionally, but I still have so much more to learn.

I have spent a long time trying to figure out how I can learn to love unconditionally. It is one problem in my life that I have not given to God. I have moments when I think that I have given it to God, but then that same situation comes up and I have to start all over again. I know that I am not the only one that goes through this, but for a long while I thought that I was. I never wanted to admit to anyone that I have trouble loving others fully. I thought that it made me a bad person. I assumed that people would look at me as if I were cold- hearted. With some people, you will find that they judge you, but there are so many others that have the same issues.

When looking up scripture on this topic, I found many verses that would work, but only one that gave me just what I was looking for. "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins" 1 Peter 4:8. It made me realize that every time I do not love unconditionally I am focusing on sin. I am hanging onto bad memories and using it against that person in my head. It happens even in my own home. My youngest sister is misbehaving all the time. It bothers me greatly, but I cannot do anything about it because I am not the parent. Then there are times that she is so sweet, and I think that she has changed. It really isn't my decision to make her change. I cannot control her life.

It is so easy for me to say, right now, that I have no control, but in the heat of the moment I want more than anything to "fix her". I hang onto every sin that she creates. I ignore my own sin, and instead focus on everything she has done wrong in my eyes. Right now, I do only love her conditionally. It is a huge problem, but it is a mutual problem. I have tried many times to make myself love her always, but it is not a job that I can do alone. I need to give it to God. I say that all the time, but if I cannot love one of His children, the way He does, then it is by His mercy alone that I am loved. This situation requires work, and honesty. You are not going to be left alone, by admitting that you do not love everyone unconditionally. We are sinful people, but we are also saved. Going to God for help is the first step in the right direction.

Where Is God In Your Life?

We accept Jesus in our hearts, and we worship the Lord. We are taught from a young age that we are constantly building your relationship with the Lord. They tell us that we have to read the Bible, and pray everyday, so that we don't lose God in our lives. I have always found that absurd. How could anyone just forget about the Lord? Well lately this has come up in my life. I am so overwhelmed with my worldly stress, that I haven't truly been working on my relationship with God. I "forget" to pray every night and I don't even know that I'm doing something wrong.

We can all make excuses, I have some too, just like you. I take medication that puts me to sleep, so it "couldn't be my fault". In all actuality it is my fault. I could be praying before I take my medication. It begins maybe, as an innocent mistake, but then you get stuck in a downward spiral. God is still there, but you have closed yourself off to Him. We become so focused on everything else, and not what we are commanded in the Bible. If our life were a circle, we put God on the outside, when we SHOULD put Him in the center.

You might think that you are in a great place with God, so you don't have to work as hard as you have been, but that's a lie, that you are choosing to believe. When you feel this way, you are in danger. You are following what you want to, NOT what God has commanded of you. You have also then taken your life into your own hands. At first it may seem nice, but sooner or later, when you realized that you have strayed, you may not know how to come back.

Take a look at your life right now and figure out where you are with God. If you find that you have strayed, take this chance and go back to Him.

Is Time On My Side?

I can't believe that its already April. Growing up we are all told that our young years go by faster than we think. I always looked forward to growing up and going to college, but once I hit high school I realized how fast that future was coming. The thing is, once you hit high school there is no such thing as slowing down. It's a fast pace track to graduation day. Many of my peers are counting the days until they graduate, but I still feel like there is more that I need to do here at home. I have prayed for time to slow down and give me the chance to appreciate what I have here, and what I have done for the past eighteen years.

Time, however, is not something I can control. None of us can. The Lord has our plan and He will bring us to the future. I am nervous to be out "on my own". All the training at school was for educational purposes, not the emotions that come along with that much of a transition. At some point or another the adults in our lives have felt what we feel now. It's hard to listen to them "relate" to us because the age difference seems monumental. For years now, I have also prayed that the Lord would let me get into a great college and a great career. Now I pray for guidance in choosing the right school and following what He wants for me. It would be easier to give up, but results come from work.

While I wait on His time, it seems like time here is flying by. I can't get everything into each day that I want to. I find myself disappointed at times because I want to give more time to the Lord but then I have homework and scholarship essays. My excuses are endless. We all try to justify everything that happens in our lives. I feel that I need to have a reason for not spending a ton of time with the Lord, but that isn't what He is looking for. I can't make a plan for my future if the Lord isn't the biggest part of my life. He knows what is coming in my life, and when we are overwhelmed like I am about all of this, we go to the Lord. He is the decision maker in our lives. I am interested to see what He has ready for me.

Last Team Standing.

Although it is no longer march, March Madness is still going strong. Since I'm still not going back to school, I have been watching the NCAA Championship with my mom. I never liked boys basketball until now. I am a major UCONN fan, and ever since I was little, I have been a fan of the UCONN women. They have done so well for a long time now, but the boys, well not so much. I never really watched them because it's not as exciting to watch your team lose constantly. This year, however, things have changed. The men practiced hard, and fought their way to the top. They are now headed to the top two, and then (hopefully) they will be handed the championship trophy.

This got me thinking about my relationship with the Lord. Once you become a Christian and accept Jesus as your savior, you have to work at that relationship. That is only the first step to your Walk with the Lord. Because I accepted the Lord at such a young age, I have been able to work on my Walk for a little over ten years. Just like the UCONN men, I had my losing season every now and then, but I was able to get up and climb back to the top again. Think of it this way, every team that the boys played, is like each situation that we face. Then, you either win that "game" or you "lose" it and you get back up to meet the next situation.

We also have to practice our faith. The men's team has practice for hours everyday. They have a passion for playing basketball and I have a passion for growing closer to the Lord. My practice, however, is a little different than there's. Every single day, I practice by staying in prayer every minute of the day. Then I read the Bible, and check out my different devotionals. I listen to worship music so that my head is full of the Word. Finally, my favorite is being in fellowship with other Christians. I am not saying that it is easy to practice your faith, but if you want to get to the top you have to work at it.

My mom and I tied basketball and the Lord together last night, because during the game we held hands, and prayed that the men would win. I am happy to say that the Lord answered our prayers! I find praying to be the easiest way to practice my faith. I pray for silly things, serious things, and everyTHING in between. "So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness" Colossians 2:6-7. We have been given the strength to succeed, and we are already part of the winning team!

April Fools.

Lately I have been in the presence of people that I consider "fools". I hate being with those people. They think that they have all the knowledge in the world, and brush off any wisdom from others. I know that I can be foolish, but I believe that I am open to learning about the Lord. I do not rely on my perspective of the Word as the final. There are some adults in my life as well, that believe that they have all the answers, and shoot down your ideas.

In the Bible, fools are mentioned in a few different capacities. I am speaking of Proverbs 14:33, "Wisdom rests in the hearts of him who has understanding, but what is in the heart of fools is made known." This verse is rather comforting to me because I hear those who speak everything that comes into their head, and question what I know. With adults, I never really speak what is on my heart, because I fear that I could be wrong, and they could be right. Not everyone who speaks his mind, is a fool, but those who contradict the Word of the Lord are foolish.

We were all given the freedom to think, to speak and to form an opinion, but when we make our opinions known, we need to come from a heart of the Lord. I am in constant prayer, asking for wisdom throughout my day. I do not pretend that I have all knowledge about the Lord, and His commands for us. It is known that I love to talk, but matters of the Lord, I do not speak. I am not a new Christian, but I know that I have so much more to learn. I am cautious with the advice that I offer dealing with my Christianity. I worry that I do not have enough wisdom to speak what the Lord really wants.

The verse that I stated in the beginning confirms that I am correct in how I live. I do not assume that I have all of the knowledge, therefore I consider myself "wise". The other people in my life that share every comment they have concerning faith, are fools. They look to themselves and believe that they have the answers, and that they are always right. They are not open to hear what anyone else has to say on the matter, because they think that ONLY they are right. They are wrong, because those with a heart in the right place, gain wisdom from the Lord. So which one are you? The wise man who keeps his mouth shut? Or the foolish man who speaks his opinions?