Jealousy Gets the Better of Us.

After the school music trip last year, I counted down the days until the one for this year. Not to place blame anywhere, but my dumb leg has gotten in the way of something else that I had looked forward to. Some of you are probably thinking that I tell you not to plan things, and look what I did, but I don't feel that way yet. I feel like I have missed out on fun and bonding. My thoughts aren't even on the success of the band or the chorus, just that I was supposed to go with them. I already have missed a college trip, and countless sleepovers. Today my sister left for the trip. Last night I re-folded all of her clothes in her suitcase. I felt bitterness inside of me as she spoke of the trip itinerary.

This whole internal pouting is a form of jealousy. I am to worried about what everyone else gets to do, instead of thinking what I can do instead of the trip. I get to spend a few days alone with the twins and my parents (my other sister is here too but that's not the point). My sister and I had a huge fight last night before she left. Part of it was truly because she had tried to pack some of my belongings and I was angry, but the other part was the jealously. She was going to go where I wanted to go more than anything.

I cannot shed that jealousy when it is the only thing on my mind. I am thinking too much about myself and not enough about what God wants me to do with this situation. I believe that He is using me as a testimony of someone who has hope in the Him, but at the same time I feel like letting go. It's like I am being punished sometimes for the sin that I have done. Now when I am rational, I know that this is not the case, but during my irrational times, I'm not so sure. I have been slacking on my scripture reading because of this anger and jealousy taking up my time.

When I searched scripture, I found Psalm 37:7, "Be patient and trust the Lord. Don't let it bother you when all goes well for those who do sinful things". How can I let it bother me now, when I myself am a sinner. I am no better than those that I am jealous of. Right now I am living in a "me" centered world. This world leaves me empty and unhappy. We find happiness just like everyone else. Because we know the Lord, our happiness will come and it will be eternal. Jealousy for me, comes when I am tired of waiting for it to be my turn for a good situation. I can't say that I am now not jealous of my sister and my friends, but I know where to go to get help with these feelings.