Stubbornness and Pain.

For days now my sisters have stopped helping me, and they haven't done any chores, or homework. They clean up just enough so that when mom looks over, it seems like they did their chores. It angers me that they do that to her, because then at 12:00 in the morning she gets up to shut the lights off and finds a huge mess that she then has to clean up. I used to forget my chores because I was too busy doing the girls chores, but now there chores and mine aren't getting done. I have taken it upon myself to get up and clean everything that I can. The girls come over and ask if I need help, but at that point I have asked them to help many times and they said no.

I won't deny that I am stubborn, but I feel like a burden and that I need to earn the help that my mom gives me. She chases the twins around all day and takes care of me, then the other girls come home and trash everything that is clean. Seeing her frustrated makes me angry at the girls. They leave a mess and have fun with the twins. Mom gets a nap every now and then, so during that nap I get up and clean what I can. If I got up while she was awake there is no way I'd be able to complete any work. The twins got new toys the other day, and decided to play with every single toy and leave them out. Mom was on the phone when we sat down for dinner, but when I saw that mess, I almost cried. We are teaching the twins during the day, that they have to clean up before they can leave the room, and then the older girls let them go wild. I sat down not at the table but in the other room and cleaned up everything rather than eat.

All of this extra work has put me in more pain than I can bear. I try not to complain, or take medication because I want this to be better. I am being stubborn in that area as well. I know that I should take medication but I worry that it will set me back more than I already am. This all reminds me of the story about Mary and Martha. Martha tried so hard to get the work done, while Mary went off to listen to the words of the Lord. I was angered myself when I read the story. I was appalled that the Lord chose the side of the lazy sister. I guess I have just looked at it the wrong way.

Martha could have left Mary alone to be with the Lord, but she felt hurt by her sister. I have felt the same way, but that does not mean that I should pick up the slack of my sister. Right now I need to be focusing on my health, and not doing the work that my sisters should be doing in hopes that they get condemned. Sometimes though, I find it harder to let it go, than to just do the work. I am wrong and I know that, but this is something still in the works in my life. It may not be about us though, we just step in because we think its our right. These types of things can be left for the Lord's concern.