Lead Me

In exactly two weeks from today I will be moving into my dorm. This prospect is rather frightening for me. It is supposed to be a time of excitement, but I tend to be a little more nervous than excited. Many people have come up to tell me that I should be excited because its my last year. I know that everyone who has said that to me, was trying to be positive, but after this year I will be entering "the real world". I have spent the past sixteen years in structured school environments.

Whether you are a senior in high school, or a senior in college, everyone has that one question, "What are you going to do after you graduate?". After high school my response was that I would be attending college. I have talked about this before, but it has come up time and time again since I wrote about this the last time. My normal answer, is that I wish to work for a non profit organization. I follow that up by saying that it won't pay off my loans, so I will have to get another job for the time being.

I used to be so sure of the future, or the future that I wanted, but in case you haven't noticed, that's not working out so well for me. I have all these grand plans of what I want to accomplish and when I want things done. I spend a lot of time worrying about the future and I forget to live the life that I have right now. In talking with a friend last night, I realized that I'm not stressing just about school, I'm stressing about the stress that I will be under when school starts.

When most people look at their senior year, they have a plan for the year. They want to make the best of it and have fun, but in my mind I am always looking ahead. I am very impatient when it comes to the future. I know that God has a plan but I want to know it sooner rather than later. I am all about prayer, but a find that a good part of my prayers are about me begging Him to show me what's in store for my life in the future.

I thought that I had a wave of peace at the beginning of the week, however, the peace was false. I was at peace because something had finally fit into my future image. I was feeling joy in my heart, but it wasn't true joy. I think that I knew it was too good to be true, but I wanted to believe it was a message from God. The problem is that, no matter how much we want to believe something, if its not from God, its really not meant to be. The future that I want for myself may not be the best future for me. Something that will make me happy now, may make me miserable in the future. The only one who sees that future is God.

I say all of that, just to explain that God has a plan. When someone asks me what I am going to do when I graduate, the real answer is, whatever God wants me to do with my life. I make this promise, and I hope that you do too. No matter how painful, hard or frustrating things get now, its God who has the plan for your life, no you, not anyone other than Him. So we all need to stop fighting Him and let Him lead us in the way that we should go.