Give it to God

Today marks the first day of August. For about four years now, August has been my least favorite month. It brings the end of summer and the start of another new school year. It means moving out of my house and living away from my family. Though I come home every weekend, being away is one of the hardest things I've ever done. I will be the first to admit that I have separation anxiety. Every time someone asks me when I am going back to school I feel the urge to cry (I hate crying). It doesn't matter that I am barely away from home, because it still hurts.

This year in particular has been worse than ever before. As I stated before, my Grandma is dying. She is my moms best friend and she's also played a key role in raising me. There isn't enough gratitude in the world to give to my grandma. I watch as my mom spends every minute she can with her best friend. Well, my mom is my best friend. I know, what a shock (not really), but she is. I have spent every day with her this summer, night and day.

So many things have happened since school ended in May. We have suffered many losses and trouble seems to be always in our way. As we face more pressing decisions I cling to what I know and love at home. The compassion and understanding will not be there while I am at school. I am facing professors who are non-believers and who do not have the students best interest at heart. In fact one, has already been rude. I know that this semester is going to be really rough which makes this month even harder.

I say goodbye to all of my friends again as they head back to their schools. There is so much that I wanted to accomplish this summer, but they did not get done. I am stuck in this image of my life over the next few months and its looking pretty grim. I am going to struggle, I am going to break down, and I am going to face a lot. I am not ready, nor do I want to be ready. So many times I have considered dropping out of college, but something is keeping me there.

As I continue to raise my blood pressure I am left to wonder, what else could I possibly handle right now. I have gotten myself stuck in a rut both physically and emotionally. What I haven't really done, is turn it over to God. I am feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders and its far to much for me to bear on my own. Even saying it out loud doesn't relieve the stress. The only thing that can relieve my stress is turning it all over to God. This is not going to be easy, but for my spiritual life and my health, its time to let it go and give it to God. I challenge you to turn over anything that you are clinging too, or anything that is hanging over your head. Together we can give it to God.