For a long while now, there has been a life changing decision resting on the shoulders of my family. We diligently prayed together, and by ourselves. We kept saying that we were looking for a sign from God. That sign came for just about everyone in the family, everyone but me. When it came time to sit and talk about the issue at hand, I just kept saying that I was still waiting for my sign from God. What I am sharing with you is something that I have been struggling with for a while and I will get emotional talking about it.
To be honest, I have been praying. I haven't stopped praying for a sign, or some understanding of what I was supposed to do. God just wasn't answering me... or was He. The real problem wasn't that He wasn't answering me, it was that I wasn't listening. For the longest time what I've been asking Him, is something that I never wanted an answer too. There was so much grief surrounding the issue that I wanted things to stay the way they were so that I could hold off on the grief.
I have been struggling for so long because I have been fighting God. Truthfully I think that I knew His answer all along, but I didn't want to accept His answer. The answer that God was giving me, did not fit the plan that I had for my life. I envisioned this perfect little future, where I wouldn't have to grieve anymore, and I would just keep pushing forward.
It has been made clear to me, that the future I so desperately clung to, actually would leave myself, and everyone involved miserable. There would be more fighting and pain. I was lost, because my perfect vision was coming to an end. The thing that I had been putting off for months was smacking me in the face. There were no more subtle signs, the signs began hitting me over the head.
I have come to the realization that the future I had planned was destined to fail. The decision has been made. I know that God has answered my prayer. He didn't answer it the way that I wanted. His answer is going to bring me great sorrow. It will change the course of my life and the lives of those I love. God's plan is the only plan that can provide a better future for everyone.
Sometimes when we ask God for an answer we really aren't ready for that answer. When we know that there is going to be pain we turn away from it because we fear it. As hard as it is to think about when we are hurting, we must remember that it's a part of God's plan. No one said that we would always like His plans. He never promised that we would like His plans. So many men and women in the Bible tried to turn from God's response and follow their own path, but every single time, they failed. The only sure way to a successful and fulfilling future is by following God's path.
The grief we face will be horrible. It will hurt, it will bring me to my knees. Ignoring His answer only prolongs what we want to avoid. He is the God who takes our hurt and our grief and turns it into joy and happiness. He holds every tear and He carries us when we can no longer walk. When you finally accept His answer, and His path, there is a sense of relief. The pressure is no longer on you. It doesn't make things hurt any less, but He takes our pain onto His shoulders and gives us rest. So for me, its time to give up my control and let Him give me rest.
No comments:
Post a Comment