Almost a month ago I found myself in excruciating pain, laying on my bed, waiting for the doctor to call me into the ER. I hadn't been outside in over a week, and I wasn't looking forward to it. Everything seeemed to be going wrong, and I was tired of hearing everyone say that they were praying for me, when to me, it looked like God forgot about me. When I got into the car and we pulled out, I began to see flakes of snow. It made me smile for the first time since the pain started. It was then that I realized God was with me, and that He was going to get me through.
When I was little, I began to love snow. As I got older snow became the one solid thing that could always make me feel like everything would be okay. When I see the snow, I picture it being God. As snow falls, before it sticks, it is wet, and it washes away dirt. Then it proceeds to cover everything in its beauty. Making everything new and special. I think of God in that same sense. He washes away our sins, and He covers us with His love. Snow has become something that will bring me to tears, just because I see it as God sending a message to me that He will take care of things.
The snow season ended abruptly after I went into the hospital. Since then, life has gone on and the pain has gotten worse. So many things in my life are changing and I am struggling to keep going. Every single night the pain is so severe that I pray for God to just let me go. I have become frustrated with God, because so many people are praying for me, and I am pleading with the Lord to take this all away and let me heal, but it's just getting worse. Last night was one of the worst nights I have had since February. I had to talk it through with a friend because I was ready for a mental breakdown. I went deep into prayer and felt a little more at peace last night, but I was still very anxious.
Today, I woke up early because all four of my sisters were making some sort of loud noises every time I would start to fall back to sleep. My mom called all of my doctors and we got different responses. It just seems that all I ever get is bad news, and the pain was getting worse because it was raining. A little while later, when I looked out the kitchen window, there was snow coming down. God sent this snow to remind me that He is still there, and although I am in more pain than I can deal with, He will send the help that I need. Today, this snow is God's way of telling me to keep holding on, because He still holding onto me.
When your life is falling to pieces, and no one has the answers, look around, because I am positive that God is still there, and that He is sending you some sort of silly sign to remind you that He loves and you will never leave you.
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