I Can't Please Anyone.

This week was like the cherry on top of everything bad that has happened. Every time I try to get up, Satan is right there to knock me down again. This doesn't mean that I have given up on God, it means that I am still letting the world get to me. After the incident at the hospital last week, I have not been able to sort through my emotions, nor can I make any decisions on my own. Everything that built up inside of me this past month, is now coming out. I am very overwhelmed. I have four different doctors involved in my care right now, but not a single one of them will listen to me. When they do that, I question myself, and wonder what's wrong with me.

The thing is, nothing is wrong with me. I am a person that was hand crafted by the Lord. To Him, I am special, and He is always listening. The newest doctor that I saw, told me that I should be going back to school, and that I should do my homework and get reading done. He met me for half an hour and all he did was talk to me. He didn't examine me, and he didn't believe that I was allergic to the medicine in the ER, it took me having to explain what happened, and that they gave me benadryl for him to believe. I went home and cried. I look at the books that I have to read and I feel like everything is out of control.

In my heart, I know that I am not ready to go back to school, emotionally or physically. This week I am supposed to decide which college I am going to, but I can't even pick out what I want to drink without having a melt down. I am embarassed and angry with myself. Everyone wants me to get back up and head right back to where I was before, but right now, sleeping is the only thing that keeps me from having pain, because when I am asleep I don't have to know that I am in pain.

Although I am not ready, I will be forced back to school. Right now I am in prayer because I will not be able to do this on my own. The ONLY way I will get through this is if God is with me. I need to reach out to Him, and realize that He knows what I need, and He will take care of me. I know that this is all a test, and I WILL pass it, but right now I need some help to get jump started. If nothing else that I say sticks with you, remember that, ALL things are possible with God. I do forget at times, but God always puts someone in my life that reminds me.