I'm A Belonger.

In the sermon that pastor gave on Sunday I was trying to figure out the main idea. He kept using the word "belong". Then he used the phrase "It is not a belief system, it is a belong system". At first I laughed because I knew that, that wasn't a real word. Then I really sat and thought about it. In all reality our faith is not just a belief, it means that we belong. We are children of the Lord. We belong to our faith. Therefore we are belongers. Pastor continued to use the word belong. It is by God's love that we are able to know that we belong. We have a place waiting for us in the kingdom of heaven. I know where I belong. Do you?

It's a rather deep question that takes a lot of thought. One of my new favorite quotes is, "Church is not something you go to, it's something you belong to!" That amazes me. We belong to the church. We make up the body of Christ. Church is our sanctuary, and we belong there. I have a sense of peace in knowing that I do not just attend the place of worship, I belong there. Think about that. We make up the body of the church too. We keep the spirit flowing through the building and we spread the word of God. It is our job to minister to the Lords people.

The very first quote explains what we are to be when we have accepted the Lord as our savior. He has done so much for us and He has given us a place in heaven. We belong.

Never Ending Warfare.

Today I thought I knew exactly what I was going to write about. I had it planned out. All through youth group I kept thinking of what else to add to that idea. Then my sister came along. Now she tends to be very emotional, and I don't deal well with it. I get angry with her when she cries about what I think is none sense. I was very angry with her when we got home, and I went to bed angry with her. She has this problem (as I call it) with compassion. She loves everyone, which we are supposed to do, but she also takes on their problems and thinks that they are her problems, even when the people don't know her. She is overly emotional and sometimes irrational. The thing is though, her heart is in the right place with God. God wants us to love everyone. She loves everyone unconditionally. I hate that she can do it because I can't. I just feel that it is too difficult and it is something that I will always have to work on. Tonight I really wanted to leave youth group, but she had a questions about this girl that she is friends with. The question took forever to answer and I already had a migraine. I became irritated and glared at her. That was one very immature, and two not Christlike.

I took a step back when I got into my room. I wanted to stay angry with her but I decided to take another look at the situation and realized that in her mind this was the most important thing in the world at that moment. She felt that she needed help to hear what God had to say to her. She cried out for help and I turned away. I am angry with myself now. How could I have turned away when all day we talked about standing out and standing up for everyone? I made a mistake and I need to ask for forgiveness. I feel in my heart that I am going through a lot, and I took my frustration out on my sister, who also has a heavy heart.

I found some wisdom in the Word not just for my sister, but for myself as well, "As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us" Psalm 103: 12. This is a verse, that the song "East to West" by Casting Crowns, came from. It is beautiful and hopefully will bring us all a little peace in mind that the Lord is really listening to us, and He sees everything that we are going through. He is ready to help us, and take care of us. We have been given the answers that we ask for, and now it is up to us, whether or not we listen to the word of the Lord.

Leters Of Forgiveness.

This coming week I am writing a letter. This letter will be part of my healing process. It is the last thing standing in the way of my full relationship with the Lord. About six months ago something happened, and a relationship with fellow Christians was ended. It was the hardest thing that I have ever gone through. God's people left me. I spent many night crying, and pleading with the Lord to bring them back to me. Every time I saw them I was brought to tears again. I blamed the Lord for a while. I thought that He had let His people hurt me this badly. I was angry and frustrated. When I got back into the word and into prayer I realized that none of it was the Lord's doing. He is now using that in my life to make me stronger now, emotionally, and spiritually. I know what real spiritual warfare is. Although I lost people that I love, I am blessed to be where I am today. I am at more of a peace. I am not however healed. I have not totally given myself to the Lord because I harbor anger and resentment at those people. Even the mention of their names sparks this bitterness that I don't want to feel anymore. After I feel that bitterness I feel guilt because I know that again I have not given every part of me to the Lord. He expects us to ask for forgiveness and hand out forgiveness.

My least favorite part of the Bible is in Matthew 18:21-22, "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.' " This passage annoys me because I feel that it is the hardest thing that God has ever asked us to do. This anger and hatred eats away at me and Satan is thriving in it. I need to put it to an end. The Lord has commanded that I forgive my brothers every single time that they sin against me, and I hope that they can do the same. I do not expect things to ever be the way that they were, but I do hope that through forgiveness, I can be through with these ungodly emotions and grow closer to the Lord.

So this week I write. I will write my letter and send it, in hopes that I will be blessed with healing through the wondrous hands of the Lord.

Got Too Much On Your Mind?

When I went into prayer today, I asked the Lord to show me something that will help me with the way that I have been feeling. I have already told you that I am so tired, and that I am doing so much work. I am feeling rather overwhelmed with everything. I don't want to give up anything that I am doing because I like it all, and I feel that I am doing the Lords work through everything that I am involved in. I am feeling that I am pushing myself so hard to get everything done, and that there is not enough time in the day to get it done. Sometimes I am dissapointed with myself that I cannot accomplish everything. I have missed some deadlines and I haven't done some of my work to my best ability. It's hard to get everything done and perfect the first time.

I don't know about you, but for me I lay down at night ready to get some rest, and then I end up laying there just thinking about everything that still has to get done, and everything that I didn't finish that day. I Am finding it hard to rest. The Lord spoke to us about everything that we go through in His word. When I wasn't even looking for that, I stumbled upon Psalm 4:8, "I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, makes me dwell in safety". He is here to keep our hearts and minds safe while we sleep. He gives us what we need to rest. So when we are finding that we cannot sleep, we know that it is because we haven't turned it over to the Lord.

I know that for tonight I will pray my heart and soul out to the Lord because when I do I know that I will be at peace, and I will get the sleep that I have been waiting for. A lot is going on all around me and many situations make me feel like I'm drowning, but for now at least the Lord will take them all away and let me rest until I am refreshed and ready to face them all in the morning with the Lord at my side.

Making Decisions.

Every single day that we are alive, we make decisions. We decide to get out of bed, and we decide what to do during our day. We also decide to love the Lord. I do it every day. I decide to wake up and praise the Lord for everything that He has done for me. Others make the decision to ignore the Lord, and to try to shut down Christians. It is them that need our prayers. We must decide to pray for everyone, so that they too can find what we already have. I worry all the time whether or not the decisions that I make are the ones that are pleasing to God. I doubt myself often. This doubt is put there by Satan. If we truly are asking the Lord to assist us in our decision making He will do so. Nothing should be done by our will. We are to gloify God with all of our actions, thoughts, and decisions. I will never even be close to perfect, but I know that my decision to get up and praise the Lord every single day is the right one.

We make the easier decisions, like saying hello to that one person that we don't really like, and we feel satisfied. We feel that those are the decisions we can make on our own, but that is where we are wrong. The Lord should be in everything that we do. I struggle to keep Him in all of my decision making. This is weighing so heavy on my heart right now, because I am facing many decisions, which college should I go to? Do I trust the surgeon? Should I choose Christian Camp over family vacation? I am growing weary in making all of these choices. I have been trying not to break down and have to get on my knees and pray, but I need to let the Lord in so that He can take this anxiety out of me, and guide me on the path that He wants me to take. We need to make sure that we are seeking the correct wisdom. We need to ask the Lord Himself what He wants for our lives.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:5-6. I can rest with peace in my heart because the Lord has made a promise that He will lead and guide us as long as we give it all to Him. Remember that for the rest of the week. As you are faced with choices, throw the decisions up to God and see what He has to tell you about them!

Are You Feeling Tired?

I have been doing a lot lately. I don't have a job, but I volunteer for everything that I can. I enjoy the work that I do. This week was finals week, so I spent all of my free time studying. Then there was an excess of snow, so we missed some school and I just spent that time studying. When it came time to actually take the finals I was exhausted. My friends had stopped studying, but I didn't want to. I figured that if I just kept studying I would do well on my finals. While taking one of my finals yesterday I almost fell asleep, I was exhausted. I was kind of disapointed in myself. I pushed myself too hard. When I got home, I got more work done, but I figured that I would do my Bible study later. Then when later came around, I fell asleep. My body just kind of shut down, I was too tired to do anything. I realize that I honestly do not have good time management. I am not leaving enough time for God. I need to give more of my time to him, and less to everything else that I am involved in.

In my devotion today it said that the Lord is not looking for the people that have their lives together and think that they don't need help. He is looking for those of us who know that we need Him every single day. I know that He is listening to me and that He is ready for me to lean on Him and stop trying to prove that I can do everything. In Mark 2:17 the Lord days, "On hearing this, Jesus said to them, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the rightious, but the sinners.' ". He came to save us all. He is not looking for perfection, or those who try to go about life doing everything by themselves. He is making us realize that we cannot do it all alone. I know that I do too much, and that I think that I can do it all by myself, but days like yesterday bring me back to the reality that I do not have enough strength to do it all.

He also wants us to realize that we do not need to prove ourselves. We do not need to earn our love from the Lord, He gave it to us freely. "For it is by grace that you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:8-10. The Lord made it known to us that we are not to do work to earn our way to heaven. We must not work to brag either, we must work because the Lord has called us to do so. My exhaustion comes from me trying to do everything by myself, and to prove myself to the Lord. The truth is that none of us are worthy of His amazing love, but He gave it to us. He is wonderful, and we must always call on His name.

On My Knees.

I spent a lot of time in prayer today. I guess I would have to call it a pretty bad day. I tried to think about it all in a possitive way, but everytime I was able to accept one situation another would arise. I know that I will not be given more than I can handle but it's still just as difficult. Many emotions went through me today. I woke up anxious about my exams, but instead of going strait to the Lord I just went back to studying, figuring that would help my anxiety. It didn't work out to well. I went into my final still anxious and stressed out. Then there were more problems with yearbook today. Then there is my knee which acts up greatly when the weather is bad, so of course it had to snow today. I saw that some of my old friends were moving on with their lives and it hurt a little to know that I was never going to get them back. I got as far as speaking angerly to God, when I realized that it was time to get on my knees and pray. In my prayer I was reminded that I have so many people that love me and that are willing to help. It's just difficult to ask for help when you are already falling apart.

These are the time that I pray to God and ask Him where He is in all of this, and why I can't have any relief. The thing is, He did send me relief and I never realized it. He is always listening to us, even when we feel like we are all alone. We also beg for immediate relief, but we cannot rush God's plan and we have to follow the Lord's timing. He is always ready to pull us off the ground when we feel like we just want to give up. He will never let us fall without catching us. I know that this is what I should be feeling right now, but I just want to melt away and sleep forever so that I don't have to deal with any of this. Tomorrow when  I wake up I will still face these problems. The difference is that I will never have to face my problems alone.

I have gone into the word trying to find answers to my prayers, and I came across Psalm 32:7 "You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance" I will not lie and say that I am feeling perfectly fine after reading just one passage, but it is a start, and the Lord spoke so I must listen. I will continue to pray, and you should do the same.

Do I Really Have to Love Everyone?

I am noticing that lately my anger with people has been coming back. I figured that since I was doing so well with my emotions, that I did not need prayer in that area of my life. I was quite mistaken. I am back to praying for forgiveness and assistance. The power of prayer is endless. I feel however that I have let the Lord down. He has provided me with the constant wisdom and commands, but I have begun to overlook them. More specifically I have begun to ignore Luke 10:27, "He answered, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and will all your strength and will all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself'". I am struggling the most lately, with the last part. Loving my neighbor as myself. When I see mean people and rude people, my first instinct is to roll my eyes and glare. I know that this is not what I should be doing, since the lessons in Sunday School, the youth lessons and the Sunday morning sermons have been about all of this, that the Lord is trying to tell me something.

One of the hardest things for me to do is love everyone unconditionally. I look at people walking by, and I pass judgment on them. The Lord clearly states that it is not my right to do so but when I am not working through the Lord and for the Lord, I lose  a part of myself. My walk with God can be faltered by these tiny mistakes. They will continue to build on each other until I forget my values. I am placing my trust in the Lord that through Him  I will be able to forgive those who have wronged me and learn to love everyone. It will take me a while, but I have time. I am fighting a raging war in my mind. I love the Lord with all of my heart, and all of my soul, but my mind and strength appear to be lacking. This week I will dive even deeper into prayer and work through this. Instead of glaring at those who I feel deserve my judgments, I will pray for them because maybe something is wrong and they need to find God. I must follow the Lord's commands, and what better way to do it than with Him by my side.

Don't Harm The Kitty: A Sunday School Lesson

Last week in Sunday school, our teacher was sick, so we did a lesson with his wife. She was really good with us, and we took a lot out of the class. Although there were only four of us and her, I felt that it was a powerful message that the Lord obviously thought I needed to hear, since we built off of last weeks, today. Last week, we coined the phrase, "Don't Kick The Kitty". This meant that we were to go out and say something nice to a stranger, or someone that we usually aren't nice to. We figured that one good deed led to another, just like one hurtful comment could lead that person to make another hurtful comment, and we would leave a chain of hurt.

When we walked into Sunday school today, we had to tell what we did this week to prevent "kicking the kitty". I felt that I had done pretty well, calming down a potentially awful situation. I felt that I had finally helped someone out of love and respect for them. Little did I know, that was just the beginning. The Lord said that He wants us to love all people. I was reminded of that today at church. I still am struggling to figure out how I am going to be able to love all people, but that's it, I can't do it alone. I have to have God with me. He has to be there by my side always.

This week, we have changed our phrase to, "Don't Maul The Kitty". Our new challenge, and a challenge that I give to you, is to go out of your way this week to help someone out. Just like the story of the good Samaritan. We need to show God's love to everyone that we meet. I think that I am going to have trouble with this, but I know that when I pray, God will answer, and He will help me. It is time that I stop saying that I need to be more Christlike, and just go out and BE more Christlike. It's going to take time, but for this week, I promise that I will go out of my way to help at least one person! Could you do it?

All the Right People.

I truely believe that the Lord puts people in our lives for a reason. He sends us who we need at the right time. Sometimes we don't even realize that God has put certain people in our lives for a reason. I have found recently that these amazing people may not be Christian, but, they may still have been sent by the Lord. While people are ever changing our lives, we are also changing theirs. A good friend of mine, is not a Christian, but everyday I am given the chance to witness to them. I am blessed to be able to do that. The Lord had us meet for a reason. I am slowly understanding that everything that happens in my life is the Lords doing, or something that the Lord will us to work in my life. I have looked back at a few situations in my life recently that I thought were going to ruin me emotionally, then I see new friends that entered my life right as those crisis's were striking me. I see that those people are people that the Lord gave to me. They helped me, and now I am given the chance to help them.

It is said that when the Lord closes one door, He opens another, well it's the same thing that he does with people in our lives. As people leave our lives, we are given the chance to meet many more amazing people. It is a gift from the Lord. Although this message is simple and quick, it's one that we need to hear, because our lives are changing every single day.

Bad Day? God's Here to Help.

Today, this message is not for me, or maybe it is and I just don't realize it, but lately a lot of people that I know seem to be having doubts with God. They are either sad, or hurt by something in this world, and they wonder why God hasn't gotten them out. I have been there many times, right now I'm not there, but tomorrow I might wake up and have an awful day. It happens to the best of us, but we must remember that it is not God that inflicts this pain and saddness on our lives. We have to know that the Lord always gives us a way out and we have to take it.

He is not out to get us, and He is not there to harm us. He is our savior and He has plans for us. It's really hard to wait for His time but we must. Sometimes it seems like we are living in darkness, and that there is no way to get back to the light, but there is. When we feel like times are dark, and that everything we do is wrong, we need to get on our knees and pray. The power of prayer is stronger than we can imagine. The Lord is always listening to our cries.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future, then you will call upon me and come to pray to me and I will listen to you." Jeremiah 29: 11-12. He said it himself. He has promised us that we are always safe and that He is not here to harm us. He loves us more than we can imagine! So just remember to pray!

Not My Will But His Be Done.

If you were or are anything like me, you will have planned out your entire life. When I was little, I knew exactly what I wanted, and I felt that everything had to turn out that way or I would never be satisfied. As I grew up, I quickly learned that it is not by my path that I must live, but by Gods. I still struggle to let Him take the lead of my life, but I do it everyday. He gives us the choice of which path we want to lead, but I tend to choose His path over mine. Before I decide on the path, I question whether or not this time I should listen to myself because getting what I want could make me happy, but I always end up chossing His still. This whole idea has come up a lot lately in my life. Tonight at basketball, we had a devotion, and we discused our choices, and how we need to be living life acording to Gods will. Some of the adults gave their testimony about this, and every single one of them followed the path that God gave them and found the miracles of God waithing for them.

I will admit that in the past I have been tired of waiting for the Lord, and I took things onto myself, and followed the path that I wanted. Although when I first entered those paths, it seemed like a good idea, quickly I realized that I went the wrong way. Now here's the good thing, even when you take the wrong path the Lord is ready with open arms to guide you back to His path. He never leaves us alone even when we leave him alone.

"But He knows the way that I will take; when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold. My feet have closely followed His steps; I have kept to His way without turning aside. I have not departed from the command of His lips; I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my daily bread." Job 23: 10-12. Although He knows which path we will take before we take it, He gives us the choice. Today and as long as I can, I choose the path of the Lord. I choose to take the glory road.

Planting the Seed.

Last night, I had just finished Bible study and turned out the lights, when I recieved a message. It was full of anger and hurt. My first instinct was to become angry, and let that person have it. I stopped, however, because all week I have been reading the messages about being slow to anger. I knew that I was going to be tested and that was it. I prayed quickly to the Lord for guidance and I let him speak through me. It was difficult at first to not say exactly what I wanted to say, but after all was said and done, I realized that through the Lord I had just planted a seed in that person. We must plant seeds in as many people as we can because they may not have been as blessed as those of us who know the Lord.

We cannot force anyone to believe, but we can give them the opportunity to believe. When you first plant that seed, they could reject you, and make you feel awful, but you need to realize that maybe years from now when they hit rock bottom, they will remember what you told them about God always being there, and they might turn to Him for help. I have trouble accepting that it is not me who will change anyone, that it is the Holy Spirit. I want immedeate change in those who I share the message with but everything must come in Gods time.

"I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ" Philemon 1:6. We have the faith and we must go out and share it. We have to tell those who we hate and who we love that God is the only way. It is our duty, and although it can be quite challenging we do it because the Lord gives us strength. I was given the chance to witness to someone and with the Lord's assistance I did it.

Trust in The Lord

All of this week my parents have been so proud of me because we all thought that I got into this college that I really wanted to go to. Then last night we were re-reading the letter and it was an acceptance to the community college part of that school. The main campus had not accepted me. I just wanted to disapear. How could I have not read the letter all the way? How did I let my self get so excited? I prayed for God to help me pick a college, and I guess I know now what he wants. I was really hurt when I realized that I was wrong about that college. It was a big blow to my plans, but that's just it, they were MY plans. I had not fully given my decision to the Lord. He has a plan for me and I need to trust that He will take care of my future. I have to trust that He will get me through this loss.

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectations for the sons of God to be revealed." Romans 8:18-19. The Lord knows what we are going through and He always has a plan for our lives. He will never leave us alone. I lift my hands to the Lord because I know that He has saved me and that He will comfort me through this and continue to bring joy into my life. Jesus himself went through suffering to save us and now we must get through this world before we make it to eternal life. I look forward to seeing what He has in store for my life and I consider this next chapter of my life another challenge that I will face and succeed in with the Lord's guidance and will.

Slow to Anger.

I am struggling lately with the fact that I am going to college. I am very close to my mom, and I do everything with her. I have two sisters, one is my biological one, and the other was adopted this year. My biological sister, who is 16, has been my sister, and friend for my entire life. We have two totally different personalities and I love it. She used to have this thing where anything I did, she had to do, but she got over that very quickly. I always had a problem with her having to do exactly what I did, or talk the way I did, or dress exactly the same, my mom told me it was because she looked up to me, but I felt like it was a way to replace me. I still feel that way, but she is so much better. She has become her own person and I am still my own person. We get along so much better now. My new sister, however, is almost 13 and she reminds me everyday that I am going to college and tells me all about what they are going to do while I'm gone. She hasn't known me that long, so I am not really close with her. I hang out with my mom all the time, and her and I don't like to talk about college too much because I am leaving. I pray about all of this all the time, but I still have these emotions, and I know that I need to give them to God, but sometimes its hard.

I just scollded my youngest sister, and told her that she couldn't be me ever, and that she needed to give up but she just smiled. It upsets me so much. It hurts that someone comes into my house and trys to take my place just because I am going to college. Everyone tells me that she is young, and that all of my emotions are normal for a teenager transitioning to college life, but I know that this is not how God wants me to feel. He wants me to live with unconditional love and not situational love like I do now. As my pastor said yesterday, I feel that in my walk with God, I take two steps forward and three steps back. I have turned up the Christian music and I am reading scripture, because I know that God has an opinion on this and when I have a question, like I do now, I must go into the Bible and find the answer.

"A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger" Proverbs 15:1. This is something I am still learning. I have trouble just keeping my mouth shut when I am upset with my siblings. I cannot let my feelings bring trouble into the house. We all need to be reminded that we are part of the problem, every once in a while.

Something About Faith.

This morning I woke up knowing now that it was not a challenge day, but I still chose to listen to Christian music. It made me feel a little better about having to be up so early to go to church. Then at church, during Sunday school, the lesson was on having faith, and how faith can help you change your life. I walked out of there feeling like something was going to change in my life this year. Then I went to church, and pastor preached about loving God with all your soul, and that you may not know where your soul is, but you have to put your faith first, and make God the center of your soul. That was pretty interesting to me that the lessons were so similiar. When I went to youth group tonight the lesson was on faith, and what faith is and how we know that we have faith. I went home thinking about that lesson. Finally when I arrived home, my family had a movie on called the ten comandments, the part that I saw was when Moses was talking to the people telling them that if they had faith miricles could happen, and they did. He continued to explain that faith is trust in God, and that you cannot doubt your faith.

With four things today, having very similar messages, I knew that God was trying to tell me something. There was a verse that was read today that explained what I was feeling, and what I was trying to understand about my faith. "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1. The Lord has commanded it of us to have faith. Without faith, we would be lost. We have faith every single day in many things. I choose to put my faith in the Lord, because I know what He has promised, and I have read it in His word. He is glorious and although I do not physically see Him, I see the work that He does in my life. Therefore, I know that He is there, He answers my prayers, and He gives me peace. I have faith that whenever I call upon the name of the Lord he will answer me. He is all powerful and He has all of my faith.

Challenge Complete!

Last Saturday night I embarked on a journey. That entailed me listening to only Christian music for the entire week. I am very proud to say that I succesfully compeleted that challenge. It wasn't as easy as I thought it was going to be though. I hit a few bumps along the way, and I faced some times where I had to either sing secular music, or while I was shopping they played secular music. I decided not to count that because the world will still be around me no matter how much I try to shut it out and only have God be in it. It is okay as Christians that we know what is going on in the world.

I found it difficult to totally change my music routine. I am kind of weird, I will admit, and I have playlists on my ipod, for sleeping, waking up, good moods, sad moods, happy moods and a few others. I am dissapointed to say that none of those had Christian music in them, but I did it. I went to itunes and even bought myself more Christian songs. This week I was happier than I have been in a long while. Listening to my Christian music was a daily reminder of the amazing work of the Lord. It was also a subtle reminder to pray all the time and to get into the word for devotion.

This week was very successful, and as I move into this next week, I hope to carry what I have learned over. Now that I am not under the challenge, I was to choose to listen to mostly Christian music, and spend more money on itunes buying worship songs, than secular music. The Lord has blessed me and I will give it back to him.

Giving Testimony.

I was asked to give a testimony for tomorrow. I have been thinking about it all week, trying to figure out what I am going to say. I have written some ideas down and tried to piece together exactly what I want to say. I have come up pretty empty with ideas, and with what I have, I do not sound very prepared. The problem that I am facing, is not that I have no testimony to give, it's that I'm searching for a testimony in the wrong places.

We are supposed to let God speak through us. I want Him to use me as a voice to His people. I realize that the only thing that can prepare me for tomorrow is getting into the word and praying. I have turned it over to the Lord, and I am no longer nervous to give a testimony, because I know that He will prepare me and that whatever He wants me to say, will be on my heart tomorrow morning ready for me to share. A lot has happened to me over this week, and I would like to be able to share it with families who may not hear any other message for the entire week. I know that I could be the one voice that they hear, or I could say something that sticks with one of these families at Upward. I gave it to God and am listening for His reply. I have a peace that tomorrow it will not be difficult to share whatever testimony God has laid on my heart.

I already know that the Lord is working in my life and I am excited to see how He uses me tomorrow to continue my journey and the journey of others that will hear my message tomorrow. As we say, "God is Good", "All the time" and "All the time", "God is Good"

Jealousy, Fear, Blame, Weakness: No More.

Negative emotions eat away at us every single day. We are part of the problem. When someone criticizes us we take it to heart, and we lock it inside and remind ourselves everyday of that criticism. We bring ourselves down and feel like we are less than everyone else. When it gets really bad, we feel that we are not as important as other people are in Gods eyes. Sometimes, we just need a reminder that God sees us as equally important. The girl that you call miss popularity, is no more special in God's eyes than you are. We condemn ourselves all the time, we are upset, and then we bring that into the world, and bring other people down. I know that I do it all the time, sarcasm is my defense against people. I am jealous of what others have, or their confidence, and I try to hurt them and bring them down to "my level". Inside I know that what I am doing, is wrong, and I feel the guilt.

We create these problems for ourselves as we try to keep God from seeing the pain and the anger that we hold inside. What we all need to realize is that God sees everything that we do and he knows everything that we think and say, before we think or say it. Trying to fix that guilt that we feel is not what we are supposed to be doing. Our pain, and jealousy and blame needs to be given to God, because He is a forgiving God and he will take your sins and get rid of them, He did die to save us after all. Just today, I looked around the basketball court and saw everyone running around and having fun after practice, but because of what we had just done at practice my pain consumed me and I couldn't walk. I sometimes find myself wishing that I could be someone else because they are so "lucky". God has convicted me for this feeling of jealousy, and I know that I would never trade the life I have. I might be in pain, but my pain has given me compassion and understanding for anyone who has a harder time getting through life than someone else might. I am blessed to know the Lord. I no longer pity myself, or hold a guilt that came along with that self pity. I have given it to the Lord and he took care of me and took my sin away.

We need to know that making mistakes does not make us weak, it makes us human, and the sinful people that we are born as. We can find much strength through the Lord. We can find peace and we can put to rest our fears that take over our lives. "Do not let this Book of the law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:8-9. We can rest and know that we are always important to the Lord, even when we do not feel important at all. The Lord takes care of us and forgives us of our mistakes. He is our amazing God.

Frustration.

Tonight I am rather frustrated because I recieved a text message saying that school was closed for the second day in a row due to snow. Tomorrow I was supposed to be meeting a representative from the yearbook company tomorrow to fix a problem and I had more work to do before I turned it in. Now we have no school, so I am stressing myself out. I know that I need to bring it to the Lord, but sometimes I become self centered and think that I can fix things on my own.

I know that I am wrong and that the Lord will help me. I am very distracted tonight because I am worried that I won't get everything done before finals. When I went into the word about this, I found this, "Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." Psalm 9:10. I just need to trust that he knows what is going on in my life and he will never give me more than I can handle. He takes care of me when I think I can do it by myself. He lets me try but he will never let me fall.

"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens" Psalm 68:19. He is perfect and saves me from my stress and from the burdens that come, like my frustration. 

The World's Clutch.

Yesterday is proof that the world still gets to us. Although forgetting to blog doesn't seem like a crisis, to me, it meant not getting deep into the word yesterday. I am dissapointed in myself, and that although I am being a stonger Christian the world can still latch on and take hold. The Lord did not let me go for very long, because the moment I woke up this morning I realized that I had forgotten to blog and read my daily scripture. We must realize as Christians, that spiritual warfare rages on, but we need not be afraid because God is by our side. Satan is going to use the world to try to trip us up, but when we fall we must remember to get back up and keep growing with God.

We can live, "being confident of this, that he who began good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" Philippians 1:6. I love when I am looking for a verse in the Bible, and I come across another one that fits me perfectly and fits what I need. The Lord will carry you even when you stumble. He won't let go. It was just one day, that I missed, but the Lord did not let me fall on my face. He held me up and forgave me when I asked for it. There are times that we will get caught up in everything that we are involved with, and forget who gave us life and who saved us. It seems impossible to forget our glorious father, but satan is always working at it.

I am blessed to be able to read in scripture and have the discipline that I have. It has been a long time in the making to get where I am, but it is only through the grace of God that I'm here today. I give it all to Him and He blesses me. So today I am going back into the word and growing stronger, through prayer and through worship. God bless everyone on this snow day, and I pray for safety for those who have to be on the road.

Stressed Out? God Can Help.

In my high school, we are entering what I call "finals time". We are all trying to cram in the studying while we can. I have always become quite stressed and therefore angry, during this time of year. However, this year I'm looking at everything with a new light. All of my worries about failing need to be given to God. The Lord has let us know already that he will not give us more than we can handle. Today went by in almost a fog. I tried to be my joyous self, but I was feeling exhausted and troubled. By this afternoon I figured out what I needed to do. First get more sleep, and second enter the word.

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you" 1 Peter 5:7. This verse was the first to give me a little bit of relief because I realized that the Lord will not let me be broken down by the stress that I am putting onto myself. Having a little bit of stress is healthy because it means that you care about what you are studying for. The Lord will, always provide a way out of any extremely stressful situation. I rely on the Lord to help me through this.

I was looking for one more verse that would get me through this time of hardship, and I was brought to Psalm 62: 1-2, "My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken." I feel that right now I can rest because I have been assured by the Lord that I will make it through everything including the finals that are ahead of me. For adults who don't have finals anymore, you have bills to pay all the time and in these hard times money is tight, and stress levels are higher than they should be. The Lord provides us with some peace in the madness of the world. The Lord is amazing and he works in mysterious ways.

Christianity: Hollywood Style?

I know that I promised to write about my journey with Christian music and it really did go amazingly well today, but something else caught my attention. After church, my dad and I went to the grocery store to get some cereal and some other things for my mom. While we were walking down the isle, I saw this weeks issue of TV guide. This weeks issue is titled, "God On Tv: is prime time keeping the faith?" In this issue, there were pictures of shows like glee and supernatural, with people praying. Is this really what we have come to?

Hollywood is making it seem that the Christian life is easy. On shows like glee, you see that the head of the celebusy club got herself pregnant and still was president, because, she was forgiven and it was okay because she was head cheerleader. Then you have Finn on that same show, who goes out and lies all the time about everything, and then when he feels it necessary goes to God and prays. Now don't get me wrong, the Lord is always ready to listen to you even if you have been away for a while, but hollywood makes it seem like when you mess up you pray, and be Christian or Catholic for that day, and then you can go right back to your old life. Other shows like The Secret Life of the American Teenager, portray people like Grace, to be the outstanding Christian on the show in the first season, and make her seem like you have to be perfect to be a Christian, and then she turns around and begins to have sex and be involved in sexual activities. The Bible is very clear that all of that is to wait until marriage. When Grace first had sex, she asked for forgiveness, but now the writers of the show have made it seem like God is okay with sexual activities as long as you say that you are Christian.

Prime time has lost sight of what Christianity really is. Me, well I have the privelidge of having the Gospel Music Channel so I am able to watch uplifting shows all the time. Others though are not as lucky. The message coming across the TV at us about Christianity is not only wrong, but it is filling the heads of teenagers and kids alike with lies about the Lord, and what the Lord wants. As I heard today in Pastors message, the Bible is the truth. When everyone else lies and lets you down, the Bible will always be the solid truth.

So today I was taught something in a few different ways. As the world falters we must stay strong in our faith. We must be the example to the world of Christianity and the work of the Lord. Because we hold the title of Christian, we know that we are held to a higher standard, and we know that we must live in Christlikeness. We are an imperfect people but we must remember where the truth comes from. I am filled with joy to know that so many people like me are touched everyday by the love of God.

I have finished day one of the challenge and it went very well. I was given so many scriptural messages as the day went on, and I was in utter bliss listening to my Christian music. I will continue to give all of my music and my thoughts over to the Lord this week, and I will continue to be in the happiness because of him.

Challenge. Could You Do It?

First of all I would just like to say that today is an example of an answered prayer. I know that I was supposed to just leave it up to God, but I figured a little prayer would help. The snow came in fast and thick, but it didn't stop us from holding Upward. It was an amazing day full of shared testimonies and fun Christian filled basketball games. Although the day was stressful, I didn't end it feeling relieved, I came out feeling joyful. Being in the house of the Lord always brings me joy, but there is something very special about getting hundreds of people into a tiny gym (not all at once), ready to worship God through sports ministry. The Lord was truly at work today. When I was working in the kitchen, I had a conversation with a few of the adults that go to my church. We were talking about influences and how what music you listen to and what shows you watch on TV affect your life. One of my youth leaders told me that while she was listening to the Christian radio station, they created a challenge, and that was, for everyone to go one week listening to nothing but Christian music. At first I just told her that it was easy and that I could do it whenever because I have so much Christian music, but then I got thinking and realized that my mood is affected by everything that I am filling my head with. One week is not a very long time when compared to our life spans, so I have decided that I am giving this week to God completely. Meaning that I will not be listening to my radio stations, I will not be listening to my new Mitchel Musso CD, or my Taylor Swift CD. I will be listening to Mandesa, and Chris Tomlin and all of the other hundreds of Christian artists.  I plan to document my challenges through this blog, because I'm sure that the temptation will be there to listen to other music, but I will stick with it. I know that with God's word flowing in my ears through music will give me that much more strength to follow his will for my life. I am not doing this alone because in everything that I do I have God, "For nothing is impossible with God" Luke 1:37. This verse is a well known one that keeps me moving forward every single day!

Excitment.

The Lord has blessed me with many things. Of those things is the Upward Sports ministry program that came to my church seven years ago. We run a basketball league that my mom is the director for. This is the first year that she is the sole director and everything has gone well so far. We went from having maybe 110 kids in the program last year, to having 164 kids this year. That is 164 people and their families that will hear about God's love for the next eight weeks. I am overly excited to begin season number eight in the morning. I am happiest during this season because not only do I get to play the sport that I love, I get to do it in the house of God and play it while glorifying his name. Upward is an amazing ministry that everyone should check out once in their lifetime. All night I have been desperately praying for the snow outside to stop so that we are able to have Upward tomorrow. I have come to the realization now, that everything is in God's time. If God wants us to have Upward tomorrow, (which I hope he does) then we will. It is a blessing to be able to have the emotion that I feel about this upcoming day. To gather that many people in the Lord house under circumstances of God through sports is something I may never fully understand. I am grateful that I am able to be a part of this amazing program that has brought so many people to God. I'm not sitting here telling you that everything in life is perfect with God, but I am going to tell you that he will make your life exciting and joyful, as long as you choose to follow the path that he has set for you. I choose to listen to his commands, and if they say that tomorrow there's no Upward, then I must accept it.

Persistance.

Today I found myself wanting to give everything up for a day of sleep. I almost did too. I woke up rather late and then fell back to sleep and had to rush around to get ready for school. We all have good days and bad. Mine was average. I got to go to church and play some basketball, and then I went to praise team practice. With my new outlook on life I feel that I must be positive all the time. Since this concept is kind of new to me, it wears me out. I almost didn't want to write anything today because I'm so exhausted, but here I am because I made a promise to myself and to God that I would blog and do a Bible study every single night. I am slowly learning the lesson of perseverance and dedication to the Lord. He never gives up on us no matter what we do. It's not like we even deserve it, but we get it anyway. As I continue this journey I know that there will be more nights, where I feel like I have nothing to write, or I think that I am too tired, but this is my commitment to worshiping the Lord. I keep going because he keeps going. It is our duty as disciples of the Lord to be diligent in everything that we do, and keep it so that we are pleasing God. "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." Isaiah 40:29. The Lord will give us what we need to keep going and we should use that to the fullest because its a gift. Because of the Lord I am able to persevere and keep moving forward.

Try Forgiveness and Love.

There are two ways to look at every situation. There is the pessimistic view and the optimistic view. This year through the grace of God I have started looking at the optimistic view and I like what I see. I really am a simple person and I have learned this from reading in scripture and praying. When someone wrongs me, I would like an apology, but if i do not receive one, forgiveness is how I am able to move on so I give it out all the time. When I wrong someone else, I apologize and I always mean it. Sorry is an important word used in many different ways. I will admit that I don't like confrontation, because it leaves me wanted to go back to my pessimistic ways, but I reach out to God and remember the good that awaits me. God has told us to forgive over and over without fail. When I do that, I am able to move on and move forward. I have been faced recently with some dramatic and hurtful situations as I have said before, but I have healed much faster than I even thought possible. God provides everything that we need to get through every trial and tribulation. Yesterday I was questioning myself, and feeling upset at something someone said to me, but I looked up to the Lord and then again opened my Bible and found exactly what I needed, to help me understand what I needed to do. "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" Ephesians 4:32. We must forgive because of what God did for us. None of us deserved that forgiveness from God but we got it anyway. So now we are to forgive. Just try it, I feel that through forgiveness I am free to be happy and not worry about who is hurting because of me. The Lord blesses me with peace.

Finding Joy.

Joy is something rare to me. I have realized though, that, that is my fault. I spent so long taking the joy out of everything I did and making it a challenge. Instead of looking at the "brighter" side I always looked at the "dark" side. I became a very angry person toward the end of 2010. I just wanted to sleep, and I knew that I needed to talk to God, but I in a way was blaming him for everything that seemed to go wrong in my life. I began to reject the love that God was giving me and hating that he loves everyone so much. I lost that glimpse of hope to every situation. It was all on me. I stopping worshiping and stopped turning to God. I'm not sure when it was exactly that I "changed" my mood and my life. It was recently that I decided to put God as the main point in my life and rely on him. I have found the hope that I lost and that I was missing. Along with the hope, God has shown me again the love that I should have toward everyone, and though it will take a while, I plan to show that love. The Lord has given me many chances to set my life on this path, and this time I am going to cling to it. I find myself smiling all the time, no out of habit, but because I am able to find joy through everything. The Lord always leaves outlets in the worst situations and when you reach out your hand he takes it every time, even when you think that he isn't there he is. "Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble." Psalm 90:15. The Lord will show us joy through pain and trial, and right now I am found happy through all of the tribulations that are facing me. I thank God for giving me joy.

Hang On.

Over vacation I found myself digging deep into scripture and heading strait to the Bible anytime a situation aroused. I was reminded today of the difficulties we Christians face in public settings. In this case, I'm speaking of school. I felt that I was growing so much in my spiritual life over Christmas break, and then I was thrown back into the reality of this secular world. It was a hard lesson today, that did not come without some battles. It's easy to follow all of the rules set out for us when we are not around our friends, but when I entered the doors to my public school today I was faced with the temptations that come with being a teenage girl. I am tested daily on my walk when I am offered the chance to gossip about someone who has wronged me, or make fun of the people who are "different". The thing is, we as Christians are supposed to be "different". We are to act with Christ-likeness. This is growing ever difficult. I was frustrated today taking a test and I wanted to storm out in anger and not take the test, but I decided to pray instead, and although I may have not passed the test as well as I wanted, I was able to calmly think. Dramatic situations arise all the time around us. Rumors can be heard at least once a week about each and every person, but it's the way you handle these rumors and these moments of trial that define your walk. We cannot let the people around us pull us away from the path to God. We have to stand our ground and fight for what we believe, this goes along with witnessing too. We are to be the example for Christians and for the work that the Lord has done. We sometimes feel that we are the only one going through this battle, but every Christian who knows the path that they are on, have these feelings at some point, it's up to you to find them and maybe become a support for each other to make it through with your head on straight. "It is God who arms me with strength  and makes my way perfect" Psalm 18:31. This to me explains it all. God has provided us the strength to make it through, so we will keep hanging on.

Spreading the Word.

The message that I received in Sunday school, and the sermon that was given in church, were about evangelism. This to me is reassurance from God that I am headed in the right direction. Though a week is not a long time, I have used it to grow in my faith, and realize that through God I have the ability to spread his word. Scripture says, "For he has rescued us from the domination of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of our sins." Colossians 1:13-14. This is a gift that was given to us. We are promised an eternal life in heaven with Jesus. We already know where we are going, and it is now our job to help others. Everyone deserves a chance to at least hear the word of God and be given the chance to find God. If we don't do our part and share the word, how will anyone else get to God? We do not need to worry about our sins because they are forgiven. Just because we share the word, does not give us any less of a sinful nature than the person receiving the message. Everyday we are faced with good opportunity to praise God and let his name be heard. I am not saying that we should take the bible and throw it at people, but when someone notices that you are different and they wonder why, explain to them of the glory of God. Some may listen and other will be skeptical of you, but someday they could look back and remember what you told them and maybe then they will find God. Your job is not to total how many lives you save by turning them to Christ, but to simply share the message that has saved your life and promised you an eternity of happiness in heaven. The first thing to do always is pray, and then, just go where you feel the Lord is leading.

Back To Life.

This winter break has been a time of reflection and relaxation for me. It was a break from the weekly tests, and the high school drama (to an extent). I spent time with the people that I love, and it was peaceful. I felt that I had more time to spend with God, and time to feel good about life. As we head back to school and others back to work, I'm feeling some anxiety. I am nervous to go back to school and face the test that is waiting, and to fall right back into step with high school drama. I fear that I will be sucked away from God. I have to remember, however, that I am stronger than that. I have the Lord and just because I will become busier does not mean that I will loose my time with him. I will use my favorite popcorn prayers. They will help get me through all of the trivial things that interupt my day. Tomorrow is the Lords day, so I will take my prayers to the alter because I feel closest to God when I am there. Until then I will continue to read into his word. He gives me the comfort that I need to keep going through all of the things that cause me this anxiety. "Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" Philippeans 4:6-7. God promises not to leave us with anxiety, and I put my trust in him. Happy New Year. And make a fresh start.