Slow to Anger.

I am struggling lately with the fact that I am going to college. I am very close to my mom, and I do everything with her. I have two sisters, one is my biological one, and the other was adopted this year. My biological sister, who is 16, has been my sister, and friend for my entire life. We have two totally different personalities and I love it. She used to have this thing where anything I did, she had to do, but she got over that very quickly. I always had a problem with her having to do exactly what I did, or talk the way I did, or dress exactly the same, my mom told me it was because she looked up to me, but I felt like it was a way to replace me. I still feel that way, but she is so much better. She has become her own person and I am still my own person. We get along so much better now. My new sister, however, is almost 13 and she reminds me everyday that I am going to college and tells me all about what they are going to do while I'm gone. She hasn't known me that long, so I am not really close with her. I hang out with my mom all the time, and her and I don't like to talk about college too much because I am leaving. I pray about all of this all the time, but I still have these emotions, and I know that I need to give them to God, but sometimes its hard.

I just scollded my youngest sister, and told her that she couldn't be me ever, and that she needed to give up but she just smiled. It upsets me so much. It hurts that someone comes into my house and trys to take my place just because I am going to college. Everyone tells me that she is young, and that all of my emotions are normal for a teenager transitioning to college life, but I know that this is not how God wants me to feel. He wants me to live with unconditional love and not situational love like I do now. As my pastor said yesterday, I feel that in my walk with God, I take two steps forward and three steps back. I have turned up the Christian music and I am reading scripture, because I know that God has an opinion on this and when I have a question, like I do now, I must go into the Bible and find the answer.

"A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger" Proverbs 15:1. This is something I am still learning. I have trouble just keeping my mouth shut when I am upset with my siblings. I cannot let my feelings bring trouble into the house. We all need to be reminded that we are part of the problem, every once in a while.